counselling ??

hi ladies , just thought i would do a quick post to see what your thoughts are on counselling ? have u had it ? did it help? what happens ? i am not really up for the whole idea of it but my family keep telling me that i should have/try a session ? i am not one to discuss in detail my emotions i tend to keep it all in , however i have opened up to my DH and had a few tears ! This is only my 1st failed cycle and all the way through i said i would not need counselling , to be honest i hate the thought of sitting in a room with a stranger and talking! just want your thoughts on if it helped you or done nothing to help you deal with the stress of infertility ! be great to read your replies xxx

12 Replies

  • Hi, I had counselling last month after failed IVF, only had three sessions definitely felt it helped. Had lots of thoughts and emotions all mixed up in my head and it was good to let it out and make sense of it all. All councillors are different, but it's just a space for you to talk freely about how you are feeling and the councillor can support/give advice. Mine also showed me some breathing exercises to help. I would recommend it, if you find its not for you then you don't have to go back. Xx

  • Hello daydreamer89,

    I went for counselling and it was honestly the best thing I did whilst we were ttc so I can't recommend it enough!

    Before I went I really wasn't sure it was for me and couldn't see how it would help but it really made a difference and afterwards I felt calmer, more relaxed and more prepared to cope with our round of IVF.

    Counsellors are completely impartial and will not judge you at all. Instead they help you to understand your feelings and process them. I went for 3/4 months and probably had about 6 sessions. Also, don't worry if you don't know what to say, I cried for most of my first session and the counsellor lead the conversation asking me questions etc.

    She also suggested things that I could do to help relax and as a result I started tai chi which I would have never done on my own but I ended up really enjoying.

    I think the most important thing is that your counsellor is registered and that you have a good rapport with them. If you don't have a good rapport with the first person you see don't be afraid to change counsellor!

    Good luck x

  • Thank you natasha and hopeful, my emotions seem to be all over the place atm, we have been ttc for 8 yrs now and iv coped well enough untill we started ivf ! I feel like im coping ok one minute then panic a bit when im feeling low i dont like the thought that its getting me upset which is 1 thing i swore to myself i would never let it do ! I guess i just under estimated how difficult this process would be... im glad its helped you both through the tough times u have had :) im going to see if im a lil bit better in myself within the next week if not i will def be looking into as this as i do not want to go into our 2nd round still stressed out from this failed cycle ! Thank you for ur replies i really appreciate it xxx

  • I had counselling before starting ivf. I wasn't coping and felt so angry and upset. I also couldn't cope with being near anyone who was pregnant. I found a private counsellor near home who was a specialist in infertility. I would recommend it. It definitely helped me. She listened, let me cry, explained how what I was feeling was normal and helped me with some coping strategies. It made a huge difference to me. I was initially sceptical as I had previously seen a counsellor for stress and found her patronising but glad I tried it at this time.

    I also found writing a diary and writing on here helped.

    Good luck with everything x

  • Thank you dee , i think i am put off but the thought of not knowing what happens in a session ! You have been a great help! I am starting to over think everything and its driving me stir crazy lol i know exactly what u mean by avoiding people who are pregnant ! And i find that all that is on tv is babies / families ..everywhere i look i cant escape it ! How many sessions did u have before u felt better with yourself and able to cope better with infertility if u dont mind me asking ? X

  • Glad to help. I don't mind you asking. I think I had 5 or 6 sessions but started to feel better after 2nd one. I think just saying it out loud to someone who didn't appear to judge me made a big difference. After it, I still had bad days but learned to cope with it better.

    I know what you mean about seeing babies and families everywhere, especially this time of year. Don't be too hard on yourself if you're having a bad day, plenty of people on here understand.

    I wish you well and hope 2016 is better xx

  • Thank you 😚 x

  • Hi there so sorry to hear about your unsuccessful cycle. I had a private counsellor for about 18 months. Way before ivf as I really struggled to pull myself out of a dark hole after being told I souls never have children naturally. It really really helped me! Not only did we deal with the infertility but we looked at lots of other issues in my life (I always felt I was a quite together person) and it really helped! IVF counselling is free - try it what's the worse that can happen??? X

  • Hello, I had my first session a few weeks ago after a miscarriage at 10 weeks after my first cycle of ICSI.

    I was really very nervous beforehand and had no idea what I was going to say (felt like doing a runner in the waiting room!). But the lady was lovely and kind and knew exactly what she was doing and took a lot of pressure off me and saved my husband a lot of what he was dealing with. I came home and talked through everything with him with more clarity too.

    So go for it, be sure it's someone your clinic recommends though as infertility counselling specialists will be best as opposed to someone private I think. Good luck xx

  • Hi! daydreamer89, I too, said to myself before i started my ivf journey that i would not need counselling. However after my failed 2nd ivf transfer, i was having problem coping with the situation. With the advice of Diana on here, i decided to seek professional advice.. I had counseling before my 3rd transfer and after. Luckily i did, because my 3rd transfer failed. i found that counselling helped, we build a good relationship from the beginning and i was able to open up on how i felt. She guided me on some of the things that was troubling me and helped me to look at things from another angle, she showed me that whatever the outcome i would be fine. She also provided leaflets on how to cope with stress. I would say that it definitely helped, am no longer having any session but i know she is there if i needed to talk. Am now trying to get pregnant naturally with the help of clomid. I am still hanging in there with a bit more optimism. wishing you all the best.

  • I also had counseling before and during my ICSI treatment and it did help me regain some feeling of control over the whole process. Many counsellors work via Skype so you can have a session in the comfort of your own home, rather than physically having to sit in a room with someone. Definitely go for a counsellor who specializes in infertility- I can give you the names of two very good counsellors who work via Skype if you want to PM me.

  • Firstly, I'm so sorry for your years of trying and failed first cycle. Both myself and my partner have started counselling after loosing twin one early, and our daughter later on in pregnancy from our first Ivf after trying for over 9yrs with 3 natural miscarriages over the last 16yrs together. The first counsellor was based in our clinic, and she was a nightmare. Could only see us every 5 or so weeks which we didn't know til trying to book further appts, and whilst it as refreshing to someone who did understand the medical details and emotional strain of Ivf, she didn't understand our loss at all and said some very unprofessional things. So didn't go back there! We're both seeing another counsellor and they are great for us both, I would honestly say I wish we'd been advised to see someone years ago. We, live you, honestly didn't even consider counselling because we were "ok". Turns out we weren't quite as ok as we thought. Feels like we're dealing with years of loss and sadness all at once, but grateful we have support now. My other half doesn't open up often at all (although loosing Annabelle has changed him big time on this). As others have said, give it a go! Sometimes it might feel worse before it feels better, don't be scared of that, kinda means it's working and maybe just working on crap you had buried, but I promise it helps hun

    Be kind to yourself

    Hugs xxx

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