Feeling absolutely hopeless 😩

[Angels2us]

Hi , I just wanted to say after another negative yet again I really don’t think I can continue feeling completely useless, it’s knocked every bit of confidence from me, I feel like I can’t do , anything anymore, I keep crying, not in front of anyone just on my own, trying to put a brave face on , but finding it really hard , I wouldn’t normally write things like this, I just wondering is this just me or has anyone else felt like this before .

I just don’t think I have any strength left in me to go for number 8 attempt , sorry to be so depressing 😢😢😢

[Beanybeanz]

It’s perfectly understandable to feel this way - the whole process is fraught with doubt & anxiety & hopelessness.

Let yourself wallow in it for a bit, you don’t need to be up and ready to go again immediately. Don’t feel you need to put the brave face on - do you have any friends or family you can talk to? It makes things so much better xxx

[Angels2us in reply to Beanybeanz]

Hi thanks for replying back , yes I do have some people I can talk to , but I don’t really want to burden them and I think it’s so hard for them to understand, they probably just say pull yourself together especially has I am 46 I think they probably just say get on with your life , which of course I know I have to do , I just need to get myself out this dark place first and start from there , xxxxx

[Lovemylion in reply to Angels2us]

It doesn't matter if your 46 or 26. It's perfectly normal to feel sad and reach out for help. It's a really hard road and I'm so sorry you are going through this. Just give yourself some time to recuperate before making the next step. Xx

[Wishingforabump]

Your emotions are 100% valid and understandable . Facing a negative test after a long process is very hard ... i cried myself to sleep million times before and instill do and honestly as much as i would love to be positive 24/7 it’s hard ! No one can understand what we are going though. Give urself sometime to heal these wounds , if u have a close friend or family member talk to them vent out these emotions . It’s very hard at first but somehow god loves us enough to put faith back into our hearts to start over . 💕

[Angels2us in reply to Wishingforabump]

Thanks so much for your kind words xxxx

[Millbanks]

Oh my love, I know that feeling well. I know it's just the worst

I absolutely don't want to sound flippant, but what helped me was knowing that it would pass - and that feeling will pass. Are there still tests that you can have done to investigate? Any changes that can be made to help you with a successful next transfer. Have you got a follow up with your consultant? I always find these things helpful xx

[Angels2us in reply to Millbanks]

Thanks for writing back , well I haven’t had era test yet, had all the others but my follow up is today , but this is the third Clinc I been too I think the consultant things there is no need and it’s a waste of money, and at the minute we are very low on funds so I not even sure if I can go again if I wanted too , but I see what he says later xxxx

[Millbanks in reply to Angels2us]

Have you had any pregnancies? Chemical or otherwise? You're probably looking at recurrent implantation failure - and there are specific clinics that deal with that. It might be worth an online consult just to cover all bases and see if there is anything different they can suggest. Funds are so difficult aren't they - it's hugely frustrating that it all comes down to that xx

[Angels2us in reply to Millbanks]

Yes had 3 chemicals, but the last one last week was a negative on day 14 , years did get the twinges all along till day 8 then nothing,

I was taking

3x lubion

3 x cyclogest

1 x dalteparin ( blood thinners injection)

3 x pro nova

My progesterone levels was 71 day before

And 101 , 3 days after

This time I did 5.5 days of progesterone because I was getting chemicals at day 5

[Millbanks in reply to Angels2us]

It could be that you are post-receptive and need less time on progesterone before transfer? xx

[Angels2us in reply to Millbanks]

Yes maybe I never thought of that I just thought if I was getting positives at 5 day I needed I little bit more , never really thought it could be the other way round xxxx

[Millbanks in reply to Angels2us]

It could be worth trying that if you don't want to do the full ERA test. Do you have any frosties or would it be a full new round? xx

[Angels2us in reply to Millbanks]

No unfortunately all gone now xxx

[Millbanks in reply to Angels2us]

I would talk it through with your consultant today, see what the options are. Maybe PGS testing, maybe ERA, you've had immune testing done? If not that might help? xx

[Angels2us in reply to Millbanks]

Hi yes they was pigs tested , I did have the immune testing everything ok , apart from sticky blood so they put me on dalteparin for that oh and I was on the steroids 20 mg a day xx

[Scarlett13]

So sorry to read this. You’ve been trying for so long so it’s understandable and perfectly normal to be feeling like this. I hope this will bring you hope...it was the 8th embryo that I had transferred that got me my now 1 year old son. I was feeling like you then along he came xxx

[Angels2us]

Thanks for your support xxx

[Corchi]

I’m so sorry for the way you’re feeling I wish I could give you a big hug and tell you that everything is going to be OK. Sending you some positive energy Always here to talk if you want to PM me

[Angels2us in reply to Corchi]

Thanks xxxx

[IVFat40]

Just to say I feel like I can also really related to what you're saying/how you're feeling. I'm 5 transfers (7 embryos) down so far, and feeling like I almost can't face any more because the pain of failure each time is so debilitating (and then impacts on other areas of life like work too). I think how you're feeling is completely valid, and in fact it's a really 'normal' response, I think it would be odd if we didn't feel this way after so many losses. I do also agree with what was said above about it passing, I really hold on to that.

[Angels2us in reply to IVFat40]

Thanks so much it’s very comforting to here that I am still normal and not overreacting xxxx

[Lisichka]

So sorry reading your post Angels. I know you’ve been through so much and I really feel for you. It’s all so unfair and cruel.

What I found helpful is having counseling regularly, she really pulled me through the bad times. I’ve been with her for almost two years now (I see talk to her every fortnight). I wonder if it’s worth for you to investigate this option?

And just also know that it’s ok to feel everything you’re feeling right now, it’s been a very hard journey for you.

Thinking of you xxx

[Angels2us in reply to Lisichka]

Thanks so much, the Clinc have offered this to me , I always said no but maybe it’s worth thinking about now xxxx