So, it would seem that the nagging feeling I should put off this round of ivf was for a reason...
Went to the doctors with a painful breast. Turns out I have a suspicious lump and I've been referred to, and I quote "the emergency cancer unit" to be checked out but I'm not to panic, though I should maybe postpone ivf further in order to not have "another burden to deal with".
I'm hoping that as it's painful it's just a cyst or something though but I can't seem to help feeling a bit, well, weepy.
Sorry for the whinge, I feel I'm usually quite resilient but ive felt a bit down for the last couple of days.
I sat in a cafe with my mum and dh yesterday, my af had come full force, the news from the doc was sinking in and I couldnt help but watch a young woman sat on the next table feeding her baby and I allowed the sadness to wash over me instead of pushing it away like usual.
Then we've just had a text from friends of ours who married in the summer and intended to start ttc as she has suspected fertility issues and is in her late 30s. They weren't sure how to tell us this but they're 3 months pregnant...
Now to face my dh's fertile family for an NYE party who can be deeply insensitive and see the new year in with them and their children seems more than I can bear, but I have to, so sorry all but I had to have a weepy blurt in order to face tonight and I'm afraid you were the lucky recipients of my sekf-pity.
I do recognise I have many blessings in life and promise to try and focus on them and be my more positive self again soon though!
Thank you for allowing me to release my blurb on your pages.
To everyone that's going through this difficult path, I wish that peace and happiness find you, and that your dreams are fulfilled as we move forward onto a hopefully bright 2018.
Big hugs and love xxxxx
Written by
Pookymama
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I’m ok. Neither feeling really positive or really negative xx
Hello beautiful. I’m so sorry that you have had all this to deal with; it sounds like you’ve been hit by a lot in a short space of time. It sounds like it has all understandably side swiped you.
If you feel unable to spend time with people who are not going to build you up, then give yourself permission not to go, you know it’s just another night, overhyped and overrated!! Tomorrow is another Monday in a long line of Monday’s! Whatever you decide, I hope that you have fun 🎉🥃🎊
I sincerely hope that your appointment with the unit goes well, you’ll be in my thoughts. I hope that you feel brighter soon, best wishes 😘😘😘😘
Thank you for your lovely message Dolly, it really helps when someone understands.
How're you? Do you have anything planned for tonight?
I've just spoken to my dh about how I feel and he suggested we head to the party for 7 instead of between 5-6 so that's slightly less time I have to be there...
I don't feel I can bow out as we have my stepson who doesn't know anything about any of this and I don't want to let him down.
I've allowed myself to slip off upstairs for some quiet time right now though which will hopefully help.
Thank you for the well wishes lovely, I wish you all the very best for the New Year xxx
I’m good my darling, my OH and I are heading out with my family to somewhere I have no idea! I’m going to make myself up and look pretty nonetheless!! 😂
A bit of time out and an understanding partner can go a long way! Ahh in laws, some are true gems aren’t they?!
Try and have in the back of your mind that the in laws lives aren’t ‘perfect’, even the ones that perceive them to be; they still fart, pick their nose 👃🏻 I don’t see eye to eye with my in laws either but I do what I want with them, on my own terms (& for my husband) it’s taken 10 years tho to figure that out!! And what a lovely step-mummy you are considering your stepson feelings, thoughtful and considerate 💕💕
Power dress, shave your legs, put on your best make up and perfume (not in that order 😂), it always helps to feel better to have a bit of self care 😘😘 Best wishes chica xxx
If going out is going to make you upset, then don’t go. New Years parties always used to upset me, so one year I decided not to go, and I have never felt better! Now I spend time with people who I want to spend time with, or not, and I am so much happier! Look after yourself, you are the most important person.
I really wish I could just say I'm not going, and it's what I'd advise someone else but I don't want to let my stepson down by not going as he doesn't know about any of this, and my partner would be gutted if I didn't go...
... there's a new years resolution right there - stop people pleasing and please myself! 😂xx
I'm so sorry you've got this to contend with as well. I'm not sure if this will help at all, but a close friend of mine went through the exact same thing with a painful lump just over a month ago, emergency referral etc. They confirmed it was just a cyst caused by hormonal changes. The speed at which they referred her meant she had the reassurance quickly. I hope the same happens for you and that you can feel better about your next round very soon.
As for this evening, I'm sorry you're set for an evening of insensitive comments and seemingly perfect families in your face. Hopefully by expecting the worst it won't be that bad. We're all here for you to vent to. Perhaps we should all amuse ourselves tomorrow by sharing the most ridiculous comments we've had to face over this period?!
Jacqui, you're amazing-fab idea on the sharing ridiculous comments tomorrow, I'll look forward to that, and no doubt there'll be some pearlers! 😂.
Aw, I'm so glad your friend was ok after her scare! It is heartening to hear such stories and reassuring they check things out so quickly. Hopefully mine is the same!
Do you have anything planned for tonight? Hope you have a good one and that 2018 brings all you wish for. Xx
We're at friends tonight, with apparent plans to play beer pong 😓 I wouldn't have been drinking anyway, but attempting to hide a very early pregnancy will be just as difficult, though undoubtedly the better of the two difficults. Xxx
No wonder your feeling so low, you’ve had a lot thrown at you so never apologise for letting it all out here!
I understand why you don’t want to go the NYE’s party it’s so hard when family don’t ‘get it’, if you don’t feel like you can cancel maybe you could go a bit later so your not there quite as long.
Wishing you lots of luck for your appt and all the new year brings xx
Awwww lovely. I'm so sorry to hear of your troubles, such a worrying time for you. I'm trusting the lump is a cyst I really hope so hun. Your allowed to feel the way you are don't apologize and try that new year resolution out. Don't try pleasing everyone all the time, you need to keep yourself protected at times also.
I'm hoping this year brings you good news and that you have this referral and lump sorted ASAP. Keep strong hun and try enjoy tonight. Thinking of you lovely. Take care 💗🤗😘
Oh my honey this is a lot to handle. You have every right to feel overwhelmed and weepy. I’m also sorry you’ve got this get-together to get through tonight! Maybe you can come up with a code word with hubby if you need a get-out to leave early?
Sending lots of love and I’m sure your scare is just that - a scare - and you’ll be just fine.
Thank you lovely, think it just hit me a bit when it started to sink in, that's all.
We have my dh's little boy tonight and he'll want to stay and play with his little cousins right til the end so I'm afraid leaving early would be doubtful... might have to solve this one with prosecco I'm afraid! 😂.
And yeah, hopefully it's just a scare hun. Massive thanks for the well wishes.
Sorry you’re having a hard time. Hopefully the lump will be a cyst as you say and you can start looking forward to when you feel ready to try again. I hope 2018 brings you happiness xx
Ah u poor thing. What a traumatic ending to the year! Hopefully the lump is nothing to worry about and you will be seen to quickly! I had a breast lump a few years ago and its hard not to panic. Mine turned out just to be a breast mouse (cant remember the technical term). Here's hoping yours is something similar. 😘 xx
Glad you are feeling more positive today! It's good to offload.
Im currently in down reg. I feel flu-like, sore muscles, head etc. Not sure if its the meds or jus a general winter bug! But im off work so taking it easy! Thanks for asking 😘 xx
Just to give you some comfort, sake happened to me and I went it was lymph nodes type of thing probably because of hormonal things going on with my and my ovaries. I’m sure it’ll be nothing, most breast lumps usually are. Then you can get cracking with your journey x
Do you know, I usually look at things quite positively without creating the scenario of doom, and feel more like that today. I think I was just on a general weepy downer yesterday and needed to get it out.
The lovely supportive messages definitely helped pick me up again!
Hope you are well and your journey is moving positively for you. 😊 xx
I’ve just had a big lap last Wednesday so I’m laid up recovering but tubes were clear so I’m excited to get trying once I feel better. Still in so much pain but optimistic. Meet with gyny in few weeks so we will discuss ivf. I think I’ll be ok to try naturally but I’d prefer to do ivf to have better chance rather than spend so much time trying on our own when I’m 36 with endo & hubby 44. I guess we will wait & see what happens. X
its always the way isn't it how everything goes wrong at the same time.
no you are not being selfish in how you feel. Its natural to feel like that when it seems everyone else gets pregnant easy and yet for you its hard to come by.
that must have been a shock getting that emergency referral and you must be terrified of what they might find. Hopefully it will be a false alarm but it plays on your mind though what if they find something and the unknown makes you anxious.
Oh bless you, what a difficult time you are having. I hope you have a similarly positive outcome from the further breast investigations, as @coracle did earlier this year. Much love to you at this horrid time xx
Don’t apologise, this is what this network is here for, the good, the bad and the ugly....I’m so sorry to hear of what you’ve had to endure already and I can only send positive thoughts to you at such a worrying and emotional time! Today is the start of a New Year and I hope 2018 brings you all that you could hope for. Hang on in there 😘 xx
I am so very sorry to hear this. Very best of luck for you emergency appointment, hopefully with the pain it will be a cyst.
You are absolutely right to share how you are feeling here, it is impossible to keep it all in and you have just been faced with another difficult obstacle.
I am very glad to hear it. Had a wobble myself the last few days but I’m determined today will be a better one! Thank you 😘
So sorry to hear about all you are going through. Be kind to yourself, and allow yourself to be sad - you're going through so much! I hope all turns out to be well with your lump. Sending you massive hugs xxx
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Struggling a bit 
Feel like I’m losing my mind today! 😢
Adenomyosis & IVF - a bloke in need of understanding and reading good news 
Made a complete fool out of myself 😭
