Time off work

[BC67]

Morning all,

Sorry this is probably going to be a bit of a rant,

Bit of background I am 38 (for another 2 days) in just over 3 years I have had 4 Ectopic pregnancies 2 ruptured resulting in hospital stays and both my tubes removed.

our only option been IVF we were given funding for one fresh cycle.

That failed last Monday, those that have had failed cycles have you taken time off work afterwards? (I work in a school) I am taking some time off for me, to process what has happened, what our options are going forward and just accept everything (and get my emotions in check because they aren’t at the minute) but I feel guilty and unreasonable for wanting to do that (my husband has told me to take whatever time I need) I don’t know why because I wouldn’t be thanked at work for rushing back before I was ready.

Also did anybody access the free counselling offered by clinics? And what were your experiences with it after a failed cycle?

Thankyou

[sandra81]

I stayed at home and cried every day for an entire month. IVF had not only failed but was also informed that I needed donor eggs. I lived alone so there was no one to talk to. For some reason at work, they never noticed my absence though I did not ask for a day off and just absconded. I am not proud of it, but it happened just like that. I could have been lucky in that my job at that time involved a lot of travel. It is possible that my workmates thought I was out on a mission. After a month I went back to work though once in a while I would burst into tears for no apparent reason. So, if you need to take time out for yourself and your workplace agrees, do not feel guilty about it. You have been through a traumatic experience. Best wishes.

[DianeArnold Partner Nurse Fertility Network UK]

Hi BC. Just to let you know we have lots of information on Fertility in the Workplace on our website so do have a look. www,fertiliitynetworkuk.org

Diane

[lmno]

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I’ve been through 6 rounds of IVF/ICSI and experienced just about every possible outcome of treatment. I’ve often tried to muddle through with taking as little time off work as possible but to be honest the cumulative impact of the trauma of it all has meant I’ve needed quite a lot of time off (usually afterwards) to deal with the grief and the psychological impacts of it all. All that to say you’ve been through so much and we can have such high expectations of ourselves to keep going and keep functioning but it’s really ok to say “this is too much and I need to look after myself”. Try to give yourself permission to prioritise yourself without feeling guilty. You deserve (and need) time to recover and process and heal x

[Xmishell37]

'I wouldnt be thanked at work for rushing back' - this is similar to the saying that ur workplace would replace you next week if you died tomorrow (sorry that sounds harsh), I think you've said all you need to! You have been thru more than many people on this journey and anyone who has been thru it would never question you taking as much time as u need, I took 6 weeks off work after one miscarriage at 5.5 weeks, I was a wreck as it was our first transfer and the high of a positive test made the low so much more intense, everyone coped differently but I think you are recognising that you need time off, ur job will still be here when ur not, easier said than done but do not feel guilty, ur own health and wellbeing needs to come first! I used to feel really guilty about cancelling plans or not going to events I was invited to, but I'm now unapologetic about I, because I know when I'm not in the right place to be sociable, the emotions that this journey creates are unreal, I hope u feel more at peace with whichever you u make 💗 xx

[IVFat40]

I feel you should definitely take the time you need. You've been through so much, anyone would need time to process it. And mental health/wellbeing is just as important and valid a reason for time off as physical health.

[CyclingAddict]

Take some time to grieve. I made the mistake of going straight into work for a meeting an hour after I found out my first embryo transfer had failed (never again!). We were lucky in that we were offered free counselling on the NHS, which really helped. We've since gone private and still stay in touch with our counsellor. Like my counsellor would tell us, you're experiencing loss. There's no shame in mourning for the child you thought you'd have or the life you hoped for. Never feel guilty for that x

[Christianbaby]

Hello! I just wanted to share a bit of my journey with you. After my second failed FET, I made the decision to take a week off from work. It was a tough time, and my partner and I were advised that our best option might be using donor eggs. Processing that information took nearly a year, considering all the factors like anonymous or open identity at 18 and where we wanted to pursue this path.

Taking time off felt necessary for me to really process everything. I worked with a fertility counselor for over two months, and gradually, I began to feel more prepared. Eventually, we made the decision to go ahead with donor eggs, and we got our beautiful baby!

I just want to remind you that it's okay to take the time you need. Don't ever feel guilty for needing a break or needing to process everything. Wishing you all the strength and positivity on your fertility journey. You've got this!

[Catwind]

so not for if but after my first miscarriage I wen straight back to work and the stress of work, other things going on in my personal life meant I broke down three months later and went on leave for 3 months. Second miscarriage I gave myself more time to grieve and set up expectations at work to give me space and I mentally healed faster. Give yourself time.