Should my partner become my donor?

[LadyM2019]

Hi Ladies,

I'm in a same sex marriage and we have been trying to conceive with a fertility clinic in the North East since 2018. I completed 6 x IUI (all BFN), which gave me access to the NHS funded rounds of IVF. We get three rounds in the North East.

Prior to my first round of IVF (2019) the clinic told me they had a strict policy for embryo freezing so only 30% of patients have embryos left from an IVF cycle that are suitable for freezing. The minimum grade they will freeze is grade 3BB and it must meet this grade by 11am on day 5. I didn't think anything of this at the time..

In my first round (long protocol), I had 5 mature eggs, which all fertilised and made is to blastocyst. I had one 4BA transferred and the other 4 were discarded because they did not meet freezing requirements. BFN, bled heavily from 7dp5dt.

In the second round (long protocol), I had 4 mature eggs and all fertilised. I had one 3BB transferred and 2 x grade 3BB frozen (hurrah!). Sadly, BFN again. Bled heavily from 7dp5dt.

You might see from my other posts I have had a private consultation with a clinic in London who are concerned my result is a consequence of low progesterone (causing the early bleeding) and they are prescribing additional progesterone for my upcoming transfer in October.

It might work it might not - it's 50/50 I guess but I'm wondering if it's sensible to change things up and do a round with my partners eggs in the New Year. We'd transfer the embryos to me if the October embryo transfer fails, or freeze them if I get a bfp ( At the clinic in London).

Am I being hasty or sensible do you think? What would you do?

We are 35 at the end of this year and I feel like I am 'wasting time' with my local nhs clinic.

( I have had a HSG - all clear, thrombophilia screen - all clear, thyroid profile - fine, and karyotype test - fine too)

[Peanutchips]

Hey lovely, just a quick one to say that my NHS FET failed but I went privately for the second, they checked my progesterone on the day of transfer and it was low so I added in lubion injections. I got my first ever BFP from this (sadly miscarried but I feel that's most likely down to the emrbyo) so i'll always opt for extra progesterone for my FETs. Worth trying this first to see if that's the missing link. Also your clinic sounds like they had such strict grading requirements. Mine was 3bb + too but I had blasts frozen later on day 5 (which sounds like your NHS clinic would have disgarded) xx

[LadyM2019 in reply to Peanutchips]

Thanks very much for your reply. Yep, maybe I just need to have a bit more faith and see what happens with the adjustments we've made for the FET. I find it hard not get ahead of myself when I feel nervous - I start planning for the next attempt/lining up a plan B when I feel wobbly!

Yeah having looked at other peoples' experiences it seems like this clinic in particular has a difficult criteria to meet for embryo freezing. I had no idea when I was starting my first round. Many clinics will freeze day 6 embryos now..xx

[jengi]

I agree with Peanutchips, it’s worth a chance with more progesterone. Are you private or under NHS? May I ask your AMH and whether your partner is higher AMH. I guess its about assessing all the information & making a decision on what’s going to give you the best chance. It also comes down to your budget and emotional stability, how much more can you cope with? Could both you and your partner go through stims at same time? And transfer the best? I’m currently 12 weeks pregnant with the help of donor eggs! So I know the emotional turmoil of giving up on your own eggs but it’s about giving you the best chance of a positive result! Best of luck! XX

[LadyM2019 in reply to jengi]

Thanks very much for replying. I'm an NHS patient on my second round of IVF and the frozen embryo transfers are included as part of NHS funding. My AMH was tested 2.5 years ago and it was 15.5 pmol/l. It hasn't been tested since then and we haven't had my partner's AMH tested yet.

From reading your reply and Peanutchips reply, I think the most sensible thing to is wait until I have had the transfer in October and we've got an outcome. Following that, I can go ahead and book a full assessment for us in London.

Exactly, I definitely feel a sense of loss at the thought of using my partners eggs but I know logically, it could make more sense.

[Anipea]

I've just had a medicated FET with a day 6 3bb grade embryo and I'm currently 5 weeks. How many eggs did they collect as it could be egg quality and sperm quality as factors here to why you are not getting many embryos. You can make diet changes to help this. I am 35 too xx

[LadyM2019 in reply to Anipea]

Hi Anipea! Thank you for responding. That's brilliant! For my first round, I downregulated on the long protocol for 21 days then added 225iu Meriofert for 10 days. They collected 8 eggs, 5 were mature and I got 5 blastocysts. My lining was 10.1mm and triple layered.

On the second cycle I downregulated for 26 days. I had a cyst on my left ovary (2.3mm) but the Dr said I could start Meriofert. I took 300iu Meriofert for 10 days. The cyst on my left ovary ruptured but I only grew 1 follicle on this ovary. On my right ovary had 7 follicles. At egg collection, 3 eggs were overmature and had disintegrated and 4 eggs were mature. 4 fertilised and I had 3 day 5 blastocysts (all 3bb). One transferred and two frozen. My lining was 9.6mm and triple layered. I used a young sperm donor (21 years old).

I've heard of that book maybe it would be helpful to get it now. I'm sure it's on Amazon. I've read it starts with the egg.

[Anipea]

Also did they say how your lining was looking? I followed zeta West IVF diet book for both rounds of IVF xx

[IvfStruggler]

Hi! Post like these make me feel very frustrated that you cannot name clinics on this forum. Surely people need to be warned about a clinic with such restrictive- and not scientifically backed up- freezing guidelines. There is plenty of research that suggests that both day 6 and lower graded embryos go on to produce perfectly healthy pregnancies. How much possibility is simply thrown away because of the subjective opinion of an embryologist? I find that shocking.

I think it's really difficult to offer advice but I don't think you should give up on your own eggs if you're not ready. Every round can be so different and at 35 a lot of your eggs will still be genetically good and that is more important than how they are rated by an embryologist. My third round was in terms of embryo numbers most successful (although no BFP) and I was 37.

You obviously made the decision not to use your partners eggs in the first place and I don't want to assume your reasons. But in terms of the process, using donor eggs is common and although more expensive, it has very good success rates. I'm using donor sperm as my partner has zero and at first I was so sad that my child wouldn't be genetically connected to the person I fell in love with (couldn't care less about my own DNA). Now I'm absolutely not bothered about any of that and just want a healthy pregnancy.

I really hope you current cycle is successful though! Fingers crossed! Take care xxx