Hi all, this post is kind of IVF related, how to deal with grief whilst undergoing IVF? Sadly we had to say goodbye yesterday to our 17 year old cat Sabrina and I am devastated,she had been really poorly for a week so we had to make the heart breaking decision to let her go yesterday,she was the most beautiful cat and she was always there for me and helped me through my.previous MMC and chemical pregnancies and she was very happy for me to be her mommy,im missing her terribly.
I have been working with a nutritionist to get ready for my 6th cycle begin of April and she said one of the changes I should try to make is to deal with stress,(which is largely work related) and was having an impact on my immune system and I was doing so well but now im really worried that my grief will have an impact on this. How do you cope with this grief? Xx
Hi Clairenix, I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your cat. I had to say goodbye to my beloved Cat after I underwent fertility treatment. He was very young and it was very traumatic and his loss was very hard to come to terms with. I completely understand how much our fur babies mean to us, especially going through this path. My cats really did keep me going through the dark times and losing him broke my heart (and still does, not a moment goes by where I don't think of him). It had such an impact on my other cat and it was so hard to see her grieving for his loss too. In all honesty, for me it was time. I did suffer with PND and I truly believe his death contributed. I did try and give myself little things to look forward to, even if it was a meal out with my husband or a day shopping with mum. Please do feel free to PM me if you need a chat, my inbox is always open ♥️
Hi Poppy,so sorry to hear that you have also been through a loss of your fur baby and it must have been even more traumatic that he was still young and must have been hard to see your other cat upset,cats I really sensitive creatures. Right now I just feel lost without her as she gave us so much love, thankyou for the offer of my keeping in touch and I will do xx
Take care lovely, losing an animal is so difficult, whatever the circumstances. Our fur babies are family members and they give us so much love. I still feel lost without our Obi bless his heart. We have always had cats in our family and it it never gets any easier when we have to say goodbye. It will take time, but eventually things will settle and you will feel at peace. Until then, take time to grieve and look after yourself. Give yourself little things to look forward to. Wishing you all the best with your next treatment ♥️💕♥️
I’m so sorry to hear about your cat. My dog really helped me through the years of ivf. She was ill this weekend and I was so worried about her. As for the stress, it’s not ideal but not likely to alter the outcome. My dad died suddenly 3 weeks before my transfer which resulted in Luna. It was incredibly stressful as I had to rush back from New Zealand. Hope the next round is the one for you. X
She is nearly one which is crazy. A complete bundle of mischief but I’m grateful every day.
It was awful that my dad never knew that I was pregnant let alone meet Luna. My mum died when I was 15 so it’s really hard with no grandparents on my side.
Im so sorry that must be really difficult for you.
Glad to hear that Luna is giving you so much joy and that your dog is doing well xx
I am so sorry for your loss, these animals really are part of us.
I don't think there is an answer to grief sadly, I think it something you just have to work through in your own time. But I did want to reassure you that I don't think it will necessarily impact you like stress does, in that its a very different emotion and has different hormones attached. The stress we need to reduce is that 'fight or flight' hormone and I can't see that being associated with grief... so whilst I am not a doctor I wanted to reassure you that I dont think you should stress about stress if you see what I mean, I think you should give yourself some TLC and grieve however you want to.
I am sure I will get slated for saying this, but when I was growing up I was always told that when someone dies its to make room for someone else on the planet. I know logistically thats not actually true or else population rates etc wouldn't grow. But my grannie died the day my sister had her 12 week scan and we always feel like she made way for my now nephew, I am so sorry for your loss but hope this is maybe the sign of a successful round for you xx
in reply to
Hi Daisy,how is everything with you?
Thankyou for your reassuring message and it makes sense about the grief releasing different hormones, I have also been an emotional person and do really let my feelings out.
Its really sad that you lost your gran whilst your sister was expecting but its a lovely way of thinking about things and I hope your right that our next transfer,we have always said that we can't imagine a house without a pet so when the time is right we will look to give a rescue cat/cats a loving home xxx
💔 💔 Im so sorry Claire! I havent had a pet for a long time but I know how heart breaking its is....they are just an extended part of your family and probably even more so when we dont have kids. Thinking of you.xxx
I’m so sorrry for your loss💔 having a dog myself and I’m definitely very attached to him, he is my first baby! with all we’ve been through he is for sure the joy in my life.
I have no advice just sending lots of love your way, I do hope ET goes well for you and we hear great news next time.
Thankyou for your message,I do really appreciate the love your are sending my way,its just nice to be in touch with people that understand what its like to go through IVF but also understand how animals support us through our darkest days xx
Oh no, I’m truly sorry to hear that! I have two cats and when I was pregnant and then had a mmc, one of them in particular was so close to me all the time. Even now she is my shadow. I love both of them as if they are my children, honestly. I can’t imagine how hard that must be 💔 In regard to your stress I was Manager of a big nursery school and I could feel that job was not helping me, I was so stressed all the time that I decided to quit. I’m lucky to be in the position of taking a break from work, I only did some dog walking during the last 5 months to keep myself active and earn some cash. If it’s toxic, you should quit. I’m sure there are so many women who have a stressful life for a reason or another and manage to have children. My cats are very young but sometimes I think about how heartbreaking it would be if they passed away, I would get a new kitten straight away, I’m sure that would help to fill the void. I wish you all the success on your ivf journey x
Thankyou for your message,cats are so intuitive,people who say that cats aren't loyal must never have been a mommy to a cat.
I must admit even though my job is stressful I do love it,I get to work from home and my Managers have been supportive of me going through IVF I just need to learn to deal with the stress better,we have to work to a lot of deadlines,unfortunately I earn more than my oh so if I quit we wouldn't be able to afford IVF.
I think in time we will look to get a rescue cat as I cant imagine not having a little furry face around the house. What a lovely job you have walking dogs,I am also a big fan of dogs xx
This made me tear up 😔💔 I'm so sorry for the loss of your sweet little cat. What a good age she reached under your loving care and you couldn't have done anything more. Must have been terrible for you xxx
I have two cats myself and they are definitely my substitute babies. They are so affectionate I think and such a support, people don't realise how loving cats are. I think you should give yourself time to grieve and process things.
Thankyou so much for your message.its really nice to hear from people that totally understand what im going through. I think people that don't have pet's don't understand the bond between us and I do definitely think that relationship is different when you see them as your baby and she slept in the middle of me and my oh!!I thought I would chicken out of being with her when she was in her last moments but we didn't want her to be scared and we wanted her to know she was truly loved right up until the end xxx
Also I always think cats have no concept of death like us so for her she lived a wonderful worry free life filled with a forever of being loved and then went to sleep 💕 😘😘
I’m so sorry to read about the loss of your dear cat Clairenix. You must be heartbroken 💔. We have a rescue cat Mabel that has seen me through some of my darkest times during our IVF journey. I would be lost without her as she provides so much comfort (and is blatantly my substitute baby!) . So I can only imagine how devastated you must be right now. So I just wanted to send you love and hugs ❤️❤️❤️. Like others have said it is important to grieve your sad loss. I’m so sorry that it has come during treatment, but I do not think that it should affect the outcome of your transfer so try not to worry about that. It’s just horrible timing! Wishing you the best of luck and got everything crossed for you that you have some good news to share with us very soon xxx
Thankyou so much Picalilli,its so nice to hear from others that truly understand how much a little animals give to us and how they pull us through. We were so lucky to have had nearly 17years with her and selfishly I wanted her to live forever,she really was one in a million,I just keep having to think about our happy times but its difficult right now,I work from home and I never felt lonely because she was always by my side or on my lap. We had said in the past that we would want to give a loving home to a rescue cat because they deserve a good loving home xxx
Aww yes definitely focus on the good times you have had with her and the fact that she had such a long and happy life with you. Perhaps you could make one of those photobooks or something. In case you thought about it for the future I would definitely recommend a rescue cat. Ours was petrified when we first got her bless her, she hid behind the sofa for almost a week - god knows what had happened to her before she was rescued! It took her time to build trust but she is now the most loving cat ever, similar to Sabrina always wanting to be on your lap or next to the laptop ❤️. My husband used to absolutely hate cats and it took me about 7 years to wear him down to let us get one! Now he absolutely adores her! 🤣 I had always found getting another cat after one has passed away difficult. I think I felt guilty that I was ‘replacing‘ them. But it felt nice being able to give a rescue cat a home (although I wanted to take them all home!) xxx
That's lovely that you have given a rescue cat a lovely home,its lovely to see how our oh's are around them, mine isn't very emotional but I've really seen a different side to him over Sabrina and its the first time ive seen him really cry and show his vulnerable side, he became her daddy when she was 10 and think it was love at first sight for both of them. I do have an album on my phone dedicated to her so when its less raw I will put together a phonebook and I will feel a bit better once we get her ashes back.
When the time is right we will look at getting a pair from a rescue centre because we want to be able to provide a loving home xx
I'm so sorry about the loss of your beautiful pet. I've never had cats, but we have a 5 year old dog that we rescued and I honestly cannot imagine not having her around. She is always here when I get home from a bad day, seen me through 3x miscarriages and just makes me smile on the darkest of days. Sounds like you have your cat an amazing life right up to the last minute and I'm sure she knew how much you loved her. Try and remember all the good times with her and she's still with you now I'm sure.
Good luck for your next transfer, I'm sure it won't effect things it's just really horrible timing.
Thankyou for your message,that's lovely that you rescued an old dog and sounds like you to are giving her a lovely home too. They really do help us through the bad times and it will be tough not having her around but I have to keep reminding myself that she is no longer in any pain xx
I’m so sorry for your loss Clairenix, I know what a huge support my dogs have been for me throughout the IVF process and my heart breaks for you to lose your loyal companion. I’m sure Sabrina knew how loved she was.
Grief is hard and the only thing that makes it easier is time. April is still a way off at the moment so I would just take it one day at a time and decide whether you feel ready nearer the time. Sending you a big hug xxx
Hi KiboXX,thankyou for your message. Sabrina really was a special lady,we spoilt her rotten and she slept in the middle of us every night and always had to be in our company,im trying so hard to take one day and I've just got to try and concentrate on getting myself ready for my next transfer now! Xxx
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