I am such a bad person? : . The forever... - Fertility Network UK

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I am such a bad person?

Frussy profile image
10 Replies

. The forever story of my life go through life with a big smile on my face , congratulating all my friends, family for their new baby’s and happiness when battling my depression. Yesterday had another melt down and busted in tears after my husband told me that I am such a selfish person because I I didn’t wanted to go to see his sister baby and because I can’t have babies this is not mean I need to ruin his sister happiness with my ignorance 🥺😭. This back and forth with hospital and clinic topped up with long time waiting and a journey of almost 3 years of ivf with so many questions of why and if is never ending in my head and now I can not go out from my shell making me such a miserable person. When started ivf the clinic didn’t bothered to check my tubes and I didn’t knew what is the protocol, had 3 transfers so far ( after the second one I was keep saying if I have hidrosalpinx and told is not because if was to be they will see on the scan ) . After the third failed transfer they finally decided that something may be wrong where refers me to the hospital. COVID came and my laparoscopy was cancelled. Finally had last month my laparoscopy , histeroscopy and boom both of my tubes have hidrosalpinx where they didn’t cut or clip my tubes because is not their decision. Now clinic send me back to the hospital to clip my tubes ( another long waiting list ) and on the top of this mess that is going inside my head may husband ask me why I can not be happy for his sister, why? Sorry for such a long moan , need to get out of my chest and here is the only place where I can say my feelings before I go back on the story of my life 😢

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Frussy profile image
Frussy
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10 Replies
Ranchu90 profile image
Ranchu90

Please don't feel alone! I am exactly the same as you. I don't want to see babies and pregnant women around me. One of our good friends gave birth in September and I didn't go to see their baby yet. I told them because of the Covid situation I don't want to put anyone at risk. Also while I am going now through a biochemical pregnancy another friend of mine send me a message saying that she is pregnant with her second child 🙄 Great, for her not for me! So please don't think that you are a bad person or if you are 😂 than is definitely 2 of us 😁😉🤗♥️

Infragilis profile image
Infragilis

Don't feel bad about this. I cringe everytime someone starts talking about babies. It's just too sensitive. I am genuinely happy for friends and family cause at least I see other people getting to be happy. However it does not mean that I can handle the discussions, photos and seeing them live. Do what you feel you can handle at that point in time. This situation has taught me to put my feelings first as you need to take care of yourself.

Frussy profile image
Frussy

Thank you for your lovely messages , I know is not no one fault for what is happening to me . She is just happy for her precious little girl and I should go to see her but GOD is feel so hard right now .

So sorry lovely. This is so familiar as two of my in laws gave birth recently. Im not actively seeking the babies but if i do see them i cuddle with them. Its a bit of a puppy therapy for me. I dont mind the babies at all. It was more the pregnancy and the remarks of the moms that i just cant be asked with. I really hope things go quickly and this stupid covid stops soon so we all can move on 🤞❤️

Maisie234 profile image
Maisie234

I'm with you Frussy. I had a meltdown yesterday as a friend sent me a picture of a scan from another friend. I cried and took it out on my husband as we are getting no where. Now I need to have a hysteroscopy and I don't know when that will be now with Covid. It's so hard seeing family who have babies. So far I have gone along to only the in laws side. I get so anxious and cry afterwards. If you have to go, I suggest making it short and take the rest of the day to yourself somewhere. I feel exactly the same. xx

butterfliez profile image
butterfliez

Don’t feel bad about feeling the way you feel , like many of us on here it’s a common thought , your going through the ivf / fertility issues which is such a stressful emotional rollercoaster in its self without the upset of having our family / friends getting pregnant naturally & babies everywhere when all you want is this too.

I feel exactly the same , have had to deal with the happy news of so many others throughout , ( ofcourse I’m happy for them ) but it’s so much to cope with , I cried when my friends have sent scan photos , it’s a strange feeling of sadness /anger/ jealousy.

I’ve always said unless your going through ivf you’ll never quite understand all the heartache.

Hopefully you won’t wait too long for the next step X

Zebedee1971 profile image
Zebedee1971

Your husband needs a kick up the backside. He can't expect you to sit there and smile like you're happy for her when you're hurting inside. If he wants to go, he can go on his own-- tell her you're not feeling well, it's really not that big of a deal. Sorry to lay into your fella but he's not the one who has to go through the physical side - the emotional is bad enough but ivf is tough physically too. You shouldn't be made to feel bad for not being overjoyed at someone else's happiness-- you don't owe anyone anything and you can't pretend to feel something you don't. His sister would understand if you spoke to her I'm sure, people don't realise unless you open up. Your husband should know better. Don't let him make you go if you don't want to, stand your ground, be strong, don't force yourself to do something that makes your pain worse, please xx

Ladypii profile image
Ladypii in reply to Zebedee1971

Totally agree.

Please do not feel bad at all. Every single woman on this forum feels the same or has felt such feelings. This is a huge generalisation but most men just don’t understand the triggers we go through. They get the pain of infertility but they just do not understand how other women being pregnant around you and babies can cause so much pain. Please show him these responses. That’s what my husband was like and we had male factor issues! He felt so sad about our infertility and was very supportive but did not understand my melt downs every time a friend told me she was pregnant or the baby shower invites or the insensitive comments asking when I’m having children. I think the only equivalent to them must be like never being able to have sex and then maybe they would feel the hurt when all their mates brag about all the sex they had or something 🤷🏻‍♀️ xxx

Frussy profile image
Frussy

Thank you all for so much support , had today a conversation with my husband and about it ( after crying my eyes out all morning) , he apologised for yesterday, he understood that is so hard on me this battle of infertility and been both agreed that is the best for me to just stay at home at the beginning but felt so bad and we finally went together. The little girl is so precious and beautiful .

fay2399 profile image
fay2399

I think your husband should be more understanding.. pain and joy aren’t equal . If his sister will have 1 unit joy to have you happy for her and you have 100 points pain .. then I think your sister in law should sacrifice her 1 unit happiness. I hope things work for you 🤗🤗

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