Difficult time of year

[SalenaJaques]

Hi girls, I’m wondering how everyone feels around this time of year? I’m nervous now that I’ve finished work as the past 5 years, every time I finish work for Christmas, I end up feeling anxious & emotional. My husband doesn’t get it and always puts a lot of effort into Christmas. I, on the other hand, feel exhausted and sad. Sorry to be so negative again

[Birdbaby]

Hey. I think it is a difficult time of year as usually Christmas is about kids so it’s only natural to be emotional. I know I kept wishing I had a child so the magic of Christmas would return. I’ve found spending less time on social media helps me x

[SalenaJaques in reply to Birdbaby]

Hi, I agree. The only thing I want is a baby. I swap/ do anything to have a family. I don’t have any close childless friends left so I’m finding it especially hard, wrapping all the gifts for the children in my life. I agree, I think I may delete my social media apps tonight 👍 thanks xx

[leo1980 in reply to Birdbaby]

Hey it’s ok! I had a massive wobble at the beginning of Dec. But what really set me off was family and friends with children making demands on what to buy gifts and when to meet etc. The new restrictions saved me god knows I would have cracked and said something really awful. Eg. One cousin sent me a link of a few things to buy her two kids with a budget per kid... ordinarily I would have found this helpful but this time is really wound me up. Another cousin on husband side said he would love to meet for a walk in the park. Then gave us a time (didn’t work for us) and a location that again meant we needed to trek across town to see them because they have kids. Again I am usually accommodating but the thought of my whole life being the childless Aunt having to run around after everyone... it also annoyed said park was not dog friendly... i have a beautiful black lab! And they know this! No point me walking if I can’t take my pet!! Just hang in there... you are not alone. The spirit of Christmas has turned into a spirit of sadness for me this year.. (also at the end of my journey) long story and not a happy one!!! Send you love

[SalenaJaques in reply to leo1980]

Thank you ❤️ I seem to have a lump in my throat at everything Christmassy- music, adverts, movies, sitting too long in front of my tree 😂😂😂🤷‍♀️🙈 I will find my strength again today. Determined not to let this infertility get the better of me. Sending you love too. PS I would have been mad if my dog couldn’t have come fir a walk too xx

[Goldie24]

Yep me too! This is our fourth Christmas where we have said “things will be different next year”. We really believed it this time after our FET in November but sadly wasn’t to be. Seeing my little niece get so excited doing all of the things with the family that we should be doing with our little one breaks me. My husband said again the other day “next year will be a quiet one as you’ll probably be pregnant blah blah blah” and I just burst into tears and asked him how he still believed that 🤷🏼‍♀️. I plan to eat my body weight in food, drink lots of Buck’s Fizz/baileys/kir royale and then after new year it’s time to start getting my body back in a state to start all over again again xx

[SalenaJaques in reply to Goldie24]

Thank you for sharing and your post did make me laugh in regards to eating/ drinking what you like as I’m doing the same! We won’t be going back for another round as we have had 4 rounds and 4 transfers. The only thing I have to show for it is two surgeries and a piece of my heart that will never heal. My husband doesn’t want us to go through it again. We are going to rethink our next steps in January xxxx

[Goldie24 in reply to SalenaJaques]

I can completely understand that. Every cycle is absolutely exhausting and I can see a point for us too when we decide that there has been enough heartbreak. We have only had one transfer but it was our 5th attempt at getting there. Sending gentle hugs x

[Bettyjoy]

Ah SalenaJaques! This is my sixth Christmas since I first miscarried- had four rounds of IVF, four failed transfers, biopsies and all sorts since. I used to love Christmas, now it carries so much sadness for me. This year I thought it would be different, because I have finally got a positive pregnancy test and we arenow waiting for the viability scan. I thought that this new situation would

make me feel differen about it all, but it is not the case- I feel that we are in limbo (a shaky one, i have been bleeding and been put on extra progesterone injections) and the closer we are getting to the day of the scan the more nervous and unsure of it all I am

becoming. I cannot even face the flipping Christmas zoom call with relatives- I resent so much the fact that they really don’t have a care in the world: they have no health problems, they are allsuccessful and beautiful and,

most importantly, they all have beautiful, healthy, gifted, talented, adorable children. Their main problem is the lockdown.

My main problem is figuring out my future

life without children- and surviving another potential disappointment, if things don’t go well in a few days. I wish I wasn’t feeling like this, but I flippin’ do. All I want to scream is a big IT IS SO FREAKING UNFAIR, and stick up a finger during the freaking zoom call... And what about those women who insist on giving you for Christmas

wonderful calendars of photos of their beautiful children, despite the fact they know what kind of shit you have gone through? Have you had any of them yet? You have to laugh at some stuff people think it is appropriate, haven’t you?

Why has it got to be so hard for some

of us? I don’t know. It feels so unfair.

I guess I can only choose to be grateful for the good things in my life; reminding myself of that is almost like a full

time job to be honest. I don’t think there is another way to live through this, or at least I haven’t found it. Anyway, this is probably not going to cheer you up, but please do remember that you are not alone, there are so many of us feeling like this, who are battling heartache and disappontment and are trying to reinvent their lives, so many of us

who want to stick up a finger... I am here if you want to talk.

Sending you big hugs and much love 🤗

[SalenaJaques]

Yes!! I’ve had calendars 😂 I’m so glad you are voicing the inappropriateness I am feeling!!! I’m like you, very grateful for what I have got but am ultimate sadness that I’m infertile. Sending you all the love and support! You deserve it. Thank you fir making me laugh xxxx