Five months ago I got pregnant and I had the happiest two months of my life followed by a miscarriage. The baby/foetus came out of me intact and I saw it when I was on my own in the hospital toilets. At first I just felt numb, in the hospital I was completely calm and didn’t even say anything to anyone until I was back in my hospital bed when I mentioned it to a nurse.
I’m now three months on from the scan that confirmed my pregnancy had ended and I feel like I’m going insane. Rather than feeling better I feel worse all the time, cannot stop crying (luckily am working from home so there’s no one around to see), I can’t concentrate on anything, I feel like I’ve forgotten how to do my job. I just sit here every day and I can’t stop remembering all the blood and tubes that came out of me.
I hope this post doesn’t make anyone feel worse but don’t really know who to talk to other than my therapist. I don’t know how to make anyone understand how lost and confused I feel, it’s like I can’t remember how to live anymore.
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Pinkyandthebrain
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You're grieving. When you're grieving nothing makes sense and you can't concentrate on anything, most of your energy is going on processing your feelings and it needs to for a good long while. Really glad you are seeing a therapist. You will get past this but unfortunately the way out is right through the middle and you have to deal with a lot of hurt. You won't always feel this way. Sending lots of love xx
So sorry you’re going through this. I’m glad you’ve reached out as you definitely need some support.
I’m going through fertility treatment at the moment but I’m also a doctor. It sounds like you have PTSD from your experience in hospital especially with the flashbacks to the blood and tubes. PTSD after miscarriage is a lot commoner than people think.
Your symptoms very much sound like the PTSD is driving significant depression.
It’s brilliant you’re talking to a therapist. Do you think you would be happy to see your GP?! Would you consider medication? It might help stabilise your mood and prevent it spiralling down further.
Everything you are feeling is NORMAL. You’ve been through a horrendous experience and a devastating bereavement. You need to be looked after and getting the help of a GP you trust, your therapist, friends, family & support groups is vital.
You’re not alone.
Maybe contact one of the following charities for support. You can ring them & talk to someone.
You’re going to be ok. You can get through this. Sending lots of hugs & strength xx
Thank you, this is so kind and helpful. I do take antidepressants and my GP has gently encouraged me to increase the dose (I had initially decreased it due to being pregnant), I will speak to them about the flashbacks and see if they can advise anything else.
Really can’t thank you enough for this thoughtful post and wishing you all the best on your journey x
Definitely feeling a little better and clearer headed today, thank you xxx
Im so sorry to read this. Please dont apologise for sharing your situation. I just wanted to say i feel exact the same way re work. Concentration is zero and i tend to be consumed with this journey all day every day. A while back some one shared a sensitive post around her success and the words really sticked with me. She said ‘dont give up on something you cant go a day without thinking of’. So i think while we grieve we can put one foot before the other and move forward. The rest (like work and social life) hopefully will follow ❤️
I am so sorry for your loss and how you are now feeling. As well as your therapist I hope you have close friends or family to confide in about how you feel for extra support. I don't think a miscarriage is something that people do properly get over. Especially when you go through as much as we do. I definitely took me over a year for the depression to ease enough to start to feel normal again. I found a woman on Instagram called Zoe clark-coates who has actually written a couple of books about baby loss. I found her posts and the messages from the people commenting who were all going through similar things really helped me too. Look after yourself x
I had a miscarriage in 2018 after years TTC. It took me over a year to get over it and grieve. It still shocks me how it effects me today. You have to just let yourself grieve and there should be no timescale xxx
Accepting the reality can take sometime. Each person responds to it differently. I took a long time to start feeling better. Now, although I still remember it, I am thinking let me look forward to better days. I couldn’t think that for a long time! I always thought that no one could understand what I was going through.
You are doing the right thing by reaching out to people here. Allow all your emotions to come out without holding back. That’s how you feel lighter.
You are right. You do feel numb .....and you don’t really want to share it ....but it’s real and hurts so much still after a while 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
I’m glad you said therapist as I will defo get help like this if I feel down in a few months. Being at home from work is good and bad probably , I went back to work on Monday and people at least had sense to say ‘it’s lovely to see you.’ It was oddly nice to feel their kindness and no one has asked anything hard. I wish covid wasn’t here because maybe if you could see people and tune into their energy it might give you a wee lift.
I wish I could come and wrap in a blanket and drink tea and watch friends and cry at stupid stuff.
Things I’ve found to try and help myself and to look after my heart:
I found a nice girl on insta who makes jewellery and has a necklace of a forget me know flower. Some money goes to the pregnancy and infant loss charity. I got an H on the back for the name I dreamed for our wee lost one. It’s was called eves little treasures. I will wear it when I feel stronger.
I also bought a candle from kindred candles and got it personalised . It
Has September , our initials and the message I put ‘Every second treasured. Bright hope for tomorrow’ . We only burn it when we have special fancy dinner etc. I will light it on Thursday night for infancy loss day too.
I also bought a bracelet from a beautiful insta place called ‘seek and find’. It says on a v v tiny thing ‘joyful always’ to remind me of the joy I felt and to hope for it again. She has other nice things with words like ‘peace, calm’ etc I felt I needed a wee uplifting piece that only I would know what it was for. My counsellor told me to wear a wee piece of jewellery or something to mark it and remember in my own way.
If you’re having flash backs it’s symptoms of the trauma and normal part of the process . Can you discuss any of this with your doctor? If you took some time off work and had space to process, mark, recover and do things you love to revive your spirit..... could this help ?
my heart breaks for you sweet pet.
Please keep reaching out if you need to.
Please message if you feel you need a wee chat 😘💐
You are not alone.
We stand beside.
These horrible feelings are temporary.
Praying peace and comfort over you 😘💐🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻💐💐💐💐💐💐💐💐💐💐
I’m very sorry for your loss and for your pain. That’s exactly how I felt after my miscarriage. Like you I had happiest time of my life when I was pregnant. You are grieving the loss of your baby, it is normal to feel worse in the months following the trauma and heartbreak of a loss. I promise you that soon you will start to feel better and eventually you will stop crying, and you will have only happy memories of your pregnancy. If you want to talk you can message me 💕
So sorry for your loss. I have gone thru same instances in my life . Had miscarriages twice both times pregnancy lasted for two months , happiest days of my life , dreaming of my baby. When it ended I felt the whole world crumbled , some times I was in denial , hoping for a miracle. The first thing I started hating is my job. I could not concentrate, felt irritated. The second miscarriage when it happened, I left the job as I could not handle it anymore. Withdrawal from family and friends . Long story short, things din get better. I’m taking counseling sessions, it helps not completely. The only thing I know will actually help is a baby. Apart from this try to talk to someone about ur loss, if you don’t want to talk to ur closest ones . I would say pick someone random, I might sound stupid, I once cried to a Uber driver while he was dropping to enroute to my clinic, feels light. I wish I could tell u that a particular thing helped, to be honest I don’t have any . I feel you. Tc
Thats not something to be upset about. This is where your head needs to be.
Not that you were having a baby cos it wasn't right.
You see the positive side of this outcome. Would you have preferred a sick child?
Of course not!
So now you have proved you can get pregnant, now you need to plan what's next.
The past is the past, it happened but today. . . what can you do today that's for the future? Are you going to let this eat into the possible positive future you control spoil what's out there for you to enjoy.
Your loss is huge and is normal you feel this way... not sure what to do to forget that but just be strong... this is like a wound that takes time to heal 😘
Awwwww hun. Your most certainly greiving and like JenRoy said Ptsd definitely comes to mind, I'm no Dr but do suffer with that!!
You have to reach out for help and try to process this heartbreaking ordeal with time care and most importantly loving yourself, you have to remember its not your fault. There's plenty of help out there like @jenroy has linked and you will get through this, you will get pregnant again and you will have your baby!! Can't tell you when but it will happen when the times right my love!! For now you just take little steps forward do whatever makes you feel better. I got a tattoo of my first loss it traumatizede for ages it helped!! Something anything that you can remember them by in a positive way. You'll get there my love i promise! Be kind to yourself!! 😘 💖
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