New here....feeling overwhelmed

[HemBella]

Hello everyone

I'm new to this forum but everyone looks friendly and supportive, and in the UK too! I've been on forums previously that have just confused me, and I've never had the guts to post. Although this has been a hard journey I feel particularly overwhelmed at the moment - and I know its mostly hormonal!

Without boring you with all my life's details, a brief background.... I was married to my best friend and we'd always talked about the family we would one day have. He always had an excuse which delayed us starting and finally when I pinned him down 6 months before my 35th birthday he admitted that he didn't want a family and liked things just the way they were. Needless to say within the year my marriage was over as I just couldn't compromise on not having a family.

Anyway took me a few years to sort myself out and start again, and then at about 37 I went on a waiting list for a sperm donor as I decided to do it myself. Took nearly 1.5 years to find a donor and eventually last year at the age of 39 I could start. During the course of last year I had 3 unsuccessful IUIs. It was really hard, but then my consultant recommended the next option was IVF. I've since met a lovely man who knows that this is what I am doing, and is fully supportive. He's been amazing to be fair. But he had a vasectomy in his previous marriage so cant help me that way! So I'm still using my donor sperm that I waited so long for.

I'm currently at the end of my down-regging phase, been injecting Buserelin every morning and tomorrow I start with Meriofert to start with stimulating my ovaries. I'm a pretty tough cookie but the Buserelin is taking its toll and I really feel emotional. I'm still sad that this is how my baby journey is, I've never had the chance to try conceive naturally. But at the age of 40 I don't have time on my side. I'm really hoping that the Meriofert will start picking me up a bit as I just feel quite overwhelmed.

And although I am given so much information, its a matter of processing it all, nevermind remembering to ask questions! Can I exercise over the next couple of weeks while my ovaries are being stimulated? Assuming some eggs fertilise should I consider a fresh or a frozen/thawed transfer? Should I do genetic testing on the embryos? Do I opt for one or two embryo/ blastocyte transfers?

They are all such important decisions to make and I just don't know which way to turn.

The IUI's were emotionally hard and the medication took its physical toll, but I guess I just naively hadn't expected IVF to be as hard as it is!

Any hints and tips and personal experience recommendations would be very welcome

Thank you if you took the time to read this really long post!!! xxx

[ttcemmie]

Welcome! Sorry to hear you've had to wait so long to get to this point in your journey, but happy to hear your new partner is supportive. 😊 There ARE a lot of decisions to make! And it's hard when we're not medically trained, but everyone is different and so you have to make the best decisions for you. Hopefully your clinic will be able to guide you on how many to transfer etc. but people on here will have their own opinions! Remember, you can always give your clinic a call with any questions too or write them down to take in to your next appointment! It's a mentally, emotionally, and physically tough journey and I definitely didn't appreciate that before starting on this path! Best of luck. xxxxxxx

[HemBella in reply to ttcemmie]

Thank you. It’s just so helpful knowing that there are other people on similar journeys. I keep telling myself that at least it’s happening now so I’m doing everything I can. Xxx

[Judy18]

Hey HemBella,

This forum has been a god send and so pleased you have found someone so supportive.

In answer to some of your questions i was told only gentle exercise as you may twist an ovary (ouch). To be honest i was so uncomfortable i did nada! I think the clinic can advise on fresh or frozen transfer. Need to think about ohss which clinic should monitor. My clinic didn’t so testing and as i am nhs could only do one embryo transfer the first time (they look at multiples later).

Hope that was helpful. Wishing you loads of luck xxx

[HemBella in reply to Judy18]

Hi Judy18

Thank you for replying. Already I feel so supported by this forum.

I normally do quite intensive exercise and I’d thought perhaps it would be good to keep focus on that as a distraction. But you’re right about OHSS and thats something to consider. I have a scan a week today to check the progress and then every 2nd day from then until the egg retrieval.

So I guess I’ll just have to see what I physically feel like doing and not jump too far ahead!

Xxx

[KiboXX]

Hi HemBella,

Just wanted to say Buserlin is an absolute bitch! It makes you feel awful, angry and emotional, just an absolute rollercoaster. I have many funny (now, not at the time!) stories of my behaviour on buserlin 😳😂

It will get better once you start your stims and the dose gets lowered!

I’ve always been told to lay off exercise other than walking during stimulation as you ovaries get quite enlarged. Wishing you all the best of luck xxx

[HemBella in reply to KiboXX]

Thank you KiboXX, that’s really useful. At least I know I’m not going crazy!

Looks like I may have to peel back the exercise

[CLDxxx]

Hi Hembella,

Welcome ☺️

I asked my consultant if I could exercise and he said in a couple of days you will not want to 😂 that’s because the follicles would be even bigger! So just some light walking for now 😊

Good on you for taking this step. It’s a big decision and one you won’t regret. I’m doing this alone with a sperm donor and the relief I have felt from taking control of my life is something else! It’s not been easy but I’m due to have my transfer next week and just can’t wait.

I think transfer 2 if you can 🥰

Wishing you lots of luck. We are all here for you xxx

[HemBella in reply to CLDxxx]

Thank you CLDxxx

I know exactly what you mean about the relief of taking control of your life! I felt like that too.

Best of luck to you too 😘xxx

[CLDxxx in reply to HemBella]

Thank you 😘

[Hidden]

Hey, welcome! the others have answered most of your questions but I agree re the exercising, I typically cycle, horse ride and yoga but was told that even gentle yoga probably isnt worth the risk and I should just walk gently (whatever that means!) Also no heavy lifting etc. I get really annoyed I can't do any of it but just have to remind myself its for a few weeks and the end result of a BFP would be worth any sacrifice. As the others have said although I dont get loads of eggs but even without hundreds I still feel pretty uncomfortable and not in the mood for doing any of it by about day 7!

Re fresh versus frozen, different clinics have different recommendations. I think personally I would do my first round and see what the results were in terms of number fertilised etc because that often makes those sort of decisions for you. Clinics tend to react as you work through the cycle rather than making definitive recommendations on day one. For example I have never had enough to freeze so have always gone for fresh transfers.

Finally re the testing, I am close to 43 so have been reviewing with interest all of the additional tests that people on this forum have been investing in. My advice - and its just my personal opinion - is have a go with your round and see what happens. You have no idea what the outcome will be, and you can spend £1000s on additional tests but until you know what you are working with a lot of that could just be wasted money. I was advised not to bother with all of the additional tests I threw at my consultant for various reasons and just keep plodding along, I trust his advice but that is just me not you.

Anyway welcome to the roller coaster, I am sorry for the trauma you have been through. I met my partner later in life so am only now just trying for my 1st child in my 40s. There are loads of us on here who are a similar age for one reason and another, and loads who have had great success stories.

Oh and my clinic call Buserelin witches brew, I used it one cycle and HATED it

Masses of luck - sorry this has turned into an essay xx

[HemBella in reply to Hidden]

Thank you so much Daisy1245. I must admit that I am feeling more positive since I started the stims on Saturday and have reduced the Buserelin. And accepted that exercise is not something I can do.

Obviously like everyone here I really want this to work, and Im torn between throwing everything I can afford - for example the tests - in the hope that it will help on this round. vs just waiting to see what happens, but then who knows if this isnt successful there may be further rounds and I need to financially consider that.

I think as you say it will depend on what the clinic recommends as I go through the cycle.

Thank you for sharing your experience with me and best of luck to you xxx