Has counselling helped anyone?

[Lily4yrttc]

I’ve been having IVF for 2 years. Had 3 FETs. no hint of a positive ever. It feels like every month is a horrific amount of grieving. I’ve not had any counselling and I’m starting to think maybe it will help. Has anyone had counselling? What did/didn’t help about it? How easy was it to get? (I suspect if I ask for it, it will be at my clinic which is a far distance and will just end up adding more stress to this already stressful experience).

[Peanutchips]

Hi Lily, I’m so sorry you’re feeling like this. It does sound like counselling could be useful for you, especially as you haven’t tried it before (nothing to lose!) I had counselling back when I was first diagnosed with PCOS and going through rounds of clomid. The clomid itself made me very emotional and I found it helpful to talk through / process all of my emotions with someone that wasn’t involved in my day to day life. It definitely helped, although there would be some days when I felt much brighter and didn’t want to go along to my appointment and talk about it all, but that’s probably natural with counselling when you have set times to meet. My counsellor wasn’t specifically trained in fertility counselling and it showed unfortunately. If I were you, I’d definitely ensure I saw someone who had experience in this area as it’s a very emotionally complex situation and I think you’d get so much more from it if they had that experience. Lots of love xxx

[Peanutchips in reply to Peanutchips]

Ps your clinic might offer a few sessions free over the phone xx

[LCharlton]

Yes, after my miscarriage in March my husband and I did counselling through my clinic which they offered over the phone, it definitely did help us process what had happened and feel like we were coping better xx

[Hope76]

Hi like yourself I didn’t have counselling in the early stages. However after a miscarriage, 2 BFN’s and a chemical well I decided to give it a go. I think it did help get my positive mindset back and understand how what was happening was not my fault.

If your clinic is too far away I suggest looking at your local hospital as I know mine offer a counselling service on the NHS. I know you may prefer one specialises in IVF but I personally don’t think it matters too much x

[Ivfgotadream]

Personally I have tended to avoid counselling- I can’t think of anything worse than talking to someone about my losses and failed IVF who has never been through the experience themselves? I wouldn’t see how they could really help me? I’ve tried some support groups organised by my hospital however sadly these also ended up in some bizarre competition of grief - who has had it worse?! Even online ones - someone posted about how they felt “jealous” of women who had “only” had 2-3 losses when she had had 5?! Our journeys are so individual it can be very difficult to find people who can truly empathise with it x

[Lily4yrttc in reply to Ivfgotadream]

Gosh that sounds awful! People can be so strange

[hifer]

Yes and it’s been invaluable! Have been doing IVF for a while now and had a handful of sessions with my clinic which were really helpful. I’m sure yours will be doing them on Zoom at the mo rather than face to face which will avoid the travel for you. I’m also doing 6 sessions with Petals now too after my latest miscarriage which have been fantastic. The counsellor is lovely and they are all on zoom so I don’t have to go anywhere. I wasn’t sure about doing zoom counselling to start with but during lockdown it was either that or nothing so I went for it. I’m very pleased I did as it’s really helped me with grief and moving on etc. I would highly recommend it if you’re struggling xx

[Shirazlover2013]

Hi lily, a lot of clinics have Counsellers attached to them and I’ve made use of them. Most are doing sessions on the phone or video link at the moment. I’ve also used a private psychologist. All of the ones I used had personal experience of infertility and if they’re linked to a clinic they will have a detailed understanding of treatments so you don’t have to explain basics to them. Personally I’ve found it very helpful, after a session I feel lighter having got a load of heavy emotional thoughts off my chest. Also useful is writing down your thoughts to get them out of your head and give your mind a rest. I know the monthly grief cycle very well too, I don’t know how to stop hoping each cycle might just be the one.

I’m not sure where you are based but I am UK based so have searched the BICA website (British Infertility Counselling Association) to find counsellors. If you don’t connect with one then move on to another until you find one you think is helpful for you. Good luck whatever you decide xx