3 miscarriages and struggling

[SuzanneMargare]

My husband and I are trying again after 3 miscarriages in 2 years but we’re finding it really difficult. He gets so stressed out that we can’t do what we need to do and then I get upset and cry for hours. We weren’t able to try at all this month and I’m so upset about it. Hospital tests haven’t found anything wrong and I had an endometrial scratch to improve my chances but that’s obviously not going to make any difference if we can’t have sex regularly enough. The doctor tells us to aim for 3 times a week but it’s so difficult after so much disappointment and heartache. I don’t know what to do and feel so alone.

[Faith27]

I'm so sorry to hear all you have both experienced with losing so many and how this is impacting on you being able to try for more! It sounds as though it's a vicious circle while I've not got any experience to share, I just wanted to say that your not alone and were all here for you. Please take time to support eachother during this time, it's understandable that things are really difficult for you both and of course your bound to still grieving all you have lost.

Its clearly a stressful experience for you both and perhaps you just need to take a step back from TTC to have time to focus on eachother for a while - even if that means a break from the 'business'. TTC can be difficult at the best of times but with all you have gone through, perhaps it would be beneficial to just connect back in with every other part of your relationship and leave the rest to come naturally.. I don't know what's best lovely but just look after yourself xx

[SuzanneMargare in reply to Faith27]

Thanks. You’re probably right. I just feel that every month that goes by is another chance lost. The past two years have been absolutely awful and I’m so desperate for something good to happen. Thank you for replying, I really appreciate it.

[Faith27 in reply to SuzanneMargare]

I honestly can't imagine how your feeling.. I know what it's like to feel frustrated when we haven't done it during the right times of the month or when we have decided to have a cuddle instead of doing 'The deed' but to be honest, the one thing that Ive learnt is that our relationships are just as important as the desperate desire for children. Here and now is what will make that dream come true and so it needs just as much patience and love as anything. Perhaps agree to a month off as a minimum - myself and partner had this agreement for this month because we had been stressed and wound up at TTC, and to be honest the permission to not HAVE to do it, and to only do it when we truly WANTED to .. like the 'good old days lol' was really nice on both sides and I think it done us the world of good. You have the added challenge of trying to process and come to terms with built up grief and worry.. Please give yourselves time and the rest will come naturally when it's right again I promise! TTC is a dream but don't lose sight of what's giving you that dream and that's to be parents together. Xxx

[SuzanneMargare in reply to Faith27]

Thank you. I know you’re right and it’s really good to hear that I’m not alone. I don’t know anyone who has been through anything like this so it’s pretty lonely at times. I wish hope that it works out- for both of us- really soon. My life has been on hold for two years.

[Novice_knitter]

I’m so sorry to hear you’re going through this. I’m not surprised your having a difficult time fitting the intimacy in after all you’ve been through. Do you have the time & finance to take a holiday or anything to try to recharge (mentally as much as physically) Just wanted to send my love xx

[SuzanneMargare in reply to Novice_knitter]

We were talking about doing that at the beginning of April. It’s good advice. Thank you. I never imagined it would be this hard...

[Novice_knitter in reply to SuzanneMargare]

I haven’t had a MC and can’t imagine how you must be feeling. But I know how hard it is to keep trying from the physical side of things when at the same time you’re feeling really low about the journey. I hope you manage to get away, we started doing more date and weekends/holidays together which eased the pressure for us when we were feeling low, it really helped - I hope it helps you guys too. Xxx

[80sDiva]

I really feel for you hun, having suffered our 5th miscarriage last year it is really hard to pick yourself up and carry on and that want to try again but so scared that it might happen again and the not knowing why it keeps happening, after our 2nd miscarriage our fertility doc asked our GP to do blood tests to check my blood to see if I had a condition where the blood clots also called Sticky Blood which the blood tests did confirm so I was then put on blood thinners which is said to help so it maybe worth speaking to your GP about it if you haven’t already done so xxx

[SuzanneMargare in reply to 80sDiva]

Thanks for your reply. I’ve been checked for that and apparently it’s not an issue for me. Are you taking aspirin? I wish I could just try it and see if it makes a difference. I don’t see how it could do any harm.

[80sDiva in reply to SuzanneMargare]

Yes I took aspirin on the last 2 cycles, I have now started taking vitamin B6 always willing to try something else xx

[SuzanneMargare in reply to 80sDiva]

Did the doctor advise you to take it or are you just trying it? I feel like I’d try anything! Xx

[80sDiva in reply to SuzanneMargare]

We did mention it to our doc at the clinic before our last cycle but they didn’t seem to know much about it but then it was mentioned on the news so we thought what the hell let’s just try it and I did let our doc know and they are fine with it xxx

[Hidden]

Sending love and thoughts to you. I wonder if giving yourself a set time ‘off’ trying might help. Even 8 weeks or so, just to relax and recharge and not feel guilty about it. Trying each month feels like a never-ending treadmill and is so draining. Xx

[SuzanneMargare in reply to Hidden]

I hope so! I feel so guilty if we have time off and stress because I’m 31 now and worry that my age will be an issue soon. It is so draining. It’s so nice to have people who understand- I wish I’d found this site sooner!

[Hidden]

Hi suzannemargare I too have had 3 miscarriages been ttc #3 since June 17 our last mc was Jan19 just had tests and scan all was fine for both of us. Were going through a tough time he's just lost his mother in Feb and is quite down borderlining depression, my cycles are abit off I'm ovulating earlier than usual so nearly missed last month managed a couple of times again this month I think its going to soon had abit ovulation pains this morning I really dont want to have another short cycle was 22days last month so not having enough time. Hes not having problems doing it just not really that interested at the min he's up and down. Its really hard because I feel I need to push him but not wanting to pressure him at the min but like you say its another month I feel wasted, I'm 39 started at 37 I just want it over I'm sick of feeling this way in constant limbo. So your not alone it is hard and tiring I feel emotionally broken at times, just have to try to stay positive look after yourself try to do nice things together maybe try to focus on something else. Have you tried any supplements fo egg health I did got pregnant in 3 mths but didnt have a better out come but others on this forum have. Hope you have some better luck soon xx

[SuzanneMargare in reply to Hidden]

So sorry you’re having such a bad time too. It’s really awful and it’s hard to find people who understand. What are you taking? If you don’t mind me asking...my life has been stuck since we started trying. My first Mc was in May 17 so we’ve been going through this at the same time. Do you have any children already? I’m ttc my first and never imagined it would be this hard.

[Hidden]

Hi it is awful just had a weep today over thinking things & hormones raging urgh lol I'm not taking all of these now but I researched after seeing on this forum supplements to take for egg health.

Ubiquinol 600mg, DHEA 50mg, PQQ 20mg then supplements like maca, royal jelly, took a pregnancy multivit and doubled up with zinc, folic acid, vit c&d,omega 3 fish oil with dha.

After my last mc I used up the ubiquinol just what was left im just taking the pregnancy vit, zinc, omega 3 fish oil, I am in 2 minds to buy some more but because I didnt get the positive outcome I expected not sure wether to bother because they are expensive. Oh and I took baby asprin with the last pregnancy incase I had some clotting issues i didnt know about.

I have 2 kids already theyre 13 & 11 to my ex husband, my partner doesnt have kids yet I'm trying my best but keep bloody mc I'm 39 and he's only 32 all our mc were found/ended at 12/13 weeks Nov17 Jul 18 & Jan19 2 blighted one to 9w. I'm happy tests all came back as normal but no further forward.

[Pipertra]

Hi Suzanne firstly I’m so sorry for your losses it is so hard I know I’ve had 5 misscarraiges in the space of 2 years. I got way too stressed my body was exhausted and mentally I was so low. I know it’s hard to hear but I felt I was going to keep losing unless I took a break. It is so stressful to keep trying and puts huge pressure on your relationship. I took a break for 5 months just relaxed did acupuncture and got my head straight. I’m 7 weeks now so fingers crossed x please be kind to yourself here if you need to talk x.

[SuzanneMargare in reply to Pipertra]

Thank you so much for your reply. It’s amazing to hear positive stories. Did you have any treatment or do anything different this time? I hope you don’t mind me asking.

[Pipertra in reply to SuzanneMargare]

To be honest I did a good bit starting going to the gym I had never set foot in one in my life now go 3-4 times a week I went to a accupunturist who specialises in fertility issues. I never had a problem getting pregnant getting past week 9 is my problem. I’ve been on blood thinners the last 2 times this time I’m on progesterone aswell as aspirin. Every time I get pregnant I was feeling awful I even got arthritis at one stage but this time I feel good trying to stay positive!

[Hidden]

I am so sorry to read this. You are not alone. Fertility issues have also caused huge issues in my relationship. It’s tough - but what doesn’t break you....makes you stronger. Men often find it very hard to relate and communicate.

Have you had a HSG? Xx