NHS counselling

[Xmishell37]

Can anyone tell me what IVF counselling is like that is offered by NHS? What does it involve? And did it help? Ive had two failed rounds of IVF so far and have one more chance which I will do probably in October. I'm purposefully putting it off and I'm struggling to pick myself up after my second failed round 😓 I followed 'It starts with the egg' for my second round and had a worse round with only 1 viable embryo which didn't implant, so all of my healthy eating etc has gone out the window and I'm lucky if I'm getting near my expected calorie intake in a day, crying most days and especially when I'm alone or if someone asks me how Im doing its just like an instant trigger to tears 😞 xx

[Hidden]

Hi, I’ve been going to the counselling at my NHS clinic for a couple months now and it’s made such a difference to me, it’s so helpful to speak to someone who really gets what you are going through and also seems to really care. I really recommend using it as much as you can. I too was struggling to deal with all the emotions of it but the it has been such a good outlet for that. I’ve tried counsellors that are not fertility ones and it doesn’t work for me, as they don’t understand the complex emotions of this struggle.

I am just about to start my first round of IVF and I definitely feel more calm knowing I can speak to the counsellor when things get difficult or don’t work out like we hope. So definitely recommend! Xx

[Xmishell37 in reply to Hidden]

Thanks ❤️ good luck with your first round, hopefully you only need one, the emotions brought on by the process are unreal 😞 for a moment I thought it would get easier but I'm finding it more difficult as I approach my last round so feels like Im nearing the end of the road with zero success 😔 xx

[Hidden in reply to Xmishell37]

I’m so sorry for the pain you are going through, makes so much sense that it’s got harder as you have gone through treatment. And I imagine we all have the same biggest fear, of it not working in the end which is so painful to even contemplate. But please keep going, you are not at that point yet, try to find the hope it can work. And do speak to someone to help you deal with these emotions, they can’t take away the pain but will help to process it. Xx

[Xmishell37 in reply to Hidden]

Thanks 💕 I'm even crying at these responses cos people are so kind and I can't even handle people being nice to me! Xx

[raverg]

Oof it sounds like you’ve been through a lot.

I think that it’s a great idea to reach out to the NHS IVF counselling, because they just get it. It’s like regular counselling but all of their patients go through IVF, so the counsellors have seen it and heard it all and know exactly what you’re going through, without having to over-explain yourself. They were of great help to us after our chemical and failed transfer.

It depends from clinic to clinic, but ours had like a 4 week wait for a session and I think that you could only have like 4-5 per cycle or something like that. We always timed our sessions for the week after testing day, or after we received bad test results.

Take care xx

[Xmishell37 in reply to raverg]

Thanks ❤️ do they expect your partner to attend aswell? He copes way better than me (on the surface anyway) and I don't think he's interested but I feel I need to try something different to get out of this cycle of just crying or being on the verge of tears what feels like all day every day 😓 xx

[raverg in reply to Xmishell37]

It’s really up to you how you want to play it, the counsellors are there whether you want to do it alone or with your partner. It might be helpful for your partner to be there to hear you say it out loud to another person how much you’re struggling and provide better support and understanding. But if you can’t get him in with you, I think you’ll find it tremendously helpful on your own as well. Just talking about it, processing it out loud, releasing it will feel so good. And if you can get more regular sessions (either through the clinic, NHS talking therapies or sometimes companies have a third-party mental health line too) that will help even further. Good luck and big hugs. I’m pleased that you are asking for help, it’s too much to carry on your own xx

[Xmishell37 in reply to raverg]

Thanks il have a think about it and speak to my partner about it too 💞 I'm not sure what the waiting list will be like in my area but I'll try find out next week, tbh I'm sceptical about how much it will help me (having never had counselling) but its helpful to hear how its helped others xx

[raverg in reply to Xmishell37]

I get you. I was a bit skeptical at first.

From my experience, I think that talking therapy is useful when you have a topic that you can’t talk about without bursting into tears. The more you talk about it, the more you process your thoughts and feelings about it, you release them from your head instead of letting them run around in there consuming you, but you’ll also get asked questions that will take you out of your usual thinking patterns and spirals, and help you see the situation from new viewpoints.

Every time I’ve done talking therapy for something that was bothering me, for over 10+ sessions, I got better at talking about that topic without bursting into crying. It just didn’t feel as overwhelming after a while and I had a healthier attitude towards it.

Before I got into therapy, I tried this book first and it took me through the principles of CBT and I found it surprisingly helpful, even by just doing the exercises -amazon.co.uk/dp/1119601126/...

So if you’re still unsure, you can try that, but I’d strongly recommend the IVF counsellors first because this is what they do. They help people in your position.

Take care xx

[Xmishell37 in reply to raverg]

Thanks, I think that's what I'm worried about, going into a session and spending a whole hour crying and unable to even say anything, tearing up now at the thought of it! Meh! Xx

[raverg in reply to Xmishell37]

Oh if you cry for a whole hour then the session is well used because clearly you have a lot of feelings that want to get out. But I wouldn’t worry too much about it. These people do this for a living and they know when people need a moment, or to take it one question at a time. In the end, it’s obviously your choice whether you decide to go. But please take care of yourself and if you need to cry, cry, then get up and go do something just for yourself, that makes you laugh or brings you joy. Go away for a week. You deserve it! Take care xx

[Xmishell37 in reply to raverg]

I'm heading to Greece next week with my cousin 💕 just for 5 days but it can't come quick enough as I avoided going abroad for the last year cos of IVF! Xx

[raverg in reply to Xmishell37]

That’s fantastic! Very needed and much deserved. Hope you have a blast! Xx

[Bella000]

Just wanted to say I'm so sorry you're struggling. It's so hard. I've also had two rounds which didn't lead to a baby and I've also been following the it starts with the egg for over the year now. It's devastating when thinking how much effort (and money) has gone into preparing for these cycles. I'm also crying on and off most of the days after the result of the second cycle and the review appointment afterwards where the doctor said our journey hasn't been and won't be straightforward as I'm a bit of a 'mystery' case. I also hate being asked how I'm doing. I just hate it although I know they mean well, and I hate myself for hating it.

If you could access counselling through NHS I'd recommend it, especially if you can get regular appointments rather than just a single one off (my clinic only offers one session per cycle). Counselling is a bit like a lottery so you need to find the right person for you, but you'll never meet one unless you look for one. I do hope you can manage to eat what you can and when you can - I've lost a lot of weight in the past due to stress and I think it's the main cause of my struggle to conceive, so I really hope you'll manage okay.

If you do like to talk to someone whilst waiting for an appointment please do feel free to message me. Sending you hugs x

[Xmishell37 in reply to Bella000]

Thanks ❤️ it's safe to say I completely underestimated the impact this would have on me, tried to convince myself for a while id be fine being child free but it was never the plan and just isn't what I want 😔 the financial implications are stressful, I'm over £200 a month on supplements for myself and partner, I considered doing acupuncture but just cant justify the cost when it's not guaranteed to work, suppose it's like everything else there is no guarantee 💔 xx

[Bella000 in reply to Xmishell37]

So sorry I haven't responded to you sooner. I'm the same - to be honest when I thought I'd struggle to have my own children my first thought was adoption not IVF. But my husband wanted his own so we deicded to go down this route. I then started to feel like I really want my children to have my own genetically and biologically - which is quite strange thinking about it now. I'm just struggling to face the fact that I may need a donor egg even though I'm still in early 30s. I feel the same re finance as well, so much money on supplement. I've decided to give acupuncture a go this time though the next cycle would be our last NHS and I also noticed my prolactin level was high. We're not entirely sure if self-funded IVF/ICSI or even with donor eggs would be feasibel for us so considering the thought of having to spend ££££ I thought maybe I'd use a few hundreds of pounds to give ourselves the very best shot - or I'd regret not doing things that I considered doing if that makes sense.

I hope you've managed to get access to counselling or whatever support you wanted. I just had a session with a counsellor myself where I cried almost the entire time. I don't really know if it helped to be very honest with you, not because of the counsellor but because of my own situations and complex contexts we find ourselves in. But I do hope you feel more supported now and please do message me if you'd like a chat x

[JA-fnuk Partner Nurse Fertility Network UK]

Fertility treatment can be an emotional rollercoaster so getting support is really important . As well as one to one counselling [ as offered at your clinic ] talking to others in similar situation can be helpful - take a look at our website fertilitynetworkuk.org " Access to Support" then click " Fertility Groups " and follow the prompts to find a regional group near you

Take care of yourself

Janet-Partner

[Xmishell37 in reply to JA-fnuk]

Thank you I'll have a look at the website you've suggested ❤️ xx