When to tell someone at work...

[Pink_Penguin01]

I know that everyone’s situation will be different but I’m wondering at what point people told someone at work what they are going through.

I know that normally work don’t need to know until you’re pregnant and that legally I don’t need to tell them at all about what we’re doing. But at the same time I’m thinking it might help - whether that’s with appointments or just through general support.

I don’t mean like telling colleagues in my team, I’m thinking my team leader or someone along those lines. My team leaders are all super friendly and caring/supportive etc so I wouldn’t necessarily feel uncomfortable but wouldn’t want them to think I was sharing too much (which I’m sure they wouldn’t but I’m doubting myself)

[Sorax]

My manager knew from the start we was having issues as there was so many appointments she was great. When we started ivf I was in and out I work as a receptionist at a small dental practice so the team were always asking if I was okay where was I so I just told people I wasn’t really bothered about people knowing and I had so much support it was the best decision I made 🤗🤗 xxxx

[Sunshine92]

Everyones situation is different, but i found being open and honest with my supervisor and manager the best decision i made.

I told them early on what i’d been going through from an infertility point of view, and how this affected my mental health and work. They were really supportive.

My work actually has an IVF Policy, allowing 5 days pro rata to attend appointments outside annual leave and sick leave, so I wanted to use this.

Only those 2 people knew, none of my colleagues did. They were honestly so amazing and understanding.

Ive had 2 rounds of IVF and fortunately the second round was successful. I’m so grateful for their support and honestly it kept me sane and working! Otherwise i think the stress would have made me go off sick throughout xx

[theotherblonde]

Hi Pink_Penguin01 its really a personal decision and all stems from how private IVF is to you and your husband.

I never told my work but I started my new job the same week as my first cycle. I am getting my FET this month actually as my transfer was cancelled due to Covid. I just told them I have private health problems that require me to go into hospital and they didn’t ask. My managers are all men though so I don’t feel comfortable talking to them about this.

I did tell my PhD supervisors as the infertility was affecting my progress there and they were very supportive.

I just think that you wouldn’t tell your work you were trying to get pregnant naturally so why should you tell them your doing IVF. All you need to say is that you have a hospital apt and some procedures that are women issues. I wouldn’t like to tell work and then get asked questions about whether it worked or did not work.

[United07]

Hello,

I told my managers from the beginning but none of my colleagues know anything, overall they're not the most mature of colleagues as a team. My manager has been really supportive, even in going against her managers decision during the initial lockdown when I wanted to self isolate due to a positive test after our first round and I did so until I miscarried at 8 weeks. The big boss said they would put things in place but my manager understood my view with her being female too and fought the case for me which saved lots of stress and I was paid fully under a medical suspension in the end.

I'm due to restart treatment in 5 weeks for my second cycle and have only been back in work 5 weeks since my pregnancy/miscarriage absence of 9 weeks. My clinic require self isolation from starting treatment until the result of the pregnancy test which on the frozen cycle could be another 9 weeks or more. I'm awaiting confirmation from occy health regarding if I qualify for a medical suspension again which my manager is dealing with. There is a possibility I will hopefully work from home to keep myself sane for the time off again.

I do recommend it, mine has been so helpful and they have to keep it confidential so if you feel you can trust them and speak to them easily then I'd say go for it. Also good luck with your journey xx

[Hidden]

I have never told anyone about IVF or my MC at work but mainly because it would impact my career chances

I really wish I could tell someone through, I’ve been in the office screaming silently at people that they have no idea what I am going through but not able to tell them It’s been so difficult

If you have an understanding manager I think it’s a great idea to tell them but I would also suggest you don’t involve them too much and ask them to respect your privacy because there is nothing worse than the anxious wait for test day with people asking if there’s any news! xx

[Jonesy84]

Hi Pink_Penguin01, It depends how you feel. I am lucky as I have a great team so I told my manager and he was fine and very supportive. I just felt it would be easier for me if they knew as in the beginning I had so many tests due to a cyst they found which they were unsure what it was. Turned out it wasn’t a serious one. I heard from my hospital this week and I have an app on Wednesday 2hrs so I mentioned it would be starting back up again and he was so pleased for me and said take as long as you need. I know not every work place is the same and if you don’t feel comfortable or feel you want to keep it private which is also your right then just say you have a few private hospital apps coming up so you will let them know as soon as you have the dates and times xx

[User20]

I have told certain people at work straight away as I am working in a profession where it would be very difficult to take time off at short notice without leaving my colleagues in the s... And there would also be certain things I should not be doing if I'm pregnant...

Luckily my practice manager had been through IVF herself which really helps. Everyone has been super supportive throughout and I was able to take time off as and when I needed for treatment.....

[Same0508]

I said before starting my plans and they are very friendly and asked me to tell good news by myself.i.e., when i wanted to...they know how it works...for someone it works very quick and for some a little bit delayed.but as a women we all need to get there and all knew it....so dont worry just let them know your plans but also insist them not to ask any updates if you dont want to discuss it.if you are pregnant,its better to let them know at atleast 10weeks because thats when it is safe....but do remember as a women you have a right to be a mother and its a natural process n its something which should not be planned..just go with the flow...gud luck be strong....

[Solly-44]

I told my manager (but not other colleagues) pretty early on. I was having regular scans during clomid cycles but with very short notice. I just couldn’t have kept asking for an hour or 2 off every few days without giving some explanation.

It was the best thing I did though - my manager was brilliant about it. If you get on with them and your only concern is the sharing too much concern I’d go for it! X

[Hidden]

Last time i told my manager only as i needed time off for appointments etc. She was very accommodating but i didnt like the question all the time (how is it going where are you in the process when you know the result) so this time i decided im not going to tel her and just take time off. I know everyone wishes you wel but i just cant deal with the questions. Xx