I just need a break

[FrancyItaly]

I don’t know why even if I keep busy I can’t take away this constant thought of having a baby. In less than a month it will be our 2nd wedding anniversary, I can’t believe it’s been already 2 years and at the same time if feels like time is going terribly slow. I feel like I haven’t enjoyed these 2 years at all, and that I wasted them in focusing constantly on this one thing. I feel embarrassed that in these 2 years I didn’t manage to bring a baby home. Sometimes I wish we weren’t married, at least people would not expect it from us, I feel judged and hopeless. I am the kind of person who bakes personalised cakes and Frozen cookies for my friend’s birthdays, why can’t I also have a baby of my own to celebrate? When is it going to be my turn?

[Cinderella5]

Oh I completely understand how you feel. We've been married 5 years... I evetually got pissed off and told everyone that asked about kids...."we cant have kids"! Not strictly true but shut them up!! I live in a village and since I was a late teen (almost 43) the questions were "have you not got a boyfriend" then "when are you getting married"......the list is endless!!! People judge and are nosey about every stage, boyfriend, engagement, wedding, kids.....its endless. Please dont feel bad or embarrassed, we have nothing to be ashamed of.....we are the strongest fighters out there!!xxx

[FrancyItaly in reply to Cinderella5]

Thank you for your message Cinderella. Actually none asked us until now, they know we had a miscarriage recently so they have the common sense to avoid asking. For some reason I feel judged anyway, I think the problem is just me. You are right, we are the strongest fighters out there! We know pain and one day our reward will be absolutely amazing! I hope you are doing well xxx

[Hidden]

Aww poor thing. Ppl are always so insensitive really. I mean 2 years isnt that long but because of the pressure feels an eternity. We are married 4 so ppl now pretty much figured out that it must be me that has a problem lol. Its always the woman isnt it.

There is nothing wrong with thinking of your baby and picturing her and window shopping clothes for her. Its just your nature that u want to be a mum. But i also believe that the stronger the relationship the bearable ttc becomes. So dont forget to focus on your relationship. Do nice stuff together. Xx

[FrancyItaly in reply to Hidden]

Thank you for your message. I really really want to be stronger and enjoy ourselves but my mind wonders and wonders. I also rather spend money for the clinic than going out, but I know it’s wrong! I know for the sake of our relationship I need to make an effort. I wish you all the best xxx

[UnicornKisses]

Hi there,

It’s an awful feeling. My husband and I tried for five years, we went through 2 rounds of IVF and are so very thankful to be able to say we’re currently 18 weeks pregnant. People were constantly asking and roughly 3 years in I finally just said “we’ve been trying.” It completely changed their perspectives and I suddenly ended up with a wonderful support team. I know this isn’t always the norm for people and every family is different, but it felt good to know that everybody in my life knew the truth. Somehow it took some of the guilt away. Infertility is not your fault, there’s nothing you did to bring this upon yourself. Try to hang in there, I know it’s not easy. 🧡

[FrancyItaly in reply to UnicornKisses]

Aww you’ve been through a lot and I’m happy to hear you are 18w pregnant, you deserve it and it must be wonderful. We are ‘lucky’ people avoid the subject because of our miscarriage, at least that is helpful. However, I feel very sad I didn’t manage to bring a first grandchild for both sides into this family. Hopefully not long now. I wish you all the best with your pregnancy xxx

[UnicornKisses in reply to FrancyItaly]

I’m sorry to hear of your miscarriage. It really has a way of making people keep their distance. I wish the best of luck to you & that you’ll be able to hold your beautiful baby some day ❤️

[Twiglet2]

I think we all might have been at that stage at some point. It defo sounds like you need a break that’s a LOT of pressure you are putting on yourself there! Not only is 2 years married a very short time it is also no one else’s business 😢 if its others making you feel like that tell them to butt out! If it’s pressure you’re putting on yourself maybe you could take the opportunity of your anniversary coming up to remember why you both got married, what you love about each other and what it was like before you got married, doing some of those nice things together. Maybe that will help you remember the other things in life that are important and special and give you both a break from the pressure xx

[FrancyItaly in reply to Twiglet2]

Thank you for your message. Yes it’s definitely me, I am an over thinker and my mind thinks and wonders all the time. I worry too much about what people might/might not think, though I did get a lot better in the last few months! I will definitely try to do something nice with my husband, I’ll take a couple of months break. How are you doing? Xxx

[Twiglet2 in reply to FrancyItaly]

I hope you find something to relax you 🤗 We are struggling a bit just now too, I’m mid medicated FET cycle, hopefully transfer next month but the hormones are already racing lol. We are looking at maybe a wee overnight somewhere to take our minds off everything Xx

[FrancyItaly in reply to Twiglet2]

That sound good! All the best for your FET, may this be the one! x

[ttcemmie]

You are amazing and it will be your turn. You (we) just have to wait for some inexplicable reason. We're on our 5th wedding anniversary! And I can't wait to welcome a baby in to our world and families. The wait continues. I still amaze myself that I've been holding down jobs during this time and continuing normal life whilst everything in my mind is just baby baby baby. You're doing so well and you haven't wasted any time. The waiting is just awful and feels like a waste of time. Sending lots of love. xxx

[FrancyItaly in reply to ttcemmie]

Awww thank you for always being there for me. It’s the wait that is unbearable sometimes, I am so impatient! You’ve certainly done very well, after my miscarriage I left my full time job and worked as a dog walker! Now I have another office job, I have to say it’s very helpful as it helps me get distracted and make a salary which goes straight the clinic lol. Sending you lots of love and I hope to hear happy news from you soon xxx

[Bluelady-sing]

I know how you feel

[Bluelady-sing]

I know how you feel

[Hidden]

I understand the pressure and I think because of the way we are brought up as women we put more pressure on ourselves as well.

I am lucky in a way, if you want to call it that, because I have known since I was 12 that I could not have children, it was instinctive and confirmed when I was 16. I have grown up with this knowledge and I have never shied away from it, all my family and friends know. I am also very open about my medical history and problems with acquaintances and new people, I want to challenge the stigma of being infertile and I believe that by being open and normalizing it this could help somewhat.

I always thought I had come to terms with my infertility but recently I have discovered that I was just suppressing it until I fell in love and wanted children, damn! Now my body and I are arguing constantly and I am going through an angry/hatred stage; I am nearly at the end though I think, a bit less angry and more positive these days.

Nevertheless, people should not ask in such insensitive ways, and we, as women, should be a little bit kinder to ourselves. You are doing the best you can do, and that is good enough!

[FrancyItaly in reply to Hidden]

Thank you for taking the time to write this message. I am sorry about your infertility. I have no problems in telling certain people about my health problems, but with others I just can’t! I have to say months ago after my miscarriage I used to cry every day, now it happens rarely, because of period arriving or my treatment being delayed. I am very impatient and I hate that I can’t control it. Are you trying to conceive? x

[Hidden in reply to FrancyItaly]

My husband and I are trying for IVF. We were just told that we should hear from the clinic within 6 weeks for an appointment and then away we go!

I am the same, impatient and annoyed I can not control this. We have come up with a plan to sell our flat and buy a house within the next six months, if after three IVF cycles we are not pregnant, we will adopt. We have started the house hunt. This has all made me feel a lot better because we are being productive and we have a plan; if there is one thing people know about me it is that I love a plan. I don’t mind if the plan changes, as long as there is a plan B, C, D, etc. I am not the most spontaneous of persons I just like to know that I am not waiting around for things to happen and that I am making them happen.

Unfortunately, in the case of IVF the plan centers around other people making decisions and that I struggle with!

[FrancyItaly in reply to Hidden]

I am exactly like you! Definitely selling/buying your home will keep your mind busy and it’s also very exciting! I hope you’ll start your treatment soon, it’s good to know that we are not just waiting but we are a little in control x