Hi everyone
Just curious really as to how others are feeling and coping with this time of year?
To me it feels even more lonely at this time of year than other times, because it magnifies what I don't have and desperately want, but I also want to try and enjoy it and give myself a break (mentally and physically).
How do others feel and what do you do during this period of time - especially those who haven't yet had a living child?
Sending hugs xx
Heyyyy same here. I feel quite lonely and sad, I'm hanging one little stocking for the 7th time in hope that next year I'll be cuddling not only my dog but one little baby too ... I went to Tesco yesterday and I felt chased by pregnant women at every aisle, the car park, then at the petrol station 😂😂😂
I feel sad but so hopeful, and Christmas is my second favourite day of the year so I've decorated everywhere, I'm buying presents for everyone, will write cards to all my neighbours. I'll try and forget for a couple of weeks the struggle and the sadness.
Good thing is mum is coming around for the holidays and we will have a trip to London, we will go Portsmouth and Brighton so will take my mind away for a while.
Not having a baby to dress so I got an outfit for my dog 😂😂😂😂
So let's all just forget about infertility and losses, medication, transfers and feel like normal humans for a while!
Sending love, hugs and smiles your way! 😍😍😍❄️❄️❄️❄️🥰🥰🥰❤️❤️❤️❤️
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I love that picture of your dog, it's amazing and the dog looks like they're having a great time! Sounds like you have some bits organised which I'm sure will be a welcome distraction from everything.
I remember seeing your poem last year around this time about the little stocking, it feels so harsh that this year wasn't the one to see us with our babies but I'm pleased you keep the hope alive xx
In our situation distraction is always more than welcome isn't it? I was just telling hubby about my poem last night and I've asked him if he wanted to read it and he said NO 🤣🤣🤣 If is up to him he wouldn't mind not having a child he once told me "I married you not to have a child but because I love you and whatever life throws at us as long as I have you next to me, that's all I need". I sometimes feel he is ready to just stop trying and let us live our lives without having a kid. And not because he doesn't want it but he said he is fed up seeing me go through all that over and over again. Anyway I got out of the topic, but I'm keep thinking in the last few days for the last 7 years and I so wish I could be my old self again 🤗❤️I'm sure that's the case for most of us we just want our lives back but with a little baby in it.
Hope you are doing well today ❤️❤️❤️
Hello Skittles11 , to me it feels very isolating and depressing- especially during the Christmas week where literally everyone keeps posting photos of their children etc.
This year will be harder as I had another retrieval and transferred three more with no success.
For the first time, I am thinking it might not happen. All I keep seeing everywhere I go are pregnant women or women pushing strollers 🤣
I have decided not to decorate as it brings even more sadness. We instead are going for a holiday to Rome to try and take our minds off what we re going through.
We are also getting a golden retriever next year 😍
Totally feel this ❤️ I hope the time away in Rome enables you to take your minds off things and create some nice memories. Ahh a golden retriever will be amazing, will it be a puppy? X
Yes at 12 weeks 
cant wait!!! We are also moving house. I am going to take a pause and focus on these imp milestones.
I feel that infertilty and ivf is stealing away so much from my life
Ahhh, this is me also! I find it really difficult. I'm not looking forward to meeting all the new babies that were born recently in my extended family either, it's such a hard thing! 😥
Even worse that my beta for my next transfer is likely to be just a few days before Christmas - that's possibly going to be very tough! Usually as long as I have a couple days to pull myself together I can put a brave face on though! I'm just going to try focus on 2023 and the amazing possibilities that lay ahead. I know I'm in the right hands, and I know that even it ends up being a surrogate or adoption, etc. I'm looking forward to that one very special day that I know will be coming! Sending you lots of love 💕 xx
Thinking of you today and wishing you luck...oh i know all about the "brave" face though I don't think I'm very good at it xx
Thank you lovely 💗 xx
Hi Skittles,
I completely understand how you feel, most of people we meet over Christmas don’t know what we are going through so it will be about putting a brave face on…
I had missed miscarriage confirmed only today after trying to find out what’s wrong for 2 weeks so not started any Christmas preparations yet. I think I will opt for pop up Christmas tree 🎄 and quite a few drinks when at home.
Let’s hope next year will be better, wish you all the best, have you already decided about next steps for New Year? xx
I'm so sorry you have just had this terrible news, and that you've had to wait to learn conclusively what's going on. Those waits are horrible, waiting on tests and scans whilst full of worry.
I haven't yet decided on my next steps, been trying to take a little break although as we all know, it is near to impossible to take a mental break as its always in your mind.
Take good care of yourself xx
It’s a really tough time of year 💔
2 years ago I got my 4th BFN on Christmas Eve, just a few weeks after my dad had died. It was tough. I drank quite a lot and ate everything I’d avoided for so long. I’m some ways it was cathartic and in others it made me feel worse.
But what kept me going was having a plan for the new year. I just wanted to put all IVF/baby stuff aside for a couple of weeks, knowing that we would start again soon.
I hope you can feel a bit like that too xx
Yes for sure having a plan in place always seems to help. I have been struggling with even formulating a plan, my thoughts are a mess!
I'm so sorry to hear that you lost your dad not long ago, that must be very painful 💔 xx
I know what you mean. Sometimes it all just feels a bit foggy doesn’t it.
I found that writing down all options (whether or not they were realistic) really helped to clear my thoughts.
Aww thank you. Yes it was pretty brutal as it was during covid and I’m so sad that he didn’t get to meet his grandson 💔💖 xxx
Hi I apologise in advance for the negative reply I just wanted to share my feelings , I feel so sad , so isolated & so lost & it only brings another layer of sadness during the festive season . After losing a child , I feel cannot enjoy or will not enjoy a Christmas ever again , I am in grief everyday , but Christmas seems to highlight the loss even more so as we see parents / families in preparation & enjoying all the Christmas build up & fun that we miss out on
I go into this December approaching another year older on Friday , still struggling , still having to face more ivf treatment in the new year , all the while thinking what should have been , our daughter would be 15 months old this month , & instead of getting to wrap up her gifts & see her excited face light up , we have to visit her grave . Although we do find comfort in decorating her little garden as we call it. She has full festive decs a mini tree , reindeers etc . Because we will do our best for her even this way. Strangely enough we still feel like we are parenting her by doing these little things. 💗
I know how difficult it must be for yourself having suffered an extremely difficult/painful loss & lots of treatment. I really hope you can find some joy after all you’ve been through !
It is very challenging for us who still in our journeys for a living child sending everyone hugs & strength xx
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This is so incredibly moving especially seeing how special you have made your daughter's little garden. It's incredibly beautiful, it truly is, thank you for sharing. Your message brought a tear to my eye for many reasons xx
Your little girls garden is beautiful and shows how perfectly loved she is. Sending you the biggest hug xx
I find it difficult , I used to love Xmas but it’s been very hard to enjoy the last few years. Sending you lots of love . Really hoping 2023 is our year 🤞🤞
I'm keeping everything crossed for us xx
It's rough. So many family members with kids, so many questions and honestly loneliness. It makes me really sad especially because I used to love the holidays
I'm with you on this one. I was always really fond of Christmas and enjoyed catching up with everyone and having lots of delicious food and drink. Now I feel I can't do any of that as the social aspect is far too difficult and the food and drink aspect just leaves me feeling bad that I indulged! Sending hugs 🫂
Hello lovely,
The honest truth is that I think Christmas is an incredibly difficult time for women struggling with infertility and IVF and also coping with the loss of a baby. For me, every year that passed was becoming harder and harder and I just decided I had to protect myself and look after myself and me and my husband just took time for ourselves. We weren't very sociable. I know this sounds terrible but I just couldn't be surrounded by 'happy' families, babies and pregnant women, especially after losing our baby boy in the second trimester and having to go through more IVF and failed cycles afterwards. Life just seemed very cruel and unfair.
We decided to go on breaks/mini-holidays just the two of us and only see certain family and friends if and when we felt we were ready for it, but we did spend quite a lot of time just the two of us. We did enjoy a few glasses of wine and other treats we couldn't have whilst going through IVF treatment.
And what kept us going was having a plan (or a few plans!) for the following year and being hopeful that surely we deserved something better?!
I really hope that 2023 is much much kinder to you because you truly deserve it. All my love xxxxx
Thank you for sharing this. I can relate to so much of it. Me and my hubby went away last year, it was not long after our TFMR loss and I just could not bear the thought of being around babies, toddlers and pregnancies. Actually anyone to be fair. Just needed to shut myself away, we didn't really mark Christmas at all.
Now we are one year out since our loss and I just don't know where I'm at or what I fancy doing, I just know I need to protect myself as I feel quite vulnerable. I agree with the idea of having a plan and feel that always helps, I have to say I am struggling with what to do next though, been struggling for weeks!
Thank you for your lovely words, you always say such kind and supportive things xx
It is absolutely normal to feel the way you are feeling. I was absolutely the same.
I have seen your other post and it seems like you have a plan now, which is good.
I wish I could really do something to make you feel better…. I am sending you a BIG hug and I want you to know that you are not alone on this incredibly hard journey. Xxxxxx
Hey Skittles, I feel so strange this year, I'm really keen to just get past Christmas as I just don't feel like celebrating because the one thing I want more than anything else in the world I still don't have. On the other hand, it's like I'm just going with it from day to day. Last year I really believed that things would work out this year and that things would be different by this Christmas. This year I can't even tell myself that, I just don't know what next year will even hold for us or what situation we'll be in by next Christmas Xx
Am with you on this one, all the unknowns are crippling. Each year passes and, like you, I think maybe things will be different next year and then when they aren't it makes celebrating the furthest thing from my mind but yet all the pressures make it impossible. Xx
hey! Worst time of the year. All my friends and families are enjoying the festivities with young children- Santa visits, elf on the shelf, Xmas shopping…… this time of year always makes me feel left behind . You’re certainly not on your own with this post. Xxx
Hey, how are you doing? Been wondering how you are since that ridiculously unhelpful feedback session you had. For sure I feel the same re Christmas, it makes it very difficult with the ongoing posts on social media too which I think I shall avoid throughout the festive time!
X
ah thanks for remembering and checking in. Since that awful consultation, I’ve done nothing. Zilch. It REALLY took the wind out of my sails . I’m hoping in the new year to get some mojo back to get back on the horse for round 4 xx
Hi,Its tough going I had a miscarriage New Years Eve last year so finding it tough going this time of the year. I will be working this year so that is a good distraction.
Im doing this solo so that is also tough going but I need to stay positive and keep going.
I had a failed fresh transfer with donor egg and donor sperm and that failed in November. That was in Malaga.
If I knew it was going to be this long and tough I dont think I would have started it but now that I have started dont know if I can stop
Next year will be our year we just have to stay positive.
All the very to everyone going through this.
Take a look at fertilitynetworkuk.org and access webinars and listen to" Christmas when your trying to conceive" for some support at this time of year
Thinking of you
Janet
aww I honestly know how you feel. I have walked round the shops for soo many Christmas Imagining what it would be like to buy the presents and decorating etc it’s really hard. I actually fill December with all my friends kids. I help my friends wrap the parcels then see there kids faces on xmas day. I go to the panto with them and they include me in so much. I know that’s not for everyone but it works for me. And I probably drink far to much Prosecco to get me through 😂😂
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