Does anyone know what the situation with having IVF if on partner already has a child?

My partner and I have been trying for a baby for a while and got referred to a specialist middle of last year. I had the blood test and my partner did his sample before our appointment with the specialist. She put me on Metformin and I was expecting to have to have more bloods before our second appointment but I didn't, is this normal? Our second appointment was arranged for three months after which we had a few days ago but after the appointment I felt like it was a waste of our time and the NHS' money as she basically told me I was to fat and that we would only be offered the 2 month tablet treatment anf not the IVF as my partner already has children. Does anyone know what the 2 month tablet treatment is or/and if it is correct about the IVF as I can not find anything about this???

16 Replies

  • Hiya, I get your fustration, after being refured to our local fertility unit we finally went along to our appointment. My partner has a child from a previous relationship, but we were told we still would get help on the NHS as she doesn't live with us. However our joy was short lived as they told me I was to overweight to qualify for NHS treatment. They gave me 2 months to loose 2 and a half stone!!!! Our appointment is on the 6th of feb.. Personally I think that weightloss goal was unrealistic cos I'm never gonna have lost that much... Might sound a bit defeatist but I'm training daily for over 3 hours a day!! I'm exhausted, but I gotta try.

    I've not heard about the 2 month treatment. My original bloods were done by the doctor, the second lot which I had done was don't at my first appointment at our fertility unit. However I've come to find out lots of hospitals and GPs do thing differently. Some seem to do lots of blood work before you even get to the hospital.every hospital and every area seems to be different about ivf critiria. You can look up your area here, although there was nothing on my hospital.

    It's such a difficult time as it is , and the not knowing, or people being unhelpful makes it all that much harder to deal with....

    Is the sole reason you don't qualify because your partner already has children?

  • I had so much trouble with my blood test as the phlebotomist screwed up my bloods. The bloods I had to have on the 2nd day of my cycle was a palaver as the phlebotomist didn't know how to use the computer system so printed out all the bloods including the test that weren't needed til the 22nd day of my cycle. Then the 22nd day of my cycle came round and this phlebotomist wouldn't accept the label that had been printed and printed out the blood test that was on my notes which were my thyroid function test but by the time I got hold of the consultants secretary it was to late for the blood test to be taken. We went to our first appointment which was an hour late... Went into the room and she said that all the results had come back fine so I had to point out that my test results ain't been completed so re-requested the second lot of bloods and put me on Metaformin until the next appointment booked for three month from that appointment which we had a few days ago. When we went in to the appointment she checked she had the results from the test then basically said that until I get my BMI down to 35 there isn't anything she can do but once my BMI is at 35 she can pit me on the two month tablets treatment but didn't actually expand on it then said that due to my partner already having two children from a previous relationship we would not be eligible for IVF.

  • My husband has 2 children too and the doctor basically told my that we have unexplained infertility and that the NHS wont fund you. He was so hard sounded, I turned round and said, so basically I am never going to be a mum, and he said yes unless you pay. I cannot believe doctors can be so cold.

    I wasnt offered any other drugs to see if this helps so I havent a clue about the 2 months drugs?

  • The only reason I was given Metformin and even offered the 2 month drug treatment is because I have PolyCyctic Overy Syndrome but I am assuming they have tested you for that! I was talking to a few few of my family and friends and no one can beleive that because my partner has two children that I wouldn’t be offered IVF even though they know it is me with the fertility problem.

  • It's horrendous that we should be treated in this way no answers just a that's it .I'm investigating and petitioning but ivf is so expensive .I've had two sets of investigations so far if I fully understood the desperation of my situation 4 years ago I would have been more switched on .infirtility UK have been very usefull as im ovulating and my partner has a son I live in hope .

    My Dr said that temps observing my cervix etc was of no use but I can not help but hope this works whilst we save .

  • Hi tanya.

    Im currently having my first go of ivf. We too have to pay as hubby has 2 children from previous relationships. We have paid just under 5grand for the long protocol. Unexplained infertility too.

    Before starting ivf I had 4 months of clomid tablet treatment which was on the nhs so only had to pay prescription rate. Maybe thats what they offered you? It basically makes you produce more eggs. I responded well to them but obviously it didnt work.

    Im now just about to start my stim injections.

    Its sooo hard when youre self funding getting hold of that cash. We will sell my car for second attempt but after that its game over.

    Hope all goes well x x x

  • Thank you SanmboxXx

    I hope the IVF works for you and I will say a prayer for you.

    Mine isn't unexplained infertility I have PCOS but that don't seem to make a difference.

    Good luck

  • Hi my partner has a child from previous relationship and is now 17. I have just been told of my "unexplained infertility" and do not qualify for ivf because of partners son. Her words were "you have been trying for a few years now so I don't think it will happen. I think you should change your goals in life and take another route". I have had all the blood tests partner been checked an hsg and laparoscopy but only a "tiny fibroid found which should not make a difference". Her parting words were if you ever do get pregnant let us know!!

  • That is appalling. She should be pulled up for that attitude. At least you can understand your specialist, let's just say my specialist isn't from this country... Not that I have a problem with her not coming from this country but I do have a problem with her not speaking very good English.

  • Yes, me & my husband are not classes as a childless couple as he has a child to previousl marriage. Iv seen said child max 5 times and met her mum once..... I'm refused help to be a mother a natural thing for all women because of a girl iv met once. I think it's appalling.

  • I have written to the head of the fertility department at my local hospital to fight for my right to be a mother which as you have said is a natural thing. If I don't get the answer I get from the hospital I will take it higher and higher until if I need to I will get a petition started and take it to parliament and the papers. I will not give up easily.

  • That's brilliant! I think it's so wrong that they base it on this, if 1 part of a couple male or female has not had the opportunity to be a prent then they should be helped with intervention!! Unfortunately for us even if that was not the case there is no funding in our area!! X

  • I am sorry to hear that but you could put up a fight as well.

  • I agree fully nothing can ever replace the need to carry and raise your own child .that promise of what you can teach them .someone with the natural likes and dislikes you both is so instantly dismissed by the nhs almost as a whim not a human need

  • Normally clomid which helps ovulation. try looking up infirtility UK via Google they are a wealth of information .good luck

  • Thanks

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