2WW, first FET after miscarriage, anxiety, time off work

[Jojolou]

This is my first ever forum post and although I've been a long voyeur of reading comments on IVF forums I've never posted but I'm going crazy and I suppose I am looking for solace in shared experiences. I'm off work atm as I just had a meltdown on the eve of my most recent FET, I am now 7dpt and I realise that I hadn't dealt with my pregnancy loss after my last FET in April. Can anyone else relate? I just don't think I grieved and properly dealt with my miscarriage and went back to work after I passed the embryo (I'm a teacher so was back to work during the pandemic). As my FET loomed I just didn't prepare myself for the emotions that would rear their ugly head, I have since soght counselling and been signed off work, is that the right thing to do? I'm so anxious about work but I just can't leave the house as I'm so caught up in this TWW.

I guess I'm posting to see if anyone else went through this too? Did people feel this way? Did people take time off work for their TWW?

I'm absolutely terrified about taking that pregnancy test. I know people like to test early but I am the complete opposite I am terrified about seeing a negative result but equally I'm terrified to see a positive because I just don't know if I can cope with another miscarriage. Slowly losing my mind over here

[Cassie_56]

Hi Jojo, So sorry to hear of your loss earlier this year and how you’re feeling now. You are definitely not alone.

I think having counselling is really positive as can help you work through your loss which is so important to do.

I’m a teacher too and I’ve been off work from egg collection as just couldn’t deal with it all and my anxiety. I’m still off now and going to try and get sick note extended. You have to put yourself first and do what’s best for you. For me that’s being off and looking after myself. For others that being back at work as a distraction.

Try and do some things to try and keep your mind off it though, whether it be a craft activity, Christmas shopping, baking.

You will get through this, it’s tough but you’ll get there even if it doesn’t feel like it now! Xxx

[Jojolou in reply to Cassie_56]

Thank you so much Cassie. Sending you lots of positivity too. That teacher guilt is real isn't it? But you are so right, we have to put ourselves first at times, otherwise we're no good to anyone.

[Zebedee1971]

I don't think being a teacher helps at all. I gave up my full time job in May 2018 as ivf was taking up too much of my time and it was putting extra stress on me- that pressure to get back so they don't have a useless supply messing everything up. Ironically, I ended up doing supply and one of my first posts was covering a teacher who was on her third ivf cycle. It started out as a 2 week cover, then turned into a month, and I do believe ended up being the full half term. As an experienced teacher doing supply, it was interesting being on the other end, seeing how the other staff felt about the continued absence. They were really concerned about the teacher and were in no rush to pressure her to come back. They were happy with the job I was doing with the class and the children didn't suffer at all, I treated them like my class. The point I'm making is that sometimes teachers can feel like they can't have time off, like the class will suffer if you don't come back... They'll be fine, and so will whoever teaches them while you're gone. The most important thing is that you take care of yourself. If this means booking a whole half term off, or a term, so be it. Forget about work- it isn't important. You need to put yourself first, and every single person you work with I guarantee will say the same. Speak to someone you trust at the school, explain you need some time to grieve and to process everything you've been through. Take yourself off the treadmill and relax. We've all been in your position-- when I got my positive a couple of months ago I almost wished the pregnancy would end sooner rather than later. I'm now 9 weeks in and every day is a step closer to an actual baby. It's scary as hell!! But I made the decision to stop working when I was 6 weeks pregnant to focus on keeping the baby. All I do all day is read books, so some housework, play with the dog, no stress, just focusing on what's important. Don't feel like you need to rush back to work. There's always someone who can step in and take the reins for a bit. Be kind to yourself, put yourself first xx

[Jojolou in reply to Zebedee1971]

Zebedee, thank you so so much. How reassuring and you are so right. So pleased for your positive news. Take care of yourself, it sounds like you are. I really needed to hear your words today.

[DianeArnold Partner Nurse Fertility Network UK]

Hi Jojolou. Oh dear me, it seems as if you were very much lacking in support when you lost your early miscarriage. Do make sure to take up any offers of counselling while you are waiting to test if you can. Keep up with any prescribed medication and test on the day recommended by your clinic, which you say you will anyway, so well done there. Have a rest when you can, but keep busy in between if you can. I shall be thinking of you. Diane

[Jojolou in reply to DianeArnold]

Thank you Diane, so kind of you. ☺️