Just wanted to share how I feel today since i don't want to speak to my partner who thinks i am too dramatic- men... In the morning I found out i didn't get a job I really wanted and my whole day was ruined. I am reading a book called Mind power and I tried practicing some of the methods they are recommending but they didn't work...surprise- surprise. Also my period should start in the next 3-4 days and I feel extra sensitive, hopeless, tired, cramps, headaches...Bad PMS as usual...I am trying to stay busy and do stuff at all times because I want to forget about my infertility issues but nothing seems to help. It feels like I'm not good enough.
I should have my first FET during this cycle and I am very very scared. I don't know how to put my mind to rest. I am constantly reading stories of ladies going through their 2ww and BFN results, I researched about the successful rates of the IVF/ICSI on 1st try and the figures were bad... I feel hopeless and i don't know what to expect, what to do and how to feel happy and alive again. I have been unhappy for over an year now and the infertility has been killing me mentally and physically, nothing really makes me feel complete. I need to believe things will work out from the 1st time and I don't want to suffer anymore.
Sorry for the negative post...
Written by
Bubunoto
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I wish there were guarantees with ivf but .... unfortunately there are not.😔 Maybe you should take a breather before doing your next cycle. 💐
What have you tried to improve your wellbeing?
Have you had counselling? I’ve had counselling and it has really helped but you have to be at the point where you want help or it will not really serve its purpose . Does your clinic offer counselling?
Sounds like you’ve had a lot of set backs which are mentally draining . Do you need time to try and lift your mood? To spend time on yourself? And get into a better place? Have you spoken to your gp? My gp was wonderful when I truly said how I felt . She put me down for counselling and recommended a book etc . It all helped.
Sometime doing things to try to make ourselves feel better just doesn’t work and we need to speak properly to someone outside our situation .
The best thing you can do right now is sit down and acknowledge how you feel and go get yourself some help. Ivf is horrendously intense and stressful when you’re semi positive .
Thank you for the kind words Rhino! I don't know if talking to someone will make me feel better tbh. I really don't want to share details of my mental health with my GP, not sure if that's a good idea. I think our clinic is offering counseling, i need to double check but as i said i am not ready yet. I feel like i can deal with it on my own. It is very confusing because people are saying to be positive but when you do so and things go south the pain is 10 times worse. I feel like a failure...
I have been cancelling the transfer for 3 months now looking for excuses to not go ahead with it. Now, I feel like I am ready to do it but I am still scared. It's a very weird feeling.
I admire all ladies who somehow keep their cool during this horrible process.
I hope things are working out for you, Rhino! You seem like a very nice person and you deserve to be a mommy
Listen , there is no one way to do this journey well . We are all different and try our own way to ‘survive’ as best we can . 💐
I would also say that not one woman on this wLl would admit to keeping their cool all of the time ?
I lost my sh£@ at 2am this morning when I had bad cramps and thought Aunt Flo was coming. ( hate how that cow shows up uninvited and rains on my parades !) 🤣
It’s ok to be scared.
IVF is scary, we have no control over anything except the time we take a tablet or an injection. It’s also unfair, painful, embarrassing , unpleasant, painful . ( few of my own feelings) 🤯😔
None of us are failures. It just IS WHAT IT IS.
Failure, would be ......to not even try .💖
If you had a sore rib you would go to the gp right?
If you had a chest infection you would go the gp right?
It’s hard to admit this journey is hard , but IT IS.
You will be surprised by how much a good GP will understand, but you have to tell them how you feel. I felt immediately like a weight was off my shoulders when I did. Takes a stronger person the stand up and ask for help 😘 asking for help is not weakness, and even if you feel it is?
Do it anyway ,
for your own sake.
Dear love your heart, it’s ok to feel absolutely heartbroken by it all. Let those feelings out and try to move on. It’s not pleasant but important to ‘feel so you can heal’. I learnt this from my counsellor.
Massive hugs pet
It is not easy
Every stage brings new challenges
Try to breathe and see the wood and not the trees 🌲
Omg, such a long story! Still waiting for NHS, that's crazy!
How are you feeling atm? Any symptoms?
I am 34 atm and we are with male factor. I got hypothyroid, low vit b and iron deficiency anemia. We are still going through NHS, thankfully we didnt have to wait for so long. Got one try and 4 transfers. After the stimulation which turned into hyper stimulation we got 3 embryos- 1 day 5 and 2 day 6 so cant even use my 4 transfers but i pray it all works out straight away.
Wishing you lots of luck for Sat. Its not even a week! 3 days to go!!!
Hello Bubu, I’m sorry you’re going through all these very difficult feelings. IVF is a horrible process, you’re right. But do you know what makes me feel better? That we, all the women that in their lives struggle with infertility, feeling undeserving and unworthy, feeling like somehow our body is ‘broken’ - are the strongest women I’ve ever met. The kind of women that would endure such a draining emotional and physical process to hold in their arms a sweet baby one day. It may not be this cycle, on next, but it will be one day.
You are not alone. And this thought really helps me. I hope it helps you too. I’ve been part of this community for two days and have already met incredible women (Rhino is one!) who have helped me staying sane during my 2WW.
I am so scared this cycle will fail (as happened before), but if it does I’ll have a cry and start again.
Maybe there is a way to do an online group counseling? We can make our own group and we can moan and cry as much as we need! I was looking for infertility group meetings in my area but couldn't find anything. Guess the ladies in the area don't have our issues...They are so fertile lol
Hi Issylove80, after reading your post i remembered the saying about God giving his toughest battles to his strongest soldiers. I really hope that's the case with us. I am so sorry you are going through this s*it as well. I read your post earlier btw.
I am wishing you BFP this time, enough waiting and broken dreams, right!!!
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counselling ?? 
