Really difficult time in my couple - Fertility Network UK

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Really difficult time in my couple

Clementinedam
Clementinedam

Since the verdict that my eggs are of bad quality, I can see my husband taking distance and considering separation. I am obviously in deep sadness and real shock. I wouldn’t have anticipated that and he recognise that it is not something he really wishes but acknowledge that the though is crossing his mind. This is also a super difficult part in this fertility nightmare...

11 Replies

That’s really sad! I sometimes wonder how my partner feels I have 2 kids and we have had 2 mmc if we can’t have a child together he might leave we’ve had no tests yet he’s younger than me too. I hope not.

Clementinedam
Clementinedam in reply to gcw104

Wishing you the best, I would stay hopeful as 2 MNC is a small number to make any conclusion at this stage.

That is so sad. I hope he will stand by you no matter what. Even if me and Hubby never have any children we still have each other. You could consider donor eggs as an option but it would have to be something you wanted to do for you, not just your husband xx

Thanks you for your nice message. I thought also that we still had each other but I really fear he might abandon me.

DianeArnold
DianeArnoldAdministrator

Hi Clementinedam. I was so sorry to read this, and of course i do hope that he stays with you. After all, it's not your fault things aren't going quite to plan. As dear "Tugsgirl" says you have each other still. Would some counselling help? Even have some thought about using an egg donor, although I realise it's not for everyone, and you both have to want to try. If it's just down to your hormones being too high or low, depending upon test results, perhaps there could be a different protocol/approach to try again. Obviously, I wish you well with whatever is decided, but most of all I hope you stay together. Diane

Thanks Diane. I went through 6 failed attempt so I am really loosing hope. We are starting to explore egg donation. I think that when they say ‘women with low ovarian failure are under stress and the fear of abandon’. I don’t think it is a fictional fear. Unfortunately in my case, this fear is justified...

Hi there, I really feel for you. It’s an emotional time at the moment, but you do have alternative options to consider.

I’m hoping that you can both work through this difficult time together. Sending you big hugs 💕 xx

Hi Clementinedam.

first of all, let me send you a hug. I am so sorry of hearing this.

Then, please apologise me for reading through your old posts. I could see that while you have a premature ovarian failure, your husband's sperm is not at its best either. I would second Diane's opinion and suggest counselling. It seems to me that you are both at sea, and I understand you. I am the only responsible for our infertility, and my partner and I had countless "fights" over IVF, but since I started to go to counselling we had more open discussions, and we managed to find a peaceful common ground.

I wish you all the best of luck xxx

Clementinedam
Clementinedam in reply to MofM

Thanks for your advice (and the hug) Yes, that's true my husband sperm is not has it best but this fact is overshadowed by my poor quality eggs. It is a very difficult time, we decided to speak to a common friend to help us. My husband resist developing any empathy to what I am going through, this is really difficult as I have been very alone with my fear and my pains. For the moment, I am not the most positive person and this backfire in my daily and professional relationships.

MofM
MofM in reply to Clementinedam

I really feel you there. I just finished shouting at my partner that he doesn't understand how I feel, how scared I am, and how much there is at stake for me, and that I am tired of him throwing shit at me. This "peaceful common ground" still a bit unstable, but we are working on it :)

Asking a common friend to help is indeed a good first step, and I hope this will be enough to reconcile the two of you. However, I still suggest meeting a counsellor experienced with infertility, since both of you would not like to be in the same place once the stress of the IVF builds up again. It should be mandatory anyway if you are exploring the egg donation route, but I am not sure about this and some other ladies will sure be helpful than I am ;)

Don't let infertility affect your life more than it should be. You are more than your ovaries and if someone says the contrary, they are to be ashamed, not you. You have many qualities and skills which cannot (and should not) be affected by your ability to produce eggs, and your husband should know since he has married you in the first place :)

Also If you cannot be positive, be as strong as you can xxx

So sorry to hear your going through tough times with your hubby as well as trying to concieve.

So sorry to also hear you feel like you're alone. Please always know that you are never alone here, we will always be here to listen and support you.

I hope you can work things through with your husband and make a plan going forward.

You still have a chance but it May take longer to get there but you will get there.

Sending lots of love. Xxx

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