I hope no one minds me posting here. I feel so alone right now. I have had a very bumpy year with one thing and another. I saw a gynaecologist in May who to be quite frank painted a very bleak picture about things. I have been fighting hard not to let this bother me but in truth I have had a lot of difficulty processing the news. My GP tried to refer me in July to the fertility clinic for some counselling after they rejected my request, despite me being under them before. Referral lost and nothing actioned. Fast forward to now, my GP has tried to refer me to gyneacology to see my previous consultant but I have just been told that the consultants are not seeing anyone i.e. no appointment what so ever with no end date. My situation is a little complex as I have had surgery and other bits and pieces this year but to not even have an end date is really crushing, especially when the doctor I saw in May said it's now or never due to my fertility issues, age etc.
Don't get me wrong, I completely understand the difficulties with covid but there have been so many cock ups along the way, so much so that I received a formal apology from the hospital about mismanagement in my care.
All the stress of this has taken its toll and I am now signed off sick from work. I've just had a big meltdown, exacerbated by my husband's apparent lack of understanding and insensitive comments. 'I don't know why you're bothering to chase the referral.... why are you so upset?' etc etc. I know he means well but all i'm looking for right now is a shoulder to cry on but feeling so alone it hurts 😥
I'm almost at the point of giving up as all this bouncing from service to service is so incredibly stressful and I just don't know who to turn to anymore.
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Hello lovely, I'm so sorry you are feeling so low and having such a rough time of it. Don't have any words of wisdom I'm afraid, but just wanted to send you a virtual hug. Hope you get the supper and clarity you need soon xxxxx
So sorry to hear this sounds as though you have had a right run around with the different departments which makes everything 10x worse! It’s horrible they don’t give a date all? My husband had a similar attitude last year I remember once he said ‘ I zone out now when you talk about ttc’ don’t understand sometimes that it’s all I think about half the time 🤦♀️ I hope you find a way forward soon with the hospital!
Thank you for your reply. All the running around and bouncing from this service to that service has literally finished me. Sometimes I just wish I had a friend who really understood the emotional rollercoaster but i don't know anyone who has undergone fertility treatment. I had a message sent to me on my phone from a very close friend saying she had a dream that I was pregnant and is there something I want to tell her. I was so upset I think I cried for two days 🤦🏼♂️I can hold things together 90% of the time but just occasionally it all comes out ☹️
I can see why you were upset that message would have upset me also! I have one close friend who went through similar she now has a gorgeous 4 month old and feel like can’t really talk to her anymore as don’t want to be a Debbie downer! This forum has helped me talking to people who understand!
Hi Poppy, I think 2020 will go down as a 💩year for many but urs sounds doubly 💩💩!
I work in the NHS (in a tier 3 area) and we are still seeing a lot of patients face to face and everyone else gets either a video consultation or a basic telephone call. Can u not request that?? I appreciate it’s not the same as seeing ur consultant but it might be a start in answering some of ur questions.
I could kick myself for not asking that on the phone today. I think I was just so upset I couldn't think clearly. All I got told was there are zero appointments, nothing to offer at all. So frustrating as my other refrral was lost. Perhaps I should go back to my GP if I don't get anywhere. It's the no end date that has really hit a nerve as I feel i'm fighting a losing battle.
Hi. Phone the consultants secretary and ask for a follow up phone call. As long as they haven’t discharged you they should just book u back in. If they have discharged u ask ur GP to arrange a telephone consultation with the consultant. Alternatively could you try a different hospital?? X
Thank you so much for your advice. Unfortunately they have discharged me but I will speak with my GP to see if she can help xxx
Aw poppy bless your heart. Please consider all of us as your friend who understand. I guarantee you most of us have been and are where you are at the moment. Nature gave the lads some advantage over not having eggs that reduce by every day so im not sure they will ever understand our desperate dream for a baby. I felt fooled around for years with one issue and cant seem to find two doctors that think alike.
the friend dreaming is really so freakin insensitive and we need more awareness around this whole topic. I hve a sister in law that im not a big fan of and she repeatedly ‘dreams’ of me having aboy or a twin or a blond baby or this or that. She can guess im strugling for years and ive heard her say this while i was pumping myself up with meds, had a miscarriage or just couldnt start treatment bcz of covid. Just wanted to punch her so many times. haha!
Wow, you poor thing, what a mess this year and their management has been! Are you going through private treatment or through NHS? Is there any possibility you could self refer to a private clinic, or ask your GP to refer you to one? xx
Thank you for your reply and advice. We're NHS but if we keep getting messed around I may push to be seem privately. It's all so stressful and the fact that there is no end date to aim for makes it so much harder xxx
Hi Poppy, I’m so sorry that you are going through this and you’re not getting as much support as you need but we are here for you. I’ve found this site very supportive and the ladies amazing, being in the same boat helps a lot and lots of advice I wouldn’t have known otherwise.
You could tell your partner that you just want him to listen and be supportive, he doesn’t need to fix or have an answer for the situation!?
Could you go private at all?? It can be expensive but you should get an appointment straight away and not delay any time? I don’t know personal circumstances but if it’s time sensitive, it could be an option and you know you’ve given it a shot? Wishing you lots of luck xx
Thank you for your kind reply. This is forum is so helpful. We've been pushing for NHS as we are entitled to NHS treatment but we may look into private options if we get pushed to it. Most of the time I can hold it together but just hearing that there are no appointments at all indefinitely just sent me over the edge. I think i'm going to book a telephone consultation with my GP to talk everything through. Take care and thank yiu ♥️
I called them again this morning after composing myself and pushed to be seen. They are going to see what they can do. Although it didn't sound hopeful at least it's something.
Urgh this sounds so frustrating, sorry to hear about your troubles. As Purpledoggy mentioned might be worth checking with your CCG to see which private clinics they would fund as your NHS cycle which might speed things up?
Thank you for taking the time to respond. We've been hoping for NHS as we're entitled to this but at a push we'll look into private options if we don't get anywhere. It's just so frustrating sometimes when as the patient i'm doing all the running around which is exhausting and stressful. Thank you for your advice, we'll look into this ♥️
Completely agree it’s frustrating not to get the support and advice. In the end whatever the outcome you should feel proud of everything you’re doing. Push through this and I hope you come across a professional advocate who can help move things along. Might also be worth speaking to the GPs about the level of stress this is all causing and your anxiety around not being able to progress. I had symptoms of endometriosis (plus a few close family members with it) and the whole process to get a laparoscopy took a while to confirm. I thought getting that sorted would also resolve my fertility issues. It’s been some years since the start and it still worked out so try not to worry too much about the time. Wishing you all the best on your journey and strength during the tough times. The whole process does prove the raw strength women innately hold.
Hi Poppy, I’m so sorry to read this post. I know that feeling of loneliness so well. I am sure that your husband just doesn’t know how to help as many men out there. My husband also made insensitive comments but he does not realise the impact they have on me.
1. He congratulated my friend for wearing a ‘baby on board’ badge right at the time of my miscarriage.
2. When I cried after a failed Clomid cycle, he cried too and said ‘I can’t do it anymore’ (bear in mind we are at the very beginning of fertility treatments and he is not doing anything at all’
The thing is they hate to see us so hurt and in despair. Most don’t know how to help. I am sure he means well.
I found so much help from strangers in this forum, much more than from the people in my life. I am sure you will get there, in the meantime if you feel upset and want to talk to someone message me 💕
Thank you so much for your kind words and support. I can hold things together most of the time but on the rare occasion is all comes out. It's lovely to know there is so much support on this forum xxx
Sorry to hear you are going through a tough time. My referral took far too long and I had to chase. And my IVF has just been delayed due to something that could have been avoided... so I feel your frustration! When you're feeling a little better, do chase and please don't give up. I have found having the support of a local natural fertility clinic brilliant as I've been doing accupuncture, hypnotherapy and reflexology to (try to!!) de-stress me with this whole rollercoaster ride. It really helps me as they understand IVF, are really positive and I can have a good rant! Look after yourself and I really hope things start moving soon. Xxx
Thank you for taking the time to respond and i'm so sorry to hear you've had a difficult time too. It's just so frustrating. There have been many errors in my care.... So I have lost any faith I had in trusting that things will run smoothly. I need to call them back today to see if anything could be done to help me but the lady I spoke with didn't sound hopeful in view of covid so if no joy, I think i'll go back to my GP. Take care and many thanks ♥️
Hi I've lightly gone over your post and read a few comments I've not had ivf but I've had terrible treatment on the nhs and through doctors trying to get referrals and what not and I really think you should keep fighting if it's still possible and go back to your g.p I've noticed that with the nhs to get anywhere you have to be a literal pain in the arse and if that's what it takes to have a baby I think you should do it!you don't mention the full background of your story as it sounds like you have come to a dead end somehow have you not been accepted for fertility treatment ?as there are ways to fight it if you think you deserve it like using pals in the hospital X
I have an appointment to talk to my GP about everything and I called the hospital back and really pushed to be seen as my referral was already lost once. They are going to see what they can do so i'm awaiting a call back. I feel like a right pain. The reasons they gave were due to covid... Huge backlog and the consultants are not seeing anyone at the moment i.e. no appointments to offer. I think what got me down the most is the fact that there is no end date. If they could identify an approximate timeframe that would at least give me some hope but nothing at all. Whilst I understand how covid has significantly impacted everything, it's just so frustrating and having such a negative impact on my mental wellbeing. It's hard to know who to turn to. Thank you for your advice and taking the time to respond ♥️
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