Does anyone else have a really strong gut instinct that they will never be a mum, like no matter how much you work for it itās not your destiny and your just not going to have children.
This is me šš¼āāļø
I fight this everyday, my gut tells me no matter what I do I wonāt have them.
My family tell me I have to keep going but I find it hard to fight my intuition that I wonāt ever have them.
It gets me so down š
Anyone else get this feeling?
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Faith103
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I get this feeling on my down days. Hopefully it will pass for you, but I do get it. It sometimes feels like if I have to work this hard for it, then maybe it will never happen. But then I look at people who have gone through many more rounds and remind myself it can happen, it just hasn't yet. xxx
I always try and look at people that are worse off than me. I try and tell myself people have suffered more than me etc. I think the hardest thing is the people close to me as in people I know that are struggling are all flying past and getting their miracles. Even with illnesses. It is so hard to keep going... Thank you for your reply xxxx
Yeah, true. Sometimes people that are doing well in the journey inspires hope and sometimes it is just really hard to see. Hoping we get our babies sooner rather than later. xxx
100%. Every day for the past 3 years. After spending my whole life imagining my future as being a mum only, slowly and surely over the past 3 years that vision got further away and disappeared. I just felt it in my gut.
I sit here typing this while 9 and a half weeks pregnant. I still dont believe it. Iām completely numb to it, neither excited or relieved, just numb. I wont believe it until theyāre here.
What youāre feeling is completely normal. Keep trying, fight that feeling! š xx
Lovely reply. I am glad I am not the only one who feels like this. It is so hard because I feel like I have been waiting for it for so long. It really does scare me that my time will never come. Massive congratulations. I like Happy Endings...xxx
@sunshine92 Iām 10.5 weeks and feel the same! Itās so weird, Iāve worked so hard (and so long) for this. I spent so much energy reading about fertility doing and all the things I can do to best prepare my body and mind, and eventually it worked and now Iām here I thought I would be jumping for joy and full of beans... all that hard work and stress and mental anguish finally paid off....but the self preservation part is still there lingering, not allowing me to be relaxed or relieved. Iāve been feeling really bad about not feeling better about it. But Iām so scared itās all going to be taken away from me that I canāt fully relax between scans!
Itās annoying as Iām usually a very positive person in other aspects of my life, but these ājourneysā have a habit of changing us a bit I think.
The baby turns from embryonic status to fetus this week and in the next two weeks will be using the placenta and start to āfeel my feelsā so I really gotta up my mindset to happy mum, happy baby.
It really does. I never thought I would get to a 12 week scan. I never thought ivf would work and always thought I would need a hysterectomy which would prevent my chances. Once the ivf worked I still couldnāt visualise each milestone. Even now I still canāt see me giving birth Within two weeks. I hope you get your BFP soon my dear, never give up xx
This just brought a tear to my eye. Good Luck with your pregnancy All the thoughts that you said you got I feel exactly the same. I feel like should I just get a hysterectomy and get everything out as its not going to work for me anyways and it might help my endo...xxxx such a hard journey
I felt the same way 8 years ago and actually requested one from the doctor but thankfully they refused as I was too young. Endo and infertility is such a tough journey, be kind to yourself, itās normal to feel this way. I used to say the same, itās not going happen for me ect. Then after my first failed round I felt this way even more. I found crystal healing and reflexology helped me loads and to this day I still feel itās what helped me, I put my trust in something else that I wouldn't have before. My inbox is always open if you need a chat xxx
I had one on the first transfer and then on the second 2. They out of the blue called me that morning offering two and I felt it was a sign so took it and they both implanted xx
I have endo like you so this has made me feel a bit better. I had surgery in sept and my fear is by the time they put an embryo back my womb will be a mess. I have been told I have a small amount of adomyosis xxx
I had my surgery in 2015 and it helped a bit but didnāt help me conceive. I the went on clomid for 6 months and this actually worked but I misscarried then went straight to ivf xx
I only have one tube due to an ectopic last year in july. I have 1 tube left but I do not have much hope for that one as i have been told I have got some fluid around the ovary where the tub is left so this will prob cause an issue with the journey especially if the fluid starts to leak down the tube. I have gone straight to IVF like you. I have my embryos in the freezer. I was supposed to be going on prostap for 3 months and then doing a transfer but with delay of covid I am just thinking sod it i will bypass the prostap and just do the transfer. However I am scared. When you have a bad endo day did you ever wounder how can a baby ever be safe inside my womb, When u get pain I just feel like its too toxic for a baby and it makes me so sad, last month was my first bad month after my surgery my pain is returning i think xxxx
Yes everything you are feeling I did feel. I felt my endo would prevent any implanting. I was on buserelin which gave me endo relief. Since being pregnant Iāve had no endo symptoms xx
This is lovely to know. My partner keeps saying we will get one the odds are very good we have 5 good embryos they just need some help to get settled. I think I worry because when I get my bad days with endo I think no way can anything be safe in there xxx brilliant news about your endo subsiding. How far pregnant are you? Xxxx what stage endo do you have
I had moderate (they donāt do stage numbers here) but it was getting worse before my ivf. They basically said it would be best to get me pregnant than do another op.
My partner also said it was numbers game. We had 9 eggs, 7 fertilised and 4 made it to day 5. First one (fresh) didnāt implant, 2 transferred second time and we have one remaining
My partner guessed the numbers correct all along. He always said, 9,7,4,2. Itās good also that u have time to heal after the egg collection. Very good numbers there my dear. Use this time to eat well, meditate ect. Headspace app I recommend.
Anything that will help to build ur lining. I had almonds each day ect, I was in a much better place second time.
Thatās so interesting about your partner guessing the numbers! My friend told me to visualize numbers of follicles in my ovaries during stims and to see them growing evenly and big and juicy! She read about the power of the mind. She was told to expect about 7 for herself but visualized 11 and got 11. I had a poor round where I got 2, the next round I visualized7 and got 7. Iām pretty sure it was down to the protocol, diet and doctor but it the visualization and belief certainly didnāt do any harm. Keeps you positive. Apparently the mind doesnāt know the difference between real and imagined which is why visualization is such a powerful tool,
Wow this is amazing. We were meant to have to 14 -16 eggs but on the morning of the collection my partner said 9 and he was right. Not heard this before so thatās very interesting
Sorry you are feeling this way hun, it's horrible. I feel this way a lot. I actually have a lot of days where I feel this must be some sort of punishment or destiny and I might have no control over this no matter how hard I try. It's more when I'm feeling down about it. I don't think it means it is true though, especially not for everyone else. I think we all do have a chance. Stay strong lovely! xxxx
That is exactly how I feel, i feel i am being punished for something. The one thing I want and I can not get it I think career and life goals etc I fee like is in my hands but I do not feel this is in my hands as I can not control what my body does. xxx
I had this feeling last year from July to Christmas. I felt utterly defeated but then I got 2nd wind and my strength back. Put back on my boxing gloves and fought again.
I think this is what I need to do but I feel like I am always having to get up and fight back. Every time i do get pregnant i either miscarry or I have an ectopic etc. I now have my embryos in the freezer but now I am unable to use them because of covid 19. I had surgery in Sept to remove my endo so its growing back with all this waiting. Congratulations to you on your miracle.
I know itās easier said than done and Iām sorry if I came over at all patrionising. I also appreciate the current crisis weāre in makes it all doubly difficult.
I suppose what i was trying to get across was to not give up as you hear of these miracle stories all the time. So believe it will happen xxx
I am trying to be positive I just think I am a negative person. I think this is why i struggle so much at times. Its successful stories and people being positive like yourself that keeps me going. Thank god for this support group xxxx
Yes I feel like this pretty much every day these days. I have decided its probably just my brain trying to prepare me for the worst case scenario, but telling myself not to read too much into it as it doesnt actually mean anything, its just self protection
Your right its so hard, i just feel like my brain tells me that no matter what I do I will never be like other people and I will not get my miracle. I feel like other people who I know seem to just get their miracle. Even people I know that struggle out of 8 of us I think there is only me and 1 other girl left xxxx
I had this all the time. On my last transfer I cried because I was so convinced it wasnāt going to work. Now 21 weeks pregnant - donāt give up hope xx
Congratulations its always nice to hear positive stories. Just sometimes I just think that will not ever be me. I will not give up yet I will keep going I just feel like people I know by me that are struggling like me for different reasons get pregnant before me and I feel like they have got their miracle a lot sooner than me I feel like I have been waiting forever. xxxx
Yep, I woke not wanting to get out of bed when we first found out we would have issues. Then we we got our first bfp and lost it I just thought it would never work again. But I've just spend the last 10 minutes looking like a stripper in the shower dancing away going as low as I can to get this baby on move... it worked with our first frostie transfer. I still don't feel like I have a baby in my tummy despite all the kicks. We think it might not happen because it feels like we're chasing a dream. But it can and it does work. Keep all the positive stories in your mind when a sad thought pops in. you There is no reason why you can't be a lucky one too, after all, someone has to be, so why not you!!! xxxx ā¤ļø
Thanks for your reply and congratulations, I have seen some of your previous stories so I am slightly familiar with your situation. Its so hard both my mum and partner have fallen out with me today because I've woken up so negative. I just feel like they do not understand. Ever since been about 12 at school I always had a gut feeling I couldn't have children and im here now nearly 20 years later living the fear I had when I was 12. Sometimes I have my pain from my endo and I think how can a child ever be safe in there. I have slight adomyosis as well and with this covid im worried its going to effect my womb even more. xxxx
Your partner needs an elbow. This whole situation is so mentally challenging and it's a bloody drain. Your gonna have your down days, for me it felt like grief. As easy as it is to talk yourself out of why this won't work, think of all the reasons it can. The science out there exists for us, we live in a world where a lot of things are possible. Even if they said its a 5% chance it would work for you, who's to say you wouldnt be in that 5%? It's as simple as that. It doesn't matter if the odds are against you as long as it works for a percentage! You can do this, you are doing this. Your getting up each day and cracking on! Tomorrow is a new day and it may just be a little bit brighter for you than today ā¤ļø xxxx
I am very thankful that I have lovely people to talk to on here. You are so right i have my 5 embryos in the freezer i just have to try and get them settled. I don't think it helps that I am such a negative person. I think sometimes with the pain i get from my endo I always think to myself how can a baby ever be safe in there. xxxx
I get this feeling unfortunately. I just had a MC and all I can thinks about is that I will never ever be a mum. I am all negative and I get this feeling all the time
š I get you, I totally understand you.
I spent the last year imaging my future as a mum, knowing that my husb would be an excellent dad.. I am hoping this feelings will go away eventually.. I need to get pregnant again š¢
Sorry for your loss. I know your pain I had an ectopic last year and it still hurts. This hurts me too as I feel I would put my all into in and I know I would be the best mum I could be. I hate the fear I carry inside. I hope you get your miracle I really do xxxx
This has been me for most of my adult life. I've wanted children since I was 16, although I knew I needed to wait until.inwas older, settled and in love. I'm now 33 and the last 6 years in particular I've thought about why, was it because I wasnt too kind about that person, or have I not done enough good. Tortured myself over it. I dont think I stopped thinking about it until last year after a natural MMC when I conned myself into thinking I didnt want children anymore because I'd had enough and was giving up. My mind relaxed and I was ready for IVF. I'm the total opposite of a spiritual person but I completely believe PMA is the reason we fell. Good luck in your journey xxx
Congratulations. Thatās how I feel the same as you did. I keep thinking am I being punished for something. Every time I get pregnant something seems to go wrong so I blame myself again. Did you feel better on your second round of ivf xxx
I blamed myself for years and years but life just doesnt work like that. There is nothing either of us have done or said to stop us getting pregnant, we must just be the unlucky ones. Have you had tests to find out what's going wrong? Or tried any alternative medicines? This was our first IVF, our first pregnancy was natural. After that in was diagnosed with endometriosis and I have a thyroid condition so I was doubly unlucky. I honestly believe that being relaxed was the key to our success. I am a healthy 33yr old with a good BMI and my partner has 2 children so there was no reason we shouldn't get pregnant, we only got 4 eggs and only 1 fertilised, inwas devastated. But from this we got one top quality embryo and I wished with all of my power for it to stick. PMA goes a long way. Feel free to message me if you want any info xx
Iāve got 5 embryos in the freezer. 3 of them are hatching blastocyst. I think itās the womb I worry about. I have a small amount of adenomyosis so I think this worries me. Thatās really good that you manage to conceive with the one lucky egg. Iāve been pregnant 3 times all natural but itās the journey thatās the problem now because I only have one tube. I just feel like Iām not going to be the lucky one. My bmi is good and my partner has really good sperm. I just feel like itās me.xxxx
I had an endometrial stretch prior to transfer, again it might not have been the trick but who can say. When you've been pregnant naturally have u had progesterone? Have u has bloods done to check your levels xx
To be honest on not sure what the signs are but I imagine there will be some good info online. I used to get big boobs a week before my period then they would go once AF came, but this wasnt every month, I wonder if that's progesterone going up and down. I was told if I feel naturally again I'd need progesterone xx
I usually start to get my symptoms as soon as Iāve ovulated. Sore boobs, bloating and craving etc. Although I have endo my periods are like clockwork. I am very lucky with that xxxx
Yeah that's really good. Mine were anywhere from 26 to 36 days until.i started taking thyroxine then they settled to 28-29 days. I was concerned I wasnt ovulating and my bloods were below average, despite only having mild endo.xx
I think Iām ovulating but with only having one tube and endo I think my chances naturally are very low. Iāve got stage 4 endo so itās pretty bad. How are you feeling now.xxx
So will you go ahead with your frosties then? I would definitely get your progesterone checked and ask for luteal support with transfer. I'm actually starting to feel normal now for the past 36 hours, no migraines or headaches with neck ache š„° makes such a difference. When do you think you'll get transfer xx
Yep I find it difficult to shake that feeling most of the time, despite my best efforts in positive thinking, which I'm normally quite good at in every other area, but it's buried deep and I can't for the life of me figure out how to convince my brain to let it go!
This is what worries me I worry that it is there for a reason to prepare for it not happening. I want to be a mum so bad but I never get visions of it like I donāt see myself holding a child I want to but I canāt see it xxxx itās such a waste as well as I am so maternal and good with children.xxxx
To be honest I wonder if it's a defense mechanism that our minds are trying to prepare us with, just in case it doesn't happen, so I just counteract it by doing all I can to make it happen!
Totally understand how you feel, I feel that on my down days that I won't ever be a mum. My gut told me it was me that had the problem when we were having ttc and I ended up being correct. My gut tells me every now and then that all my efforts to become a mum are a waste.
My family and hubby encourage me not to think like this but sometimes I can't help it.
I try and keep positive and busy to avoid thoughts like this xx
Do we have this feeling for a reason or do you think itās just our fear. Itās so horrible I try and get it out of my head but I just donāt think it will ever go away xxxx
I believe it to be fear of it not happening. You have to try and out weigh the negative with the positive, it helps me. For example, you are healthy and your partner loves you for who you are not whether you can have children or not. Thinking positively will help your mental health. Thinking negatively all the time will send you into a down ward spiral.
I have more positive days than negative ones now than I did when I found out I couldn't have children.
Yes me! 8 years ttc and not one bfp ever. Cycles of clomid, 3 cycles of IVF, lots of tests, hsg, being proded and poked, low AMH, short luteal phase, c4m2 mutation. Diagnosed in the last 6 months with Adenomyosis and waiting a gynea app to rule out endo. Taken so many supplements and medications to try and assist. I'm not sure if it's us subconsciously trying to protect ourselves should it never happen. But as much as I want it to happen, I just can't see it happening. I still don't believe I've gotten to the bottom of my failure to conceive and not sure if I ever will. I feel there is too much against me for it to actually happen xx
I used to feel like that most of the time TTC like I was wasting our time. By the end of our journey I was pretty broken by it. I think as others have said it is a way to self protect ourselves from further heartache & disappointment. Looking at my daughter Iām so grateful I kept going ( even when things felt hopeless ) You are much stronger than you think xxx
Yes.... every day! I had an early miscarriage over Christmas... 7th transfer 1st positive.... 7 years trying with 4 1/2 years going through ivf...
Everyone says keep going... easy for them to say!
I know there are people worse off and I should be grateful for what I have... and I am... it just feels like there is something missing! It hasnāt been made easy by a close relative having a donor embryo transfer and it working first time!!
But... we keep going and hoping... hopefully one day š¤š¤
Wishing you all the best of luck in your journey xx
Your story really hit home with me so I want to share my experience with you and hope it can help you, even a little.
I had a manager who pissed me off big time. She was rude, tactless and condescending. I was not wrong in what I thought of her - colleagues felt the same way. But my anger was getting me nowhere. I was the one who felt bad, not her. I distanced myself from what made me feel bad for a while and focused on the little things that made me feel good. When I had some positive reserves I looked at the things that made me feel bad and they didn't seem as big after all. They didn't go away but they were more manageable. Don't beat yourself up for having negative thoughts. It's natural. Just try to find positive ones to balance them out. Might have to look around a few new corners to find them. When you get busy with something you enjoy other things you enjoy see to happen at the same time (feast or famine!).
I have endometriosis too and PCOS. I focused on what I had control over. I changed my diet and when I lost weight I treated myself to new clothes. I felt better about myself. The weight loss also helped me start ovulating regularly. My manager was so envious of my weight loss. She gained weight during her pregnancies and couldn't shift it. I just ignored her comments and focused on me (although I did take a little pleasure knowing I had achieved something she was struggling with - naughty!).
I went down the tough route of IVF. I couldn't believe it when I got my BFP. I cried my eyes out when I started bleeding at 6weeks - a miscarraige. But the big surprise at the scan was that there was a second sac with a heartbeat! I couldn't believe it. I cried again when I bleed at 12 weeks. Convinced I had lost the other twin. But thankfully I didn't. At the 20 week scan the sonographer asked what am I hoping for? Straightaway I said 'a heartbeat' . I think she meant what sex baby I wanted. But my negative experience had trained my mind to answer defensively. It's not badness, just bad habit. When I started feeling kicks I relaxed a bit knowing I could feel my baby move. I am now 30weeks. So far all is going well. I am trying to enjoy the positives of this experience I wanted for so long. Some days I get drawn back into negative thinking. Other days I try my best to practice positivity. My positive friend says "a happy mummy is a happy baby". I want a happy baby so I am trying to feed it happy vibes and set a good example for it.
One other saying I was told (at the time I hated it but now I love it) "happiness is a journey, not a destination". My journey was longer that other people's but there was a lot of scenery along the way. You are on the journey now so start happiness now.
I hope you can find positive things in your life to be grateful for and focus on creating more. Best of luck with your journey ā
I feel like this everyday. Its been almost 7 long years of ttc. I have no one around me that is dealing with the issues I have. Everyone I know has been so lucky with their miracles- as much as I am happy for them there is that part of me that dies a little. Sometimes it helps to be on forums like this, because then you are not alone and there is someone always worse off- this doesn't devalue what you are going through by any means it just helps.
I'm currently waiting for my 1st IVF appt. Until that letter comes through I am not 'trying' I am focusing on my health & mind. Sometimes a break from it is quite helpful to recover from what I call the 'grieving' side of TTC/fertility issues.
My fingers are crossed for you, don't give up hope but don't be hard on yourself. Wishing you lots of good luck! šš¤
I felt this way for 5 years. I have stage 4 endo (the worst) and over my fertility journey had 2 surgeries to help try to clear some of it. I also did 2 rounds of IUI, 6 egg retrievals, 6 FETās, had 1 miscarriage, had a completely failed cycle not yielding any embryos and finally after switching clinics for the 3rd time we finally had our best cycle with 4 genetically normal embryos & got pregnant with our first transfer there. We were shocked! My daughter is now 19 months & everyday I still feel amazed that I was able to have her! She is a true miracle & I am thankful for her everyday. We really want to give her a sibling & had a failed FET in Jan. & some how I pushed through and decided to try again (before all this covid mess) and we found out we are expecting again (still in shock)! I am here to tell you that miracles do happen & YOU CAN have children. Try to stay positive & optimistic! I know how hard the journey is but I believe if you stay the course & donāt give up you too can have your miracle.
I feel this everyday too! Especially when I see people posting their pregnancy and baby photos if my tummy twist.
After miscarrying last week and my best friend lost her batter with cancer at the weekend leaving behind her 7 year old girl. I put my life into perspective āI am here I am alive and thereās a whole lot of living to do a big world to see and Iāve a lot of love and kindness I can give to others , I will make my life fullā š
Iām only 24 but always dreamed of being a mum and then I had the news last year at laparoscopy that I have endometriosis, PCOS and blocked Fallopian tubes and no matter how many times I read the successful IVF stories I constantly have the thought that it will never be me! My partner has some financial and personal issues at the moment so itās not possible for us to start trying! He always tells me to stay positive and it will happen for us somehow but I can just never seem to get those negative thoughts out of my head! Lovely to see all of these replies of success thoughšš
Hi... I believe strongly on circle of life!!! When your turn comes you should and definitely will play your role as mommy!! š š š This covid 19 is making me go crazy and one ivf failure I couldn't sleep... I'm like waking in morng at 6:30 am like never before and going out for walk and also in eveng... My body is loosing more fat now... But I'm not skipping any meals... Somewhere it is feeling that it's all because to get ready for my next cycle.... Don't worry burn that fat and get fit get as healthy as possible like never before.... All the best.... We all are in this together...
Hey my love.... itās an awful feeling isnāt it. I had this feeling for around 4 years and thought Iām never going to be a mum. I didnāt want to get out bed, anything I did I saw as pointless such as career, holidays seeing family etc .my mental health deteriorated but no one on the outside would even guess even to this day I donāt think my partner or mum understood the depression and anxiety. Every night getting that sicky anxious feeling in the pit of your stomach along with the nervous butterflies as the thought of not being a mum took over. But fast forward 1 year and my little boy is my world. Please please donāt give up... talk about your feelings... meditate... listen to mindful apps and vision where you want to be...... you will be a mum and you will get your time... youāve got some frozen embabies waiting for you and donāt be hard on your self as you will have your time and when you do itās going to be amazing and everything you wished for... and all the hard times such as now..... you would go through it all over again..... lots of love and look after yourself my dear as much as you can šš
Honestly I felt exactly the same...took us many attempts and 10+ yrs of married life...but we finally got our first BFP in Feb ...only 11 wks so far...! There were so many days and years where I felt it was not going to happen for us. I thought I was overcooking embryos as my body gets really hot. I was convinced!
My Hubby and Dad even said to me some ppl aren't meant to have kids it's not fair but don't get your hopes up.
I'd lost all hope but turned to faith and starting praying.
Please don't lose hope and faith hang in there xxx
Donāt lose hope Faith, I know itās hard and I agree with others on here that thereās an element of self preservation when we say some of these things negative things to ourselves.
Took me 8 years TTC and 5 rounds of IVF, it can happen. I got myself in all sorts of depths, especially after having two rounds cancelled. Iām now 10.5 weeks
I started turning to things to help my mind, I found meditation quite hard to be disciplined but did start doing ābody scansā to ācheck inā and visualizations.
The mind is very powerful and doesnāt know the difference between real and imagined so try and visualize yourself having a successful IVF round, getting pregnant, having a healthy pregnancy, holding a baby and running around after a toddler. Picture that family photo and holidays and Christmases etc. I know itās weird at first but there might be something in the old adage āyou canāt be what you canāt seeā
Another exercise I was told to do was a vibration chart. (Btw I wasnāt into all this stuff before ...but āneeds mustā!) You take a piece of paper and at the top write āhigh vibrationsā and the bottom ālow vibrationsā and in the middle is neutral.
In the middle you write neutral things. Like things you have to do, but donāt make you good or bad.
Under ālow vibrationsā you write all the things you donāt like doing, things that stress you out, people that bring you down and leave you feeling deflated.
Then afterwards look at the chart and going forwards choose to spend the majority of your time doing things that lift you up and bring you joy and spending time with ppl with good energy.
If possible, phase some of the negative things (and people!) out, spend less time doing them, less energy on them, ignore negative bosses, say no to things you donāt wanna do.
The idea of this is to shift from a negative to a more positive headspace.
I feel like this too, just going through my 8th loss. Youāre not on your own. Iām normally a positive person too but i feel itās almost impossible to be positive at the minute š x
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Gutted - Lining Issues Again š„
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