So, it would seem that the nagging feeling I should put off this round of ivf was for a reason...
Went to the doctors with a painful breast. Turns out I have a suspicious lump and I've been referred to, and I quote "the emergency cancer unit" to be checked out but I'm not to panic, though I should maybe postpone ivf further in order to not have "another burden to deal with".
I'm hoping that as it's painful it's just a cyst or something though but I can't seem to help feeling a bit, well, weepy.
Sorry for the whinge, I feel I'm usually quite resilient but ive felt a bit down for the last couple of days.
I sat in a cafe with my mum and dh yesterday, my af had come full force, the news from the doc was sinking in and I couldnt help but watch a young woman sat on the next table feeding her baby and I allowed the sadness to wash over me instead of pushing it away like usual.
Then we've just had a text from friends of ours who married in the summer and intended to start ttc as she has suspected fertility issues and is in her late 30s. They weren't sure how to tell us this but they're 3 months pregnant...
Now to face my dh's fertile family for an NYE party who can be deeply insensitive and see the new year in with them and their children seems more than I can bear, but I have to, so sorry all but I had to have a weepy blurt in order to face tonight and I'm afraid you were the lucky recipients of my sekf-pity.
I do recognise I have many blessings in life and promise to try and focus on them and be my more positive self again soon though!
Thank you for allowing me to release my blurb on your pages.
To everyone that's going through this difficult path, I wish that peace and happiness find you, and that your dreams are fulfilled as we move forward onto a hopefully bright 2018.
Big hugs and love xxxxx