Surrogacy

[hifer]

Hello all,

Just looking into options and would love to hear from people that have used a surrogate please (successfully or otherwise). I wouldn't even know where to start so any thoughts or advice would be appreciated.

Thank you

xx

[Sayusayme]

Hey dear

How are you?

Just curious to know what made to turn to surrogacy??

[hifer in reply to Sayusayme]

Hi there,

I haven't as yet. I'm just looking into all options so I can assess next steps

[Hidden]

Hello hifer as you probably know I am doing this cycle along with a surrogate.

I do not have issues getting pregnant naturally but I keep having miscarriages. 2 before 10 weeks, 4 around 12 -14 weeks.

My husband didn't want me to go through the pain again and suggested we use a surrogate, the initial plan before we started the process was to use only a surrogate but I thought to try too. I also figured if it worked for us both it will spare us the stress of trying to explain that we used a surrogate ( I live in Nigeria where that is still relatively new and misunderstood). Also if we can both get results that will be the end of baby making for us, so we decided to go all out.

The hospital got us the surrogate, they ran all the tests for eligibility on her, she is a lovely lady who already has a baby girl and had a very easy natural pregnancy.

So they started by down regulating us both so that our cycle can come in sync, then they started preparing me to get the eggs and her to receive the embryo.

Egg retrieval was difficult for me, but thankfully the pain eased before tranfer day. We got 22 eggs, 18 fertilized and 8 was graded good quality for transfer and freezing, so they transferred two to me and her respectively on the same day, less than an hour apart. We froze the remaining four

I can't say if it's a success yet, blood tests aren't till Wednesday although I already got a positive home test, she however hasn't tested yet.

I don't know what the process will be like in your country but here you can either source for your surrogate or the hospital does it for you. If you have any other questions I am happy to answer them.

[Afrohair in reply to Hidden]

sorry to interrupt but my partner is nigerian I’m English and was looking into this their is more availability of surrogates in Nigeria than the u.k wonder where I would stand if I asked for a surrogate to bring my baby back to England is it not possible?too many laws and expense I had recent misscarrige and Have a condition called endometriosis

[Hidden in reply to Afrohair]

I doubt that you will have any problems bringing your baby back. It's all legal from the start, you have sign a contract with the surrogate that states clearly that the baby is yours. If you will be using your eggs and all then it's even easier.

I suggest you speak to a lawyer but I am sure it won't be a problem taking your baby with you.

[Afrohair in reply to Hidden]

Thankyou for that and the surrogate is it expensive there? can you private message me with costs as a guide and which hospital you use ?my partner is going to nigeria next week I want him to investigate more on this issue x

[Cici85 in reply to Afrohair]

Hidden and Afrohair just to add, my sister in law had triplets through surrogacy in Nigeria. It’s been 3 years and bringing them over to the uk is a problem. She has involved a lawyer, hopefully this year I believe it will work out.

Like @Alidees said make sure you involve a legal team from the beginning to avoid stories😁

[Afrohair in reply to Cici85]

Oh that’s awful!what happend p.m me

[hifer in reply to Hidden]

I did know you were using a surrogate yes and keeping everything crossed for you. I'm so sorry that you have had so many miscarriages. It's just so tough! Thank you so much for sharing your experience. I guess really I would be looking in the UK but know that it's slightly harder here. Keeping all my fingers crossed for both you and your surrogate and thanks once again for providing such a comprehensive reply. xx

[DianeArnold Partner Nurse Fertility Network UK]

Hi hifer. You might also have a look at surrogacyuk.org for further information. Good luck! Diane

[hifer in reply to DianeArnold]

Thanks Diane. I did have a look at that, thank you. Just wanted to hear from personal experiences too so I could cover all bases!! x

[Fingerscrossed38]

I have explored this a tiny bit and a nurse at my clinic used to be high up with surrogacy uk.

She told me it's difficult to go through surrogacy here due to outdated laws. You can't advertise for or pay a surrogate and surrogates can't advertise their services. So, it's difficult to find a surrogate unless you know someone willing to do it for you.

There are organisations and "secret" groups where surrogates and their the couples needing them can meet but there is a big shortage of surrogates here in the UK.

Also the surrogate has all the parental rights and you have no legal ownership of the baby for up to 6 months (even if it's your embryo!) Then you have to have a parental order to sign your baby back to you. The surrogate can change her mind at any time before then and the baby is legally hers even if you've had something legal written up it's not worth the paper it's written on.

Apparently only America (extremely expensive) and Ukraine are the only places these days to allow surrogacy but you can't take your frozen embryos from the UK overseas so you'd have to do another retrieval over there if you want to use your own eggs. I'm not sure how easy it is to bring baby back to UK.

It's really a shame things are so difficult here.

Best of luck with it all 🍀

[Afrohair in reply to Fingerscrossed38]

That’s awful I looked into it too and it’s hard to surrogate in the u.k and not many willing people that’s why I started looking abroad and it’s more open but then theirs issues with laws and like you said the surrogate can change their mind

[hifer]

Thank you. I knew some of what you said but didn’t realise quite how difficult it was (or lack of rights despite legal docs). Thanks re info on America too. I wish we could afford IVF in the States! Even my consultant in London said it’s by far the best. Sadly we can’t! Just researching everything at the mo so we can get informed for next steps after failed cycle. Xx

[hifer]

Gosh I didn't know that. Thanks a lot for the tip and many congrats on your pregnancy. I will have a look at the agency xx

[Afrohair in reply to hifer]

Why was this reply deleted

[Cinderella5 in reply to Afrohair]

It was spam advertising!xx

[Afrohair in reply to Cinderella5]

Ok thankyou x

[hifer]

Stop praying on vulnerable people going through IVF to tout for business. Shame on you.

[Lillilly]

This treatment you’re talking about is banned in most countries for a reason. Unless you have mitochondrial disease, there’s no reason anyone should be looking at this treatment as the risks are too high and there’s already evidence that suggests children born from this method are developing health problems. The fact that it’s in the Ukraine where there’s a severe lack of medical and ethical regulation in the field of ART is also quite telling. There’s plenty of evidence and articles on the dangers of this treatment and how women are being exploited into paying for what is essentially human experimentation.