I got the dreaded call from the embryologist yesterday, telling me that the three embryos that I sent for PGT-A testing all came back abnormal. Think that’s the end of the road for me, in terms of using my own eggs. I cried so much yesterday, my eyelids were bulging when I went to sleep (v attractive).
The frustrating thing is, I still have lots of eggs rattling around down there. It’s just that they’re all crap quality. I got 16 eggs in my first cycle in May - 14 mature, and 13 fertilised. In my second cycle this month, we changed my protocol to try and get better-quality embryos - and I got 12 eggs, 11 mature, and 9 fertilised.
Alas, the 5 embryos that I sent for PGT-A testing over the two cycles all came back abnormal. The Universe is clearly trying to tell me something.
I could kick myself - really hard - for waiting until I was 44 to start IVF. I’ve spent my whole life focused on my career, when I should have been focusing on my private life. Such huge regrets.
My Mum keeps messaging me about donor eggs, but I really can’t face thinking about the future at the moment. I know it’s a route that I’ll follow eventually, but I think I just need to be sad for a few days about not having a genetic child of my own.
Anyway. Thanks for listening - I just needed to let it out x
Written by
Football61
To view profiles and participate in discussions please or .
Thanks so much for your kind message - and Happy Birthday ❤️. Agreed, it’s totally brutal. I walked past my sharps bin before I went to bed last night, and it made me want to weep. All those bloody injections for nothing. And to top it all off, I’ve got bloody acne as well! Wishing you all the best x
It wasn’t for nothing… if you hadn’t have tried you would spend a lifetime full of regret.
Once the sadness subsides, you will find strength to move forward. For now though I think it’s important to grieve for the loss you’re feeling. For me coming to terms with not becoming a mum with my own biological child is accepting that it is loss, talking to family, close friends maybe even a counsellor could be helpful.
Bless you, thanks. You’re right - at least I can look back and know that I gave it a good try. I hope you’re ok - this is such a tough road, and I can completely empathise with the feeling that we are paying the worst price for concentrating on our careers. My parents are the only ones who know that I’m doing IVF. None of my other family or friends know - which is probably making the whole process even tougher. I still have a counselling session from my clinic that I didn’t use, so think I might try and talk to her in the coming days. Thanks again ❤️
Hey, just wanted to say I'm sorry to hear your news, I was hoping that you'd get lucky. I'm in a similar position in that I produce similar egg numbers as you, but poor quality, same age, it sucks. 6 fresh cycles and similar results each time.
Were all the embryos you sent to test definitely out of the game with complex abnormalities or did you have any mosiacs etc?
Take time to let it out and when your ready the path will seem clearer and more hopeful again x
Hey, thanks for your kind message. Hope all good with you? The embryologist advised me not to send one of the embryos for PGT-A testing, but I insisted (desperate measures). That one came back with complex abnormalities. The other two each had one chromosome missing. They didn’t say that any of them were mosaics. It’s so upsetting, because she told me on Day 3 that they all looked “top quality”. My clinic doesn’t do Day 3 transfers, because their policy is: if it’s not going to make it to blastocyst in the lab, it’s not going to make it to blastocyst in your womb. I see so many women on this forum talk about Day 3 transfers, I have no idea whether my clinic follows the correct protocol or not 🤷🏻♀️. Guess it’s too late now x
Hey, I can feel your sadness and disappointment 😔 This IVF game is a real rollercoaster. Having great follicles and egg numbers I think I got addicted to the highs. Mine all looked great on day 3 too. My clinic don't like giving day 3 updates now as it can be misleading. There's no telling that the genetics aren't quite right, which is a statistical reality at our age.
The drs didn't explicitly tell me but having a second opinion at least one of my ovaries is polysystic to produce high numbers at this age. I don't have any symptoms and completely regular periods. If you had lots of smaller follicles below the main cohort, it might be the same for you too.
I really wouldn't beat yourself up over not having a day 3 transfer, I truly believe what the embryologist told you is right. People do get pregnant from day 3s, but I think that would be the case if the embryos were cultured to day 5 too.
Besides, in your case the embryos were abnormal, so if they had have been transferred it may have caused more heartache if they initially took when they weren't viable.
This process is full of what if and maybes, but you gave it your all and there's nothing you could have changed. It's so difficult not having control x
I'm so sorry lovely, I'm in a very different position to you in making lots of great embryos but none have implanted, so I can't completely understand what you are going through. But for what it's worth, please don't feel like it's been a waste of time. I think it's important that you have tried and given your all so you can feel that you did what you could. The emotional pain and rawness will settle over the next few weeks and then you'll feel in a better headspace to move forward. It took me a good few weeks after our last failed transfer to feel more positive and more myself again and more positive thinking about other options which for us may mean considering surrogacy.IVF is so horribly brutal, I hope you have lots of support and are able to enjoy other things in life outside IVF (that is what has kept me sane), and I really hope you start to feel more hopeful and positive soon about next steps for you xxx
Thanks so much for your kind message - I really appreciate it. I’m naturally a very determined and tenacious person. Usually when I want to achieve something (particularly at work) I keep on fighting and fighting until I get it done. But I guess that biology is a whole different ball game, and out of my control. My instinct might be to do a third, and a fourth, and a fifth cycle - but I would probably be on a hiding to nothing. The fact that I had 22 fertilised eggs, and none of them made it to Euploid, is definitely the Universe telling me something. I didn’t even know that egg donation existed until I started looking into IVF earlier this year - I thought that it was my eggs or nothing. And so I should be really grateful that I have that option open to me. Wishing you the very best of luck with your journey xxx
Yes similarly, I am a high achiever and in most areas of life achieved what I hoped to with hard work and effort. Unfortunately this is just completely out of our hands and unfair. Trying our absolute best is no guarantee to success which is so horribly frustrating. It's amazing you've had so many eggs but to have them all aneuploid must be so frustrating for you. I have heard of some women having all embryos in some cycles aneuploid and getting euploid ones in subsequent cycles, but there is no guarantee with any of this. Hopefully a follow up with your consultant will help you sift through the options and likelihood of success.I do believe that if we want a child it can be possible even if it's not in the exact way we had planned or hoped. Sending love xxx
Sending you lots of love Football61. Be gentle with yourself and please don't beat yourself up about putting your career first. You did what felt was right at the time.It might be worth asking the embryologist if some of your embryos were mosaic as my understanding is they can result in a healthy baby. Xx
I’m so sorry to hear this. I’m in the same boat. I was crushed at 40 when they told me that we couldn’t use my eggs that donor eggs was the only route. I just couldnt do it. Well 8 years later we decided to move forward to using donor eggs (age 48). Because I knew that baby would be mine. I would be the only mum they knew. But sadly at 48 and my health issues they told me I couldn’t carry the baby! So now we are at donor eggs plus a surrogate! Unfortunately our 1st transfer ended in a 6 week miscarriage. We are getting ready to start again.
I just wanted to good luck to you. And know if you have to use donor eggs… that will be your baby! And after years of trying, you will love them❤️ don’t give up! Don’t beat yourself up! Going through IVF, automatically makes you a trooper!
Thanks so much for your lovely message. And I’m so sorry to hear about the miscarriage - that’s awful. Wishing you all the luck in the world on your journey ❤️❤️
Is it possible to not PGT test but implant the embryos? I am not at your stage as I am single and only freezing eggs, but from what I have read....when you test it means they won't implant them if they don't "pass" their test. But what if you could not test and implant them and see what happens? Ignore me if I am wrong as admittedly not my area of expertise. So sorry to read such a sad post x
I could have chosen not to carry out PGT-A testing, but presumably the embryos wouldn’t have implanted/or I would have miscarried - as they were all abnormal. My clinic charges around £2.5k for a frozen embryo transfer, so I also figured that it was more cost-effective to send them for testing - rather than repeatedly paying for FETs that weren’t going to work.
It's an area I need to research more on....but do you think that there is no chance of it progressing if we implanted an abnormal one? I suppose an abnormality doesn't sound great, so it depends what it is, as if it was a disability some people would not want to go ahead.
I just wonder sometimes if they can say something is abnormal but maybe it isn't that bad? Above my pay grade....and miscarrying would be awful. But I am not sure if I would do testing or not
Hiya, with regards to embryo testing, unfortunately it is pretty conclusive in cases were there are missing or additional genes. There is a bit of research which shows that mosaic embryos may result in pregnancies if it turns out only a few cells are affected, but not for embryos classed as abnormal. A full complement of genes is required and that's established via genetic sequencing, which is 99.9% reliable.
Unfortunately we do all we can but this is very much out of our control at this point 😞
I am so sorry this happened.It is frustrating to know that in this 'numbers game', your numbers don't matter. I could see a parallel with my case, good number of eggs but poor number and quality of embryos. And now I am 40, it is an easy conclusion for the doctors. But I never understood why not even one single egg out of these dozens and dozens of eggs- even when I was trying to conceive naturally at 34- hasn't managed to produce a decent embryo enough to implant and result even in a chemical? Anyway I don't have any advice on how to proceed. I can see that your mum is trying to help but maybe not what you want to hear just now. Just take some time and be kind to yourself.
Ps. There's a lot to be said about women's reproductive age limit and the unfairness of it. I think that we should be taught about this very openly and that ivf isn't going to be a solution for everyone.
Thanks so much for your kind message, and I’m sorry to hear that you’re experiencing similar difficulties. It really sucks. I had a 4BB in this cycle, which I know isn’t the best grade - but it’s the best one I had so far. I couldn’t stop looking at its picture while I was waiting for my PGT-A results - it looked just perfect to me. I guess it just wasn’t meant to be. (Sorry, I sound like a right barrel of laughs!). I really hope it all works out for you - wishing you the best of luck xx
I can totally understand your disappointment and the need to grieve the loss of your genetics. We took the decision to move to donor eggs after our third cycle failed, as I was producing few eggs and only 1 embryo per cycle of poor quality, which was resulting in early miscarriages. We are still on our IVF journey, as I’ve also found out that I have some immune issues which are causing miscarriages and we’ve found someone who can treat that hopefully. Once you have had the chance to process and grieve, you might find the idea of donor eggs more appealing. It’s worth having a read about epigenetics and the influence/ability we have to turn on or off certain genes, when carrying a donor baby. Best of luck on your journey!
Thanks for your kind message, and I’m really sorry to hear about the difficulties that you’ve been facing. I think I’m 95% sure that I’m going to move to donor eggs (and I’m so grateful that I have that option). I think that I just need to be gloomy for a while, and then I’ll give myself a big kick up the bum and start looking into it. Wishing you the best of luck xx
I’m also older and am using donor eggs. I feel like I’m removing the added worry of my eggs being older and maybe not great quality. Feel free to pm me x
I’m so sorry to read this and can feel your pain. I’m in a very similar situation where all 4 embryos from my cycle last mth came back euploid. Proper sucker punch.
Try not to be too harsh on yourself for the decisions you made which may have prioritised your career. You did the best based on what you knew at the time.
I hope you’re able to take the time to process things and start to rebuild. Xx
Hi, I’m sorry you are going through this. I felt the same and it took me some time to move to DE. I recommend joining the Donor Conception Network and joining a zoom call for couples thinking about DE. It really helped me to talk to other people in the same position and also hear the story of the host who has two DE conceived children. I found it emotional but extremely helpful. There definitely is a grieving process but also a lot to look forward to xx
Yea that's brilliant advice. I did a zoom weekend workshop with DCN a few years ago, it was supportive and eye opening to all issues around using donor anything. When you are ready, it is a good network, so glad it exists.
Thanks so much. I actually had a quick peep at their website last night before I went to bed! Am going to start doing some proper research next week, after I’ve given myself a big kick up the bum x
Oh dear really sad to hear. But if you can start having some multivitamin and your egg quality could be good and try again. It’s not end of the word. Think differently and you can do differently my dear. I also just had whole cycle failed. Please start having proxeed and some well women tablets. Chnage diet. Etc.
Give your partner same tablets like proxeed wellmen omaga 3 tablets fish oil tablets. Specially blueberries 🫐 add in diet. Could make some difference . Please tray and give one chance more .
Thanks, but I think I probably did everything I possibly could (and I don’t have a partner). I overhauled my diet since the beginning of the year. I was on DHEA for months. I took Growth Hormone for 6 weeks. I took v expensive Ubiquinol for months, as well as Folate, Levothyroxine and Vitamin D. I had 22 fertilised eggs, and not one of them was Euploid - I’m not sure that giving it another go will make much difference (I spent £12.5k per cycle, so I unfortunately don’t have much more money to spend! Should probably save it for donor eggs - which will give me a much more realistic chance).
I’m in a very similar place but am 43 and turning 44 early next year. I started late as got married late (at almost 38yrs) and I know that can’t be helped but I kick myself for not meeting someone sooner. I also hate myself for letting my husband convince me we should try naturally just because he was scared of IVF despite me knowing that post 35yrs it becomes difficult with egg quality. There definitely needs to be more education to all women about this as despite being aware I was not doing IVF so never had a DR tell me in such blunt fashion so never truly processed that information!
I’m totally determined and tenacious like you and once I had two natural conception miscarriages (aged 39 and aged 41 -the latter was at 11 weeks) I said to my husband we’re doing IVF.
Starting the journey at 42 (last year is not great, you’re late in the day and Consultants look at you with woeful eyes! )
But I had one IVF/ICSI cycle last year which was the only one that was half decent compared to the rest this year. Last year 2 eggs fertilised but only 1 survived ICSI (4BC) but PGTA showed it was Aneuploid. Heartbreaking waiting for embryology. I didn’t give up and gave it another go early this year but the consultant didn’t like the 2nd cycle only 1 follicle not 3 as before. She started talking about egg donation just before my trigger shot! Let’s just say it didn’t end well.., I ovulated early so no egg collection and I decided to not see that consultant again.
Changed clinics and did a 3rd cycle in June and no luck.. 2 follicles but consultant found no eggs at egg collection. Absolutely heartbreaking.
I’ve thought long and hard and feel like giving up but I am going to look at another cycle because I have spoken to another few consultants and attended open evenings and many have said at my age doing standard IVF was not the right approach and that mild stimulation is much better to produce better quality eggs and that clinics had used standard maximum dosage IVF Stims which is typical for younger women so you get many many’s eggs and they make it a numbers game but that wasn’t appropriate for my circumstances and they should look for quality not quantity! I felt very angry when I heard this and I deliberately didn’t tell all these consultants what my history was so there was no bias to get me in to do mild ivf for the sake of it!
There is big debate and conflict amongst IVF consultants about this area and some do rubbish Mild Stims whereas in Europe it’s much more researched and taken as more of an appropriate option for low ovarian reserve or for older women.
I am note sure what kind of stimulation you had in your cycles? but if this applies to you then do consider it. I’m trying to find a new clinic to give this last chance of mild Stims protocol to see if that helps in anyway before I also go through grieving process and consider DE.
DM me if you need
Sending lots of hugs xxx
and sorry for the long post! I too haven’t told anyone but my family about IVF too so it’s a big weight on our shoulders to carry
Thanks so much for your kind message, and I’m really sorry to hear about the difficulties that you have faced. I really admire your fight and determination…you sound like a proper warrior. I really hope it works out for you.
I also did some reading about mild IVF and asked my consultant during my first cycle whether my protocol qualified as “mild” - and he said yes. I’m no expert, so I had to take him at his word. During my two cycles, I was on a mixture of Meriofert, Pergoveris and Gonal F (plus Fyremadel) - but I was never on a dosage higher than 150iu or 100iu.
I’m really in two minds. On the one hand, I’m unbelievably grateful that I’m still producing a good number of eggs at 44, and responding so well to the stims. It makes me wonder whether I should do a third (and maybe even a fourth or fifth) cycle - in the hope that I will find that one precious Euploid. On the other hand, the fact that I have had 22 fertilised eggs - and not a single Euploid - makes me think that I am on a hiding to nothing. I’m going to be 45 in four months; I think my ship has probably sailed. I did the cycles pretty much back-to-back (and alone). The first one was fine, but I found the second cycle to be physically and emotionally draining (not to mention financially draining - both cycles have set me back £25k). The thought of waiting for those dreaded calls from the embryologist again fills me with horror. The whole thing is bloody brutal.
Thanks again for your kind message, and wishing you all the luck in the world ❤️
Oh I’m so sorry that is so difficult to cope with. It does sound like you were on mild Stims? I’m assuming when u say you were on no more than 150iu or 100iu you mean that as a total dosage for all the Stims meds combined?
With such good numbers of eggs and fertilisation rates it’s so heartbreaking for you! I’d be a wreck and I really like to problem solve things so it’s hard to let go as part of me thinks what will give us the edge to improve that quality? The other part says your age is the culprit so stop day dreaming something you can’t change!
Then Sometimes I come across Celebs that had children late and that really convinced me that there are lots of variables and it can happen. Recently I saw that Serena Williams just had a baby and she turns 42 real soon! Also Janet Jackson gave birth at 50!
I know it sounds crazy but can drs actually explain all this! I feel there is more scope to improve egg quality but that doesn’t bode well for IVF consultants hence less research invested in it.
I’m sorry you had to go through all this devastation and I hope whatever you choose it starts a better and more successful outcome xx
Hi. Yep, I took Co-Q10 before my first cycle, and then I took Ubiquinol (which is the pure form of Co-Q10 - and bloody expensive!) ahead of my second cycle. I also took DHEA and injected a Growth Hormone for 6 weeks during my second cycle. Also ate loads of wholegrain, berries, etc. All to no avail, unfortunately 🤷🏻♀️ x
Then you've really tried all the supplements. The other stuff would be avoiding smoking, alcohol, caffeine, no staying up late nights, exercise, dressing warmly ( no baring midriff). Some people suggest acupuncture, I don't know if it really works. Or maybe change clinics?xx
Sorry to hear about your journey, it’s bloody hard. I’m in a slightly different but similar situation - good AMH, good egg numbers and make good embryos but they don’t implant due to egg quality. I’m 43.
It really helped me to move on to using double donor when my FS told me straight that at my age the success rate is 1-2%.
before that I was wanting to hang on to the idea of using my own eggs but I’m not getting any younger and those odds don’t stack up for me. We already use a sperm donor so it was an easier leap. I did grieve the use of my own eggs and went through a dark patch and explored the weird and wonderful treatments such as PRP but then decided to go for a donor. I had also thrown all the supplements at it so wasn’t much left to try other than multiple expensive rounds with no guarantee.
I’m really comfortable now and know a donor child is no different once they arrive. I have a son from my eggs and donor sperm and he’s so like my husband in so many ways.
Content on HealthUnlocked does not replace the relationship between you and doctors or other healthcare professionals nor the advice you receive from them.
Never delay seeking advice or dialling emergency services because of something that you have read on HealthUnlocked.
Only 2 embryos. Need help to make a decision pls!
Plan B...donor eggs 😢
