A very down day and week

[anonmous23]

Sorry ladies, didn't know who else to each out to, I have been badly crying all week about the kid thing I just don't know what happened to me this week, just really breaking down and crying all week, I just found out 20 minutes ago my sibling is having there 2nd baby I just broke down now so bad. I am so happy for my siblings and I don't want to feel this way. But i question god fate life me and my partner are not such bad ppl just don't get it. Just feel I am cracking up badly.

[Gem2410]

Hi. I’m so sorry that you are feeling this way. I just wanted you to know that the way you are feeling is perfectly normal. So please do not feel bad for feeling this way. Sometimes we all need a big cry and to let it all out. Finding out about your sibling is totally normally. Sometimes you just wonder why me. I’d say just let yourself feel how you feel, and I find when I’m feeling a little better, doing something that I enjoy helps a little. Always know there’s people on here to talk too, and I’m always here for a chat. I hope you feel a little better soon. Sending hugs xx

[Shirazlover2013]

It’s a strange feeling to be happy for your sibling and sad for yourself isn’t it, I know the feeling. Sometimes your own sadness even outweighs the happiness you feel for others. But please don’t feel guilty about feeling this way or beat yourself up. It’s not fair this infertility journey, and often without explanation too which is hard to get your head around. Sometimes we have to focus on looking after ourselves during this hard time. Have you thought about having some counselling sessions? Or writing a journal? I find it helps me to get all the feelings “out” and gives me some peace for a while before they come back again. Xx

[Tracey4668 in reply to Shirazlover2013]

I agree this is what I've been doing. I had my 1st bfn in July. I've been of work for 6 wks. I've had all the normal feelings. Numb. Depressed. Crying. Anger. Blame. Why me? Unfair. Why go on etc (i did have another prob I was also dealing with which did not help).

I've been to ivf counselling and told her I feel guilty for being off so long and reacting like I did. She told me lots of ppl feel like this. It is a grief. You may not have lost an actual pregnancy but you've lost the hope of becoming a family.

And she's right. We literally put all our energy into this and when we get nothing back we feel cheated. Especially when it seems that everyone else is finding it so easy to have babies.

I find writing thing down really helps. It's nothing fancy just a regular book. I get all my thoughts out on paper and it really does help. If you're worried about someone reading it then just shred or burn it. It's not about keeping the words but more of it being an outlet from your mind x

[Core]

So sorry to hear you are struggling, as said above this is so normal this journey is the toughest thing ever. I don’t think anyone can truly understand unless they’ve been in this position which is why this forum is so great. Feel free to message if you want a chat/rant xx

[anonmous23]

Ladies thank you all so much. I just feel so bitter and yes I have to remind myself that so many woman on here are going through the same thing, all my siblings have kids and everyone in my relatives to. I just feel so bitter jealous and stupid.

Thanks ladies so much for your words and comfort means so much to me. But i just think it will never happen me and my partner are nearly 40. lowest sperm ever and I am sure my eggs are not great. my sibling and his wife are same age as me and all fine. god knows.

But thanks so much ladies it really does help me alot the care given on here. xxxxx

[Judy18 in reply to anonmous23]

Being angry and crying is perfectly normal. I had a rant to my husband at the supermarket the other day about the unfairness of it all as i spotted a pregnant person! I have no idea how it would feel to hear the news you just did! It is such a hard journey and even though you may not feel it, crying and giving yourself a break from “holding it together” is not only strong but incredibly brave! Your journey is not over yet! You are just on a bumpy road at the moment. Sending love and hugs xxx

[anonmous23 in reply to Judy18]

Thanks so much, you are so right about it not been the end yet, I guess it is what it is its very hard for us and this forum does help, i guess reminding our selves we are not alone is important. I read all the positive stories of woman who have gone through hell and then finally become parents and I guess it helps reading those stories. But I guess it is what it is. I pray for all of us struggling and god bless us. xxx