Best friend now pregnant.

[Nat246]

One of my best friends just told me she’s pregnant and she wasn’t even trying.

Now in tears. Not in jealousy or anything, just at how easy some people have it and how unfair it all is.

I feel like I can’t take much more.

[Sunshine92]

I know how you feel 😔 my best friend told me she was pregnant the day i started my period before starting my second ivf cycle. She’d been trying a month. I was expecting it but it still gutted me.

Fortunately my second round worked and i am in the very very early stages of pregnancy where anything is possible still. Shes 10 weeks now, and when i last spoke to her the weekend she told me how relaxed she is, how her family weren’t excited because they ‘expected it’ and how shes so relaxed.

It absolutely gutted me again. That for most women getting pregnant is just a ‘given’ here i am barely sleeping with worry until my viability scan, spending a small fortune on pregnancy tests and shes just so relaxed. Its so not fair 😔 xx

[Nat246 in reply to Sunshine92]

Congratulations on second round working. Do you mind me asking if they did anything differently? I’ve just had my first round and it failed and not sure what happens now.

Yeah the fact it’s a given for most people is crushing xx

[Sunshine92 in reply to Nat246]

We had to go private second round as only had 1 go on NHS. So, different clinic.

Short protocol which was the same. They upped stim dose from 150 menopur first round to 225 menopur second round to get more eggs. I got 8 eggs first round and 19 this round. I also had a 2 day transfer first round and a 5day blastocyst transfer this round, so a few changes.

I remember feeling like the world had ended after my first round failed. Take your time to grieve but you WILL get through this.

Sending lots of love xxx

[Nat246 in reply to Sunshine92]

Thanks to much for sharing. I’m in the same boat. That was the one NHS round and now private. I also got 8 eggs first time so will push for higher dose xx

[Sunshine92]

Oh and more progesterone support! I was on x2 cyclogest pessaries first round, this time im on x3 utrogestan pessaries and a lubion injection daily xx

[Hidden]

It's always a right smack in the face when that happens even if you had an idea it would be soon.

[MontsJ]

This is a gutting feeling I know too well. My best friend who is in Australia started her second back to back IVF cycle at the same time as my third cycle in 8 months. I knew before she even started that she would have success before I did, but preparing myself didn’t help that devastating feeling when she got her BFP on the same day I had egg collection and got the call to say both eggs were immature and couldn’t be fertilised. Things haven’t been the same since between us, contact from her is now very sparse, I know she just doesn’t really know what to say. She has had her viability scan and all is well, and I am here again on my own with no possibility of another cycle until god knows when. At 39 with a very low AMH it may well spell the end of my chance of having a biological child.

I know how you are feeling, just another aspect of how shit infertility really is...

[Nat246 in reply to MontsJ]

Sorry to hear your third cycle didn’t work. Are you going to try again when we can?

I am worried this will damage our friendship which I really don’t want after 13 years being very close. I have warned her I won’t react the same way as other people because me sadness is stronger than any happiness I’ll feel for her and she gets that. But we’ll have to see if she still gets that months down the line!

[MontsJ in reply to Nat246]

Yes absolutely going to try again when we are able to.

The counsellor I have had a couple of sessions with talks about how in this journey we are in there will be times when the people we have always looked to for support aren’t the best people to lean on in those hard times. I struggle with this. I don’t know the perfect answer, someone in the friendship has to put aside their feelings and understand the other person’s feelings. This is incredibly hard. All I want is for my friend to call me, and a months after collection she still can’t bring herself to do that. I don’t want to have to tell her this, she should just get it. I really don’t know. I’m still not sure how our friendship will come out the other side unchanged right now...

[Nat246 in reply to MontsJ]

Good, let’s try to stay positive next time will work for us!

So true. Unfortunately it feels like most people you’d normally turn to aren’t really much support, so you end up feeling very alone. I think I have one friend who has actually bothered with me during this. All it takes is a message. Do you have other friends who have been there?

[MontsJ in reply to Nat246]

Yes a couple of friends check on me time to time. I have made a few connections through my local fertility network UK support group, they are the most understanding.

You’re not alone, just remember that. Very easy to forget this!

[Milly2408]

I also know how you feel, it gets to me when people keep announcing their pregnancies. The people who get pregnant on their first try etc.

Meanwhile me and my boyfriend have been trying now for over a year and nothing...absolutely nothing.

Just so unfair. But your feelings are absolutely valid and normal, wishing you the best of luck with conceiving!

[Corchi]

After the hardship of trying to get pregnant the second hardest is when someone really close to us like a sister or best friend gets pregnant naturally and easily even. The guilt of not being happy and feeling jealous also kicks in and it is a strong tough feeling and a heavy burden. Please do not feel bad. Your feelings are totally normal. Totally human