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Fertility Network UK
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We finally have an IVF referral on the NHS :-)

Hi all hope your all well and are having a nice day.

My husband and I finally have the go ahead for IVF on the NHS.. (YIPEE) after we have been trying to conceive for over 3 years now with having two miscarriages and a laproscopy for Endometriosis . I have just had three cycle's of clomid although it did its job we never had any luck with baby making :-(.

We are both feeling positive about IVF but my only concern at the moment is whether or not to tell our parents what our plans are. They are aware that IVF is in our minds . The trouble is my husbands Mum is great to talk too about things, she just seems to know the right thing to say in any situation if that makes sense but then my Mum is a real worrier and I always feel uneasy being around her when thing don't go to plan. Understandable she was very upset when I miscarried but I feel I have to put on a brave face when I'm around her and be the strong one although its us actually going through it all. I know every one is different and copes different but you would almost think that she is the one going through it and not me if that makes sense, bless her heart she just doesn't have great coping mechanisms

. Don't get me wrong I couldn't have wished for a nicer Mum and think the world of her.

Apart of me wants to tell my parents because we are excited that we are having IVF but then the other part doesn't want to be worrying about how my mums feeling as we shall need to be focusing on what we are doing with treatment etc. I want to tell my husbands parents though but would feel awful them knowing and not telling mine . Shall we tell both sets of parents or just my husbands or none at all? So sorry for the long post and I hope I dont sound to miserable.Just wondering what would you ladies do in this situation?

Also we have only just started the process with paper work etc and have been told to have various blood tests done, Roughly how long could we be waiting to actually start the treatment? Does any one know ? I understand that areas are different .

I am sooooo excited but also scared at the same time. It has been such a long and hard 3 years.

Wishing you all the best as usual


8 Replies

Hello. Well done to finally have for somewhere. :) I am in the same boat with my mum. She just does not get it. My husbands however are great. especially his mum. So I have told them all what has happened in our treatment. I think it's fital to have someone who knows just what to say when needed. As for your mum just see how things Go and see when you actualy start treatment how you feel. It is important that you are both focused on treatment. Hope this helps a little. ️Xxx


Thanks piglet12 . Thats great help Thankyou :-) I have told a very close friend this morning who has been through alot in her life and also had failed IVF. She is a great listener. I think we may have to be a little selfish in this situation. Im pretty sure my mum would feel upset if she knew we had told my husbands parents and not mine which I can understand and I would probably be the same if I was her but like you say I think we shall wait and see how it all goes when we start treatment. More rollorcoasters ahead I'm sure...

Hope your having a nice day XX


Hi its tricky. . If you all have good relationships I would tell both sets or none. The waits are so variable depends clinics, some months and months others none. I would ring your clinic and ask about current waiting times then you know from the start. Good luck with it all


Aw this is a difficult one but I think you have to do what feels right for you. You simply can't be worrying about other people when it's you whose going through the process. Good luck with whatever you decide. Did the hospital not give you an idea of what their waiting time is for treatment at the moment? x x

1 like

Hello, I'm at the same stage as you. Had consents done a few weeks ago. Just waiting to hear. I've heard (asking on here) that it takes a few months but was going to give the clinic manager a call next week to get an idea.

My parents are also hopeless (have actually made it harder). My husbands parents are great (ironic as they're usually the hopeless ones - lol!). But, we've decided not to tell anyone as we want it to just be about us.

All I would say is, do what's right for you. Not what's right for your parents or anyone else. What you're going through is enormous. None of us want to upset our parents but if you choose to keep it a secret from them (but tell your hubby's) and they get a littler offended well, it's trivial in comparison to what you've been through. Sorry if that sounds harsh, I don't mean it to be!

Good luck with your treatment x x x


Hi me and my partner had this dilemma my mum is very caring towards us and has supported us so much over out ttc journey 5 years now , we have had 5 miscarriages every test done under the sun everything 'normal' and we were reffered for ivf feb 14 really depends on waiting times as we had some delays got reffered for a hysterscopy after one of our basic checks before treatment ultrasound scan shown the lining of my womb to be to thick, which were hard to face as your just focused on it happening we eventually began treatment this march and we are now 6 weeks pregnant on our 1st & only go we are allowed on the NHS in our postcode and we haven't made it to this stage in over 4 years ! We are taking progesterone as directed by ivf department and i have been prescribed herapin injections by my doctor in recurrent miscarriage seems to be doing the trick ! Its a big thing to go thorough and its lots of ups and downs and waiting but so worth it all , tell people who will give you support you need as you will have enough worry from your self you need good reassurance there to back you up good luck and baby dust xxx


As the others have said, it is a difficult decision to make, but it's whatever you both feel happy with.

You could always cover your bases and let them know you are starting the ivf journey, but don't know how you will feel during the whole process and would prefer to leave it as you'll update/speak with them about it as and when you need support or have any major updates for them...x


Thank you all very much for your comments, for the time we have decided are keep it to our self's, who know's we may even have luck conceiving naturally before we start IVF but this month we going to chill out 100% which to be honest has been very nice so far. :-)



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