How do you find the courage to try again? Possible trigger warning

[Spottydog444]

Hi everyone,

I’m currently off work as having a miscarriage at 6 weeks pregnant after a FET in February. I’m absolutely devastated and can’t really imagine ever going through this again.

My fertility clinic have been amazing and once the scan confirmed I was having a miscarriage they said I had to stop all me meds etc. And then the last thing they said was ‘ring us on the first day of your next period so we can get started again’

At the time I didn’t think anything of it but now I can’t stop thinking about it. How do people go through this again so soon? And is it better to do it sooner rather than later to reduce the risks etc. Also, how do you risk being off work again if the worse was to happen again and for time off for appointments etc. I feel very confused and wondered if anyone could shed some light on how you’ve managed or coped with going through it after a miscarriage. Thank you for any replies and if you read all that xx

[Ivfgotadream]

My condolences about your miscarriage

I had 4 miscarriages and 2 ectopics and found the only way for me to start dealing with things was to plan to try to conceive again - having the next cycle/ovulation to think about, something to plan for, keep my mind occupied definitely helped x

[pineapp1e]

Hi Spottydog, firstly I’m so sorry for your loss. I’ve had 4 miscarriages and it’s a heartbreaking, world shattering thing to go through. All I can say is be kind to yourself, give yourself time and space to grieve and heal.

There were times when I didn’t think I could get through it, and couldn’t even contemplate trying again, but reach out to loved ones for support. I also found ‘The Miscarriage Association’ really helpful as well as miscarriage forums online and Zoe Adelle’s book ‘Saying Goodbye’ has a 90day support guide for the grief of miscarriage which really helped me feel understood. (She’s also on Instagram @zoeadelle)

I would say the right time to try again is when you are ready, emotionally, mentally and physically. I’m so sorry you are going through this, and if you need to talk at all please feel free to message me. Wishing you all the best xx

[EmyTW]

I was coming on here to write the same thing. I had a FET in January and at my seven week scan last week, I found out that I had misscarried (MMC). I opted to have a surgical procedure - as I couldn't bear to wait it out to pass naturally. I have an appointment with my Consultant this week to discuss next steps - I definitely want to try again, and I think much will be dictated by my Clinic's availability, but I also feel like I want to give my body a chance to recover and reset - so have chosen to at least wait two cycles (depending on when my period rocks up). I also want to have some time off not thinking about trying to get pregnant and enjoy life for a little bit. There is no right or wrong answer when you choose to try again - make sure you take the time to grieve and heal. xx

[Spottydog444]

Thank you all for your replies. I think I just need to give myself some time. It’s just physically and mentally draining. I wasn’t given the option to have it removed but I’m going to give it to the end of the week and if it is still not done then I am going to ring and ask for medical intervention as I think this part is actually making me iller just waiting around.

I have really irregular periods so I can’t really say a time on 2 cycles for example as that could take me to Christmas with how irregular they are or it could be the end of April so I don’t even really know how to judge it. I guess I can only give it time and wait and see. Good luck to everyone on this rollercoaster of a journey xx ha

[Kookypie]

Yes take some time as IVF is stressful as it is. But maybe by time your next period comes around you may feel mentally stronger.

I know at the time when I had my miscarriage it was truly awful but time is a healer and you will feel better but give it a few weeks at least x