My boss told me last week that she is 12 weeks pregnant & I already can’t cope!!!
I know I’m being selfish but I can’t help it! I really don’t know how I’m going to cope with seeing her growing bump, the inevitable conversations with others about it, the how lovely for them’s & the does it make you broody’s?!!!
The morning after I actually felt like I was on the brink of a breakdown, all I wanted to do was cry but I had to put on a brave face for Work. I got myself so stressed out I was having heart palpitations, I’ve even made a doctors appointment to ask if they can refer me for some counselling as I can’t carry on like this!!
Any ideas lovely people?? I’m desperate!
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I’m so sorry you’re feeling like this. I don’t really have any advice but just wanted to reach out and say I know what you’re going through. And that somehow...you will get through this.
I have been through something similar. When I went back to work after my last miscarriage my manager told me that two women in my team were pregnant. I then had to spend the next few months watching their pregnancies grow and then deal with them bringing their babies in and everyone cooing over them etc. Then last Christmas my colleague who I sit next to text me to tell me she was pregnant (about 5 minutes after she got married!) and it nearly pushed me over the edge! I felt exactly like you described; couldn’t stop crying, palpitations, panic etc. Going back to work after Xmas was the hardest thing ever.
Then over the next few months I had to watch her bump grow (oh and and see her eating nothing but white bread and Cheerios for the whole pregnancy while I had been on my super healthy organic diet for forever!) And nothing happening for me. It felt so incredibly unfair and I felt like such a bad person for feeling so resentful. She then went off and had her baby, and is soon due to return to work. I’m still going through this process and trying to remain hopeful...
Anyway, my point is that somehow I got through it...I coped, and I’m proud of myself for it. Like all of us ladies here. This journey requires incredible strength, that many of us didn’t even know we had. At times it feels like we won’t get through it, that the pain is just too much to bear but we just keep going. One day at a time is the only thing we can do...sometimes you might have to go off and have a cry or remove yourself from baby conversations; whatever it takes to look after yourself.
Sorry I can’t give you anything more concrete to help you, but just wanted to say I’m thinking of you xx
Thank you for your reply. It really is the hardest thing to go through watching someone else have what you so desperately want. I wish none of us were going through this but it does help to know I’m not alone & completely crazy for having these feelings xx
Ohhhh I feel you. These announcements are NEVER easy. Just today a good friend phoned me and mentioned another friend is pregnant, and I felt the familiar stomach drop and punch to the heart. I even rolled my eyes, so thank god it was a phone call! Two months ago my sister in law announced she’s expecting too and had the gall to tell me ‘they’d been trying for such a long time’ (she hadn’t even met her partner when my OH and I started trying 3 years ago and knows full well our history of shitty times with procedures and Ivf - I felt like smacking her and saying ‘pick your sodding audience love’ but managed to restrain myself..).
But you know what - everyone is on their own timeline and their own journey. We are SO far behind most of our friends with starting a family but then I have three beautiful girlfriends who still haven’t met their OHs yet so sometimes you just have to shrug 🤷♀️ and hope that good things come to good people. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying it’s easy! Far from it and I definitely have my low moments when I am horribly ungracious about every single friend who breezes through getting pregnant and popping out babies, but I am trying to overcome that because nobody’s life is perfect - so while they might have that part easy, you can bet your bottom dollar that not everything in their life is rosy. Seriously. Even if they make out it is. So stay strong lovely and rant on here all you like xx
Some people are so insensitive! That’s the worst when people tell you to your face, id much rather if it’s coming be told in a text so you can roll your eyes, cry, scream & shout as much as you need to xx
Well done you for asking for counselling. What a brave move. It’s a tough gig working with pregnant people. Especially when you consider that you spend more time at work than home sometimes!
It’s so hard. I find it hard having so many people in my team who fall pregnant and come to me for support. But somewhere; you’ll find the strength x
Thank you, my boyfriend suggested maybe I should ask for help. I know he’s right & I have got to the point where I don’t know what else to do so fingers crossed it’ll do me some good! I’m going to need it to get through this xx
Thank you for your reply, it has been 3 years this June that we have been trying. The problem is my boyfriend has a son so we cannot get any help on the NHS. At the moment I am not ready to go down the adoption route, my boyfriend already has a son & I desperately want to have a baby that is ours, both of ours. If we were going to pay out for anything it would be IVF using my eggs & his sperm, we just don’t have the money at the moment & it feels like another door slamming in our faces because we don’t have the money.
That’s good I’m glad it helped you! I’ve never had any kind of counselling before, how many sessions did you have? Do I need to ask for a certain kind of counselling? X
I had two sessions with the counsellor at my fertility clinic which was specifically to talk through fertility related decisions we needed to make (had one with hubbie and one without). However, I am able to access counselling sessions with a psychotherapist through work and had a session about every two weeks for about four months. She made me think explicitly about what coping strategies I have and how I can best use them to cope with my infertility situation. She was interested in my general past as well as the direct fertility stuff as I think this helped her to understand what sort of thinker I am and how I view things. I’m not sure if you get any kind of choice through a GP service I’m afraid.
I’m so sorry it’s awful isn’t it, I work on a postnatal ward on maternity. Never dreamed it would lead us to 20 months of ttc and 4 miscarriages, also invasive investigations to have clomid. There were also 8 co workers pregnant I’ve had to watch them grow and go off onto maternity leave which has killed me over and over. As long as u have someone close to talk to you’ll be stronger than u think to get through it. I’m actually at a low point not sure if it’s the clomid but just had enough now, keep dreaming about having a baby and other people having what feels like everything but their miserable and they can’t see what they have. One thing that keeps me goin on some days not every day is that it’s not our turn yet, but one day it’ll be us one way or another. Please make sure u talk to people it helps. Lots of love xxxx
My goodness I don’t know how you manage to work in that field, although I find I can cope more once the baby is here, it’s the bumps I can’t handle?! Is that weird?! I’m only in a very small team of 3 full time & 2 part time so there’s no getting away from it. I just never ever thought I wouldn’t be able to get pregnant, all those years you spend trying not to get pregnant & then when you want to you can’t! I’m not doing very well, I can feel myself avoiding being around her & then I feel guilty as we’ve been close for so many years working together. I want to be happy for them & I am, but I’m really struggling & I know it’s only going to get worse when everyone else finds out & her bump starts showing xxxx
U sound like me. No it’s normal, the girls on my ward are all due now and for the next few months. I try so hard to keep in mind it’ll be us one day over and over. My mums been my rock through it all. It’s ok to have bad days don’t beat urself up so much, people don’t have a clue till it’s them and they’ll never understand. The process is so long and u forget what you’ve been through because u block it out so much. Pregnant people will come and go, just block it the best u can. Move away when they talk about it. I found that helped. My worse fear is that they’ll all start coming back from maternity and I’ll still be in the same place. I also feel I started it all off too. Like they didn’t have a clue about ttc till I started if u know what I mean. Life’s awful I try not to think back or look forward, I find it extremely hard to look forward specially when people ask me what I’d like or if I’m having my baby at the hospital I work, I try say I haven’t thought about it and also feel like it’s not goin to happen so. I’m glad I joined this web site and only joined because a lovely young lady who has twins struggled and she said it helped her. And was so lovely to see her with her babies. Everything goes through ur mind all the time trying to be positive then beating urself up because it’s not worked and u feel silly for even being positive. U can always talk to me no one understands until they’ve been through it. Xx
You're definitley not selfish. I saw a counsellor last year because I almost had a breakdown from seeing husbands very pregnant cousin in Tesco. I have had other issues with her and she is the last person I could have dealt with getting pregnant whilst I struggle.
The one piece of advice I cling to whenever I feel like you do is that there are no "good" feelings or "bad" feeling, just feelings. Don't ever feel that you are a bad person for feeling how you do. The more I research the more I learn that having these feelings are a perfectly normal reaction for those of us who are going through what we are going through.
I wish I could be of more help. The counselling should help but it's not a miracle cure.
I went to the doctors last week & he was an absolute d!ck!!!!!! He yawned through my entire consultation & didn’t even apologise or make a joke of it, just brazenly kept yawning! And was more interested in our relationship & when I said my partner is more relaxed about the situation than me, he asked, is he not really that bothered then?!!!!! FUMING!!!!!! He gave me a phone number to call but said there’ll be a wait!! Now I’m due on on Friday & I can already feel it building up, what’s the betting that’s when the announcement at work will be made!! 😭
Oh for flips sake what is the matter with these people?!!! So angry on your behalf 😡
Go and see another doctor; keep going till you find one you like and trust; you need a supportive network around you.
As for that comment how flipping inappropriate; everyone has different ways of dealing with things; and my hubby is also very calm about the situation we are in; he thinks it’s more helpful for me to see him positive and upbeat; it’s better than us both going down a really dark negative path of course it matters to him what a twat to say that 🤦🏽♀️ Tgis Doctor sounds he has very lacking understanding of the situation and I wouldn’t bother seeing him again; in fact I’d be tempted to put in a complaint but I know you don’t want to make things difficult for yourself at the doctors practice; just boycott this idiot; his issue not yours.
Thank you, I know he was a complete twat!!! I’ve never met him before & to be honest I’ve not been happy with his wife asbour doctor either - unfortunately we moved house half way through our appointments at our fertility clinic & it meant we were too far away for my partner to do his 3rd semen analysis so she told me to cancel the appointment we had at our old clinic & she would refer us to the one closer to us now, 3 months later she tells me she doesn’t mind doing the referral but it’s more than likely we wouldn’t even get an appointment as we’ve already been seen so they’re More likely to give it to a couple who haven’t already been told what the problem is!!!!! 🤬 I would of rather kept the appointment we had & my boyfriend produce it in the back of his van than now be out of the system!!! I went back again 2 months later & she said she would refer us but she was concerned that they’d have to start the tests all over again & that would delay us! Coming from the woman who had done nothing for the past 5 months with our referral!!!!
They have finally done it & my boyfriend is booked for his analysis at the end of next month but as soon as that’s done I’m going to try & move us to a different practice all together as they have just been shocking from the start!!
Oh my god I’m lost for words. Change doctor practice ASAP ; you do not need this stress. It’s so important to feel supported by medics in this difficult process. So sorry you’re going through this. If you have the strength complain once you’re registered under a new doctor practice; at least you’d feel justice had been served and you could save another couple going through it. ❤️❤️❤️ xoxo
I would start by getting some of that anger out by making a formal complaint about the doctor you saw. Disgusting! He clearly needs some extra training and you’d be doing the next TTC lady that has the misfortune of seeing him a favour by raising the issue now. What a d!ck!
Hypnotherapy has worked wonders for me. I’ve had to endure 28 close family and friend pregnancies so far since we started trying to conceive. I have felt an explosion of anger and devastation with each one and my reaction was only getting worse and not better. I got pregnant last summer through IVF but miscarried then had to watch my oldest, best friend progress a perfect pregnancy and have a baby three weeks after what should have been my due date and I miscarried twins at Christmas to boot. That pushed me over the edge so I sought help. Conventional counselling didn’t help but somehow the hypnotherapy has. I feel calmer and more positive and less affected - even when she dares to whinge about the sleepless nights and how hard it all is. Might be worth a shot in the interim Xxx
Thank you for your message, I’m so sorry to hear what you’ve been through!! People who dare to complain about being tired & how hard it is make me soooooo angry!!!! When I’m sure all of us would give anything to be going through that kind of struggle rather than the one we are all facing!!
I’ve never tried any kind of counselling or hypnotherapy but that’s exactly what I need is to help me cope with the situation & not get so worked up! My boyfriend has put the punch bag up for me bless him! 🤣
Thank you, I’ve been waiting for my period to start - just has (early 🤬) & now waiting for my boss to tell everyone so living abit in limbo & in this permanent state of anxiety!
Know I replied to this thread a while back already but just to say: Definitely definitely definitely look into counselling lovely - I’ve been seeing my therapist for over a year and it has helped me immeasurably. It’s not cheap but in my opinion is money very VERY well spent - you honestly can’t put a price on your happiness and wellbeing. I’m so sorry your doctor was so insensitive, what an absolute banana. I would complain, get it off your chest and as someone said, hopefully it won’t happen to anyone else. I had to complain about my clinic for similar reasons and I felt sh1tyy doing it but ultimately knew I was doing it for the greater good. This process is hard enough without the so-called professionals there to help us doing the opposite!! Gaahhhh. Lots of love xxx
Thank you, I am going to give the private clinic we will go to for our consultation a call & see if I can book something in. I definitely need to do something & as that doctor was such a dick it looks like I’m going to have to sort this out for myself, I wish I hadn’t bothered going to see him!
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