Surrogacy options - help needed

[Bistbee]

Following on my from my last post (7th ivf failed) one other option we’re tentatively considering is looking into surrogacy. At the moment, I feel totally exhausted about the prospect of having to research and understand the process, and coming to terms with the fact this might be our path, not to mention the time it can take to find a surrogate plus the cost - on top of all we’ve gone through so far this just feels like the biggest mountain to climb!

But I do know it’s a path others have taken and so am just wanted to connect to others who have chosen this path to find out about their experiences and reasons for choosing surrogacy. I’m sure the mountain of questions going round and round in my head can be answered. We’re based in the U.K so preference would be to keep it local, the thought of international surrogacy feels a step too far at this stage.

Thanks in advance for any information or experiences you can share ❤️

[HemBella]

Hi Bistbee

I havent got any answers but Im in the same situation. I was (and I think I still am) a bit shellshocked when my consultant suggested I consider surrogacy. The bit of looking around Ive done just looks so expensive and I looked at forum that wanted to charge £1000 just to join it!

But it must be an accessible option somehow.....

Hope you find some answers soon xx

[Bistbee in reply to HemBella]

Thank you for replying. Gah yeh the potential cost of it all feels like such a barrier, especially after we’ve already done 6 cycles of private treatment- i’ve forgotten what it feels like to actually have savings that don’t instantly get spent on treatment !!

I just looked at Surrogacy UK as that’s a charity my counsellor had mentioned and I can see that’s where you have to pay £1k to join! Like absolutely fuck off!! It’s hard not to feel like

all of this is just a money making exercise targeting incredibly vulnerable and desperate people 😩

Really hope you are able to find a way forward too. I get so angry sometimes that we have to spend all this effort on working out alternatives for ourselves on top of actually enduring the treatment x

[KDA0510]

Hi Bistbee - I can totally feel your pain. Though I have been lucky enough to experience positive pregnancy tests / pregnancy, they’ve either resulted in a chemical pregnancy or miscarriage. We are back at square one with no more embryos left so are considering so many options; donor egg, embryo adoption and even surrogacy. As I have Adenomyosis, there’s a higher risk of miscarriage / implantation failure so we are researching surrogacy atm.

I’m not sure if you have Instagram but there are a lot of surrogacy accounts that have a wealth of knowledge. Check out:

@ theeggandspermrace (overseas surrogacy)

@ givingthegreatest (journey from U.K. surrogates pov)

@ kreenadhiman (journey from lady who used gestational carrier for both pregnancies)

Hope that helps xx

[Bistbee]

Amazing thank you so much. I must admit i’ve been keeping away from IG lately as finding it really hard to see people moving on from the ivf club after fewer cycles than we’ve endured (it’s hard not to compare!) but i think i’ll need to hop back on to start engaging with the surrogacy community.

I’m so so sorry you’ve had to endure all of that, it’s heartbreaking. Sending all the love and strength for you to be able to find your path forward through all of this xxxx

[KDA0510 in reply to Bistbee]

Oh I totally understand I had to create a new Instagram account as 75% of all the people I followed from my original account have had their baby, some have had their second and third. It’s so tough feeling so left behind 😞 x

[KDA0510]

I should add - I’m actually meeting up with a lady who is also using a gestational carrier just to get an idea of the process / cost etc, she was matched via a Facebook group! I’ll try to remember to put an update post following my chat with her x

[Topcat2388]

Hi bistbee if your on Facebook join a group called missing piece it’s not an agency but can give you help and support with surrogacy Wishing you all the best

[Kaja2]

It's been a while, so I don't know if you've solved your problem. I know a Ukrainian clinic that has a representative office in London, so it is possible to do the surrogacy procedure remotely. They will help you send your biomaterial to Ukraine, after that they will do the transfer and at the end of the pregnancy the surrogate mom will come to you in UK to give birth. I'm not sure I can tell you the name of the clinic here, but it might be helpful for you to know the name of the doctor. Dr. Feskov works there.