8 years later, time to try IVF

Hi all, I've just joined this site and am just starting the IVF journey. Hubby and I have been trying for 8 years, and we finally found out what the problem was (low ovarian reserve) a year ago. Unfortunately my BMI was 41 so now I've lost 3 stone and hit a BMI of 34, I can do IVF privately. I turned 33 last week, and am going to start the down-regulation injections very soon - I'm waiting impatiently for day 1 so I can start counting. I'm excited but terrified. Apparently we're around a third less likely than normal to succeed, which at my calculation is a 1 in 5 chance. We can afford 3 rounds using my eggs, but only 1 egg donation if it turns out in this first go that I just don't have enough eggs. I've always wanted kids and my heart aches whenever someone else tells me they're pregnant or asks if I'm planning kids. I am so scared of it not working. How do you cope with the emotional side of it? Good luck everyone. K x

17 Replies

  • I have CBT counseling every 2 weeks and reflexology to help me relax and cope with the tsunami of emotions that come with this infertility c*ap. I still get very sad every time I get a BFN or have to congratulate someone on their pregnancy announcement- but I've learned it's ok and normal to feel sad and I don't stay that way for too long anymore. I really hope you get success with your IVF. Xx

  • Thank you - that's such good advice, and I think counselling might be the way forward for me too. Infertility is such a horrible experience and other people just don't understand. I really hope it all works out for you too. Kx

  • Hiya

    This journey isn't easy and takes allot out of both you and your hubby. My suggestion is try not tell everyone because then there are too many people in the mix, speak openly about your feeling to hubby even though they don't get it sometimes, it best to be open and honest don't bottle things up.

    Keep occupied,have a little you time get a good book and few movies.

    Relax, enjoy and stay positive. You will have up and down days, you will have days when you question if it's all worth it. Days when everything seems unfair and you have a little beat up if yourself, don't worry it's normal, I had a failed cycle back in Nov and we are getting ready to go again in April.

    The support on here is fab.

    Just remember keep positive

    Good luck lots of baby dust to you


  • Thank you so much Tamtam1. There's a part of me that wants to tell the world that there is a chance - but the biggest part of me knows it's right to keep this secret close. It's hard to think of anything else though so I'll be taking your advice about keeping occupied. So much of what you say rings true - especially the bit about feeling that it's all so unfair. Fortunately hubby is a wonderful support - I know I'm lucky in that respect.

    I really really hope that your next attempt is successful.

    K xx

  • Hi Karen82, welcome to this site! You will find it amazingly invaluable, and find you are by no means the only one in life with these struggles- as it can feel sometimes! Really I echo what the other ladies have said. I too am 33 and been ttc for 3 years (can't imagine how difficult 8 years has been). We are in the midst of our 1st IVF cycle- my eggs are being collected tomorrow :)

    Anything at all you want to know, just post, no question is too silly, we are all on the same roller-coaster of a ride with you xxx

  • Wow - good luck tomorrow! You're right - this site is really helping, it's nice to see I'm not alone. The 8 years for us flew by and now it's scary to think we're actually going to try. It all suddenly feels very real.

    I'll be thinking of you tomorrow - let us know how it goes.


  • Hi Karen82

    Welcome to the site. I have found this site and the ladies on here a huge support, they offer tons of advice and tips and it's also great because you don't feel so alone. I have coped by talking to my partner (alot) lol, reading posts on here and also I have a few friends and family members also who know just so you can get different perspectives from people. But you will know what works best for you. I am egg sharing and have my 1st appointment on Friday to make sure all my blood tests are OK, and they we just wait for the call to say we have been matched up with another lady who wants to be a Mum as much as me! I make so many plans when I'm having to wait for appointments to always have something to look forward to and distract me.

    Always feel free to post on here no matter how daft, silly or irrelevant you might think it is. There is always a lady on here who get's it :-)

    All the best xxxxx

  • Gosh - good luck this week! I don't really know what egg sharing is but I really hope it all goes well. I've been dealing with infertility for such a long time and didn't know this site existed! All of the advice and kind words is just lovely, and hugely appreciated at the moment. I hope the next step of your process works out.


  • I'm on my first time cycle too we have had to use donor eggs as I am 46. We had 3 eggs make it to blastocyst stage so had one transferred on Monday just gone and two frozen, the two week wait is harder than I thought, took a week off as guided by care and that was fine, but I succumbed to temptation and tested on Sunday all for a negative result !!! so feeling crestfallen. I know it was far to early and my partner is ever hopefully and keeps telling me to be positive, but feel I've let him down and i am failure. So my advice to you Karen82 is do what they say and wait, please do not be tempted to test earlier, it is such an emotional rollercoaster anyway don't add to it. I hope all goes well for you here's hoping we both do well and have babies

  • Oh Bunnikins28, that wait sounds horrible! Surely you've got to give it a few more days though - a pregnancy test wouldn't normally work a week later in a natural conception?! I really hope this one works out for you. You're not a failure - it's absolutely not your fault. Isn't it bizarre that we blame ourselves when there's nothing we can do about it? I still feel guilty that I'm the person that will potentially stop my in-laws from ever having a grandchild as my husband is an only child. It's not my fault that I'm lacking eggs but I still feel horribly guilty.

    I really hope it goes well for you. K xx

  • Hi Karen

    Thanks for your kind words I just felt really sorry for myself the other day I'm back on top now, back to work so that's taking my mind off things Hope your okay and I didn't scare you, its not that bad, the 2ww if you have plenty of things to keep your mind off and don't be an idiot like me and test to soon!!

    I know how you feel about producing a child as my husband is an only child too and although there is no pressure from him at all I know deep down he would love a child as would the in-laws, but its out of hands and what will be will be... she says fingers, toes and everything else crossed for good luck ha ha , but seriously hope all goes well for you and we both get blessed x

  • Hi Karen, I agree with what everyone else has said. Reading your post is like reading how I have felt at times (many times). You are not alone and people on here can be a great support. I have seen a counsellor, which was a great help. You will have good and bad days, that's normal. I think writing on here is a great help because as you can see, people understand.

    As for coping with the emotional side, everyone is different. Do something you like, make time for yourself & your partner. Be kind to yourself. This is a big thing & it's ok to have a bad day. I didn't go to a family members baby shower & I felt guilty but I just couldn't have coped with it at the time.

    I'm currently between ivf cycles & that's probably making it easier because I have a focus for the future. I wish you all the best. Keep us updated & ask if you need advice xx

  • Thanks Dee22 - everything you say rings true for me. I left a lunch early today because 3 colleagues on maternity leave turned up with 3 babies, and I just couldn't do it. If nothing else, your and everyone else's replies just make me feel so relieved that my changing emotions are normal. Sometimes I feel completely depressed, sometimes positive, and other times just a bit knackered. I wish none of us had to go through this but I'm glad my emotions are normal.

    Masses of luck with your next cycle, I hope it's successful.


  • Hi Karen, Firstly congrats on your weight loss and good luck with your IVF. I'm also 33 and have been ttc for 2 years.

    Infertility brings with it a huge emotional strain that I think we all battle to control daily! One moment you can feel completely fine and the next you're in floods of tears! So, after 8 years of this, it sounds like you're doing amazingly well.

    I've been seeing a counsellor regularly which has been a huge help. I've started Tai Chi which is great for relaxation (yoga or Pilates is good too) and I generally try to excercise regularly. I find reading helps to take my mind off things too.

    Best of luck with your treatment x

  • Thanks Hopeful1982 - I'm relieved about the weight loss but suddenly that particular mountain seems a bit small compared to what's ahead. I'm relieved that what I'm feeling is normal and I hugely appreciate the advice you and everyone has given me. It sounds like I need to keep life going as best as possible but I guess it's a day at a time. Good luck to you too, and thank you. K xx

  • hi Karen 82..good luck with your journey. Did you not have any tests in those 8 years? I was also found to have a low AMH in fact that low that the NHS hospital we were referred to refused me treatment so we ended up private. My partner also had a zero sperm count so a double jammy... however we were successful and im 28 weeks now so don't loose hope. I started on the highest dose to have the best chance of getting eggs.. any questions please feel free to message me. All the best x

  • Oh wow!! That's brilliant - well done!! I only had a few basic hormone tests and an ultrasound but it never seemed too much of a big deal as lots of other things were going on and my BMI was too high for the NHS to consider helping. Your story gives me hope though - thank you and good luck! Kx

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