Sorry for the depressing post but I’ve just came on my period and feeling a bit down, fed up and decided to get something off my chest while I have a little cry.
We’ve been trying for a baby now for nearly 4 years and I’m just sick of keeping it to ourselves like it’s some dirty little secret. I’m sick of not talking about it, I’m sick of saying I’m okay when I’m not, I’m sick of crying every month behind closed doors when our world shatters but painting a smile on my face in public. I’m sick of feeling worthless, I’m sick of taking folic acid every day for nothing to come of it, I’m sick of feeling guilty for being sad when I find out others are pregnant (even though I am genuinely happy for them, I’m just sad for me at the same time which makes me feel selfish and even worse) I‘m sick of imagining the future we might never have, I’m sick of being asked ‘who’s mammy are you’ in the innocent way kids do (okay that only happened once but it broke my heart replying with ‘I’m no-ones mammy’ as my chin wobbled).
I’m sick of these emotions on a 4 week cycle for the last 4 years, I’m sick of waiting for Covid to do one so my IVF treatment can actually start (mine was cancelled in April), I’m sick of waiting to hear when it will be able to start again, I’m sick of crying in the middle of the night because I’ve dreamt I’m pregnant or cuddling my baby and wake up, I’m sick of not knowing whether it will ever happen for us, I’m sick of feeling sorry for myself when I know I have a lot to be grateful for we are alive and healthy, I’m sick of being asked whether we are going to have kids because time is ticking, I’m sick of not feeling good enough, I’m sick of constantly thinking about it, I’m sick of feeling left out (as petty as it sounds) and not being able to contribute to conversations because I’m the only one there without children (of course I don’t actually expect people to not talk about their kids around me though) I’m sick of worrying, I’m sick of ovulation and pregnancy tests, I’m sick of how misunderstood infertility is, and most of all I’m sick of trying...
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Alwaysbelieving
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Totally understand all of that. I’ll add sick of people not offering support or even trying to understand. Sick of ‘I’m sure it’ll be fine’ comments- yeah because it’s been fine so far!! Hoping your IVF cycle starts soon x
Thank you, yeah I hate that one too ‘it’ll be fine’ or it’ll happen when the time is right 😤 I know it’s said with the best intentions and there’s probably not much that can be said to be fair but still annoying 😂 x
Hi wow everything you’ve said is exactly how I’ve felt & feeling currently throughout the journey .
The worst is when people say try not to try “relax “ & it will happen, I’m currently awaiting a 2nd ivf cycle , & family / friends know mostly all of what we’ve been through but no one has bothered to ask about it all or how I am lately it’s like all brushed under the carpet. & say oh it’s probably best for it to be next year as it’s non essential treatment with covid around.
Everyday is like trying to think positive & be hopefull it’s so draining .
Fingers crossed you get to start your ivf treatment soon ! X
Omg yes I HATE that one too ‘don’t think about it and it will happen!’ Again I think people don’t know what to say and try to say something helpful but it just isn’t. How can you not try when you so desperately want it and the more it doesn’t happen the more it stresses you out and obsess over it.
This forum is a godsend to be able to talk to people going through the same emotions and really understand how you feel. Sorry to hear it’s getting swept under the carpet, I’ve got everything crossed for you for round 2 and I hope you feel more supported once it starts. Lots of love x
Hi, i really felt this post when I read it and so sorry you’re struggling right now. I can definitely relate and think it’s right to offload and talk about it - I’ve gained so much from talking to people on here and seeking support when I need it. The whole thing is completely exhausting and so consuming. You need to be kind to yourself, it’s so difficult. Fingers crossed you can start your treatment again soon, hopefully that will give you something to focus on - I always find the waiting the most difficult - there’s so much waiting all the time that it can feel like life is passing you by. There will be better days even if it doesn’t feel like it now. Much love to you x
Can totally relate to all of this. Feeling the exact same! I’m sick of living life on a 2WW, the waiting for the best time to “conceive”, then the dreaded 2WW to see if you’ve been lucky and managed to fall. Then when your period shows up, you have a complete meltdown then try make yourself feel better by saying “next month will be my month” then the 2WW begins again until it’s ovulation time again. When will we ever get off this merry-go-round!
It’s just the worst isn’t it! Totally resonate with the ‘next month will be my month’ it’s the only thing that gives me hope and keeps me going! Hope we all get our ‘and they lived happily ever after’ ending very soon xxx
Totally relate to this...it’s all just so consuming and frustrating. I can’t get through a day (or night) without thinking about it a lot more than once. Well done for getting it off your chest and no doubt helping others, I hope you feel a little better. This group helps so much!
Thank you yes this group is fab and I should use it more. I feel so much better from everyone’s kind words and just for writing down how I felt. Thanks for replying xx
Completely feel the same as you and I know peoples intentions are good, but unless someone is going through it, it’s very rare for people to understand it.
The ‘relax and it will happen’ comment is the worst one. Every round is hard, but like others have said be kind to yourself. We can only do what we can do and keep being the strong women I know we are x
100% this. I'll add that I'm also sad about the way fertility was talked about when I was young. It was definitely the message that as soon as you have unprotected sex, you'll fall pregnant and it will be the worst thing ever. They never went into the flip side. Even my lovely mum - she's very understanding, but she essentially said.. well you are a bit older, and it did take me 7 years between you and your brother. I didn't say anything at the time but in my head I was like 'oh, I could have done with this information a few years ago.' I thought it was all just a choice. We didn't discuss it enough, I just didn't have it on my radar as a potential issue. I think society is changing in that way, but I wish I had looked into it more at the time. But at the time it felt like study, then career and finding a partner and getting a house were the priorities.
Oh my goodnness Rosehip2020 you are so right!! We are set up from am early age to just imagine this is what naturally happens, whenever we are ready for it, then when it doesn't we blame ourselves but if there was some expectation setting and understanding it would make it all a little easier! Alwaysbelieving totally get where you are coming from, hope sharing has made you feel a little better 😘 xx
Sick of all of that too. Same here, I know it’s not helpful, but even though we feel alone, we’re together in experiencing this and have a great community to go to, even just to say that we’re sick!
I understand everything you said. It’s consuming my life and I feel I can’t care about anything else. I just wish I knew how it ends. Completely wishing my life away. Sending lots of love and I hope your treatment starts again soon xx
Totally agree with every word you said! I'm sick of trying to be fine, I'm sick of having to hang out with my friends kids (because if you like children you are supposed to wanna see theirs all the time?!!) when really I just wanna talk to them and tell them how devastated I am. I'm sick of people pretending to understand how I feel and comparing my 4 years of fertility problems with their 10 months "struggle" to get pregnant or their friend who relaxed and it happened. I'm sick of suppressing the anger when a friend gets pregnant straight away at 40 and I'm sick of trying to be happy for them because is the right thing to do. I'm tired of putting my life on hold for something that might never happen...
We are strong but we have the right to break down too... #infertilitysucks
It really does. Someone at work is pregnant and when we were chatting said “our wedding has been delayed until next year so we just thought we’d have a baby between now and then” of course I don’t begrudge her and I’m really happy for her but it was a real punch in the stomach hearing it. How is it so easy for some people and so difficult for others 😔 I hope our time comes very soon x
It is very unfair 😢I spoke to a counsellor my clinic provides and she said that it is ok be angry and upset, this isn't about our friends, of course we are happy for them, but we are also hurting and it's alright to rake some distance from them to process it and get ourselves together. If they are true friends they'll understand.
You have put words to feelings I have been having too - not sure I could have done that so well, but you have hit the nail on the head!
You are not alone! It is pretty tiring dreaming and waiting for something, I almost also feel I am putting things on hold .. just in case! I know I can’t at the moment, but I would really like to be able to plan travelling again!
I have made a list of the things in my life I am grateful for, and a list of small daily things that makes me happy - and make sure I treat myself to some me time once a week! We have been waiting a while too to be able to start ivf, but I tried to change my mindset, it will happen, but we just had to wait. So I decided to use the time while we were waiting to do absolutely everything I can to make my body ready and as healthy as it can be, must help surely! So upped my vegetable intake, and I have been trying to get as much healthy food as I can, and also keep active. Not sure if it will help, and maybe you were not looking for advice with your post, but I just felt like sharing what seems to have helped change my mindset a little and make it that little bit easier.
I hope you can start your treatment soon!! 🤞
And a big virtual hug!! 🥰 I really do hope it will happen for you soon!
Thanks so much I’m always looking for advice. I know what you mean about life on hold. I hope your little future travelling buddy/buddies come along soon.
All the replies have made me feel so much better today - I should really use this forum a lot more than I do xx
Totally agree, feeling all of those things at the moment. I’d also add the keep trying, try not to stress and you’re not too old, it will happen. It’s all from a good place and I wish I believed the advice but experience shoots it down for me 😢 felt teary reading your post as it’s exactly how I feel. Sick of hoping and wanting... and sick of the guilt and emptiness when the 2ww doesn’t work ☹️ it’s a hard road xxx
Hi, I exactly feel the same. How difficult is to not talk about and act as of everything is fine. Only to keep yourself awake in the night , staring at the walls. I have failed two ivf cycles. I lost hope in me. How much more I shld try, after all these treatments are not cheap. I’m doubting if I wil ever be a mom. Most of us feel that way, you are not alone
I feel exactly this. Really thank you for articulating perfectly what I imagine many of us feel. I would add to it I am sick of people not even considering or expected that I would want kids because I am gay and in a same sex marriage. somehow because I am viewed as “less than” other women I shouldn’t expect the things that “normal” women get. People look confused when I talk about wanting to have a family!!! Sending love and strength. Xxx
Thank you! Can’t believe in this day and age people can still be so narrow minded! Sorry you have to deal with that on top of what is already a struggle! Sending love and strength to you and your partner too xx
I totally feel your pain as I go through the same. It's ok to share with this group as nobody else would understand the real pain n helplessness behind each word. I wish n pray a miracle for you.
I'm really sorry for the pain you are going through. I remember it well and I really hope things start up soon for you. IVF is so tough but the gaps between are even worse. You are doing everything you can and doing so well to hold it together. I'm sure everyone here can relate to just how difficult that is and this post will help others too who are feeling the same way. Treat yourself with lots of kindness right now xxxx
I've had a little break off here for a little while but your post popped up on my emails and really struck a chord with me so i felt i must reply. After 7 years TTC i can pretty much relate to every statement you have made! Have felt all of these at one time or another. Its really tough at times. The waiting is a killer (and theres always a wait in this journey for one thing or another). Do you have anyone to talk to? We kept it to ourselves for the first few years and when it became too much ( when we were starting ivf) we told some close friends and my parents. It really helped.
Its hard when people say things, most of the time they are only trying to help. My best friend will just ask 'How are you? How you getting on? Any appointments coming up?' Which is really helpful and gives me the chance to chat if i want to. My mum said to me a few times 'oh theres no reason it still wont happen naturally' and she meant well but i ended up saying well after 7 years theres not really much chance is there. She didnt even realise it had been that long and she hasnt really said it since.
Sweet girl. How many times I have been there ... with your thoughts and emotions... it’s so raw. It’s so hard. I feel you, I know, you are not alone ♥️
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