IVF Counselling

Hello all, i hope you've had a good weekend, whether basking in your recent good news, waiting patiently for it or coming to terms with not so great news xx

I have a question regarding the counselling.

I know it's mandatory for most, if not all, couples to undergo during the process, but at what point does it start??

Between being pushed from pillar to post with 2 hospitals, having our funding refused and then the decision overturned and confirmed and now having to wait for the laparoscopy that I should have had with the dye test back in October, we haven't even really 'started' the process yet!

It all came to a head this weekend when myself and my partner argued literally ALL WEEKEND :-(

It didn't even start about IVF, it was something else completely that just spiraled into us arguing about everything. It's struck me that this is harder on both of us than we're both actually admitting to one another (more so to save each other the heart ache)

So i guess my question is, can we ask for the counselling to start now? I'm worrying that if we don't start it sooner rather than later, we wont even make it to starting the IVF...

Any advice is greatly appreciated xx

25 Replies

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  • Hi Lili, sorry to hear that this crazy process has placed you both under so much strain...totally understandable.

    I was not offered IVF counselling by my NHS hospital, but then I never actually got accepted for IVF, due to not meeting the age criteria for my region. I did however go for private counselling for a few months and my husband is currently seeing a different psychologist. It is not exactly a cheap exercise, but is a solid investment in yourself and your well-being, which is priceless.

    Definitely ring your NHS clinic and ask to be referred for counselling first and see how you go from there. All the best of luck - I am sure that it will prove very comforting and helpful xx

  • Thank you so much for the response :-) xx

  • Hey LiLi19,

    So sorry you and your partner haven't had the best of weekends. IVF is very difficult and it can definitely take its toll on couples.

    Counselling is something I haven't yet tried although it's something we were offered even before we had started treatment so I definitely think it's something you should look into and I don't think they would have any issue with you having some before treatment.


  • Oh excellent, thank you that's really good to hear that it was prior to you starting, thank you! xx

  • Hi

    I'm just about to start my first cycle and was told you only get two nhs funded counselling sessions and have to pay for any extra anyway. I looked into support groups in my area too and you can find them on the fertility networkuk website in your area. I was in the same boat as you with the arguments before we actually started the actual ivf process, now we finally have a plan things are far better. Happy to discuss in more detail if you private message me x

  • Oh thank you! I'll certainly message, thank you :-) xx

  • Sorry to hear you had not a nice weekend arguing with your partner. I hope one day everything will be ok.

    As for starting your cycle, first of all you should consult your doctor.

    When you had your medical examination?

    Honestly, I'm not a big expert, I've had my first stimulation and first in my life egg collection.

    unfortunately, it didn't work for us. now we are waiting for the next embryo transfer( my surrogate is almost ready for it)

    anyway, big luck to you and fingers crossed for positive news

  • Thank you for replying!

    I've been to and from hospitals for the past 18 months and was told in March I'd need a laparoscopy and could then move on with the IVF, but nothing has happened since and won't start until after I've had the Op.

    I may well speak to my GP however and see what they can advise. I pretty much stalk my consultants secretary looking for cancellations for the Op so I might ask her for advice too :-)


  • definitely you should, probably your consultant know more what is best for you.

    anyway, don't be upset, one day you will succeed. oh nearly forgot to ask, is it your first time ivf? how do you feel about that?

    and sorry for asking too personal issue, how's your husband??

  • Thank you xx

    Yes first time...you? I'm a little apprehensive but excited to get things moving :-)

    Not at all! Happy to answer all questions!

    He's good...he gets stressed easily although he is the more positive one about it! I know it's hard for him too but he's really trying to get me more positive (and that's what I think annoys me some times although that sounds really bad!) xx

  • it was my first time ivf, actually we applied for a surrogacy. due to my health condition I can't carry a baby but I can donate my own eggs to another woman who will carry a baby for me.

    As you probably know, I've got my first bfn and now we are waiting for the next surrogate result.

    fortunately, my clinic was able to freeze some embryos, so this time I won't be under stimulation.

    honestly, it was the worst time ever, I felt bad and lost.

    what about you?

  • Oh bless you what a roller coaster for you!

    I have everything crossed for you for the surrogacy results this time round xx

    I have fluid on both tubes and my partner has low sperm count and issues with abnormality and mobility :-(

    Were waiting for my Op to then hopefully go ahead with ICSI... xx

  • I get it, when is your op should be?

  • Currently booked in for 7 July - providing its not cancelled!

    I'm ringing for cancellations on a weekly basis too to try and bring it forward! xx

  • nice.. you have a time to gather your thoughts together and make yourself feel relax.

  • Absolutely, thank you! xx

  • I don't know how it works for funded cycles but with our clinic they made me have it before we started the drugs. So i think you should be eligible from the word go. It may make you feel a bit more like you aren't being shoved from pillar to post and let down if you can vent to a counsellor too xx

    Good luck!!! Xx

  • Thank you, that's exactly what I'm hoping for...I'll chase this up! xx

  • Hello! I had counselling through my clinic before we started, and all in all throughout the two fresh and one FET I've probably had about 8 or 9 free sessions. I was NHS funded, but went through a private clinic that sees NHS and private patients, and it was never discussed that I would have to pay, and when I needed an appointment I just gave them a buzz or email and booked one in. It's definitely worth it, I see mine privately now, but not just for fertility stuff, but it can be a great support when you feel like you're falling apart or going a bit mad! I would definitely phone your clinic and push the issue, you're definitely legally entitled to one free, so I can't imagine it will make a jot of difference to them when you have it! Xxx

  • Oh fab thank you!

    It would definitely help just to talk at this stage and I guess to feel like we're actually doing something rather than just being in limbo the whole time!


  • Totally, IVF seems to be full of limbo moments! Let us know how you get on xx

  • Thank you! xx

  • Hi

    Counselling is not mandatory to do but Ivf clinics have to offer it. We are entitled to three free sessions per cycle, but this entitlement kicks in once you start treatment. If you're waiting for a lap, you might not be entitled yet.if not, then it might be worth seeing your GP to see if they can refer you.

    Arguments at this stage are normal I think... you're under enormous stress. Look after yourselves any way you can x

  • I mean we are entitled to three at our clinic... I don't know what the general offer is. I think you can pay for more sessions though.

  • Excellent thank you!

    I've contact my IVF clinic (or what will be when we get going!) to ask if that's something they can arrange, if not, I'll contact my GP :-)


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