We’re about to start our fourth IVF cycle, FET this time. TTC for 5+ years, in treatment for nearly 18 months. Every time it doesn’t work and throughout this process I’m constantly thinking, how lucky we are to be able to afford treatment, that it’s all a journey and we have to stay positive, overcome the setbacks and keep the faith, keep hoping, keep doing all the right things, that others have it worse than us so count our lucky stars, that we don’t know the journey our friends and family who conceive so quickly are on, etc etc.
But honestly it exhausting, and I’m angry that our journey to conceive is this difficult. I’m angry that my (beloved) friends keep announcing pregnancies, I’m angry when people who don’t know what we’re going through ask when we are going to ‘find time’ to start a family before its too late, I’m angry that I've put on nearly a stone in weight through all the meds and taking it easy and ups and downs (baby weight, without the baby - cheers then!) and I’m really angry that it’s not socially acceptable for women to be angry! 😂😂
So I thought I’d write this, in case anyone else feels the way I do and wants a safe space to get it out. No judgement, you don’t need to explain yourself. I’ve found that just writing this post has helped!
Also, LOVE and baby dust to you all. We are human beings and can be angry without being one dimensional psychopaths.
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Trying00
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I’m so glad that others feel the same! We’re all so positive all the time, I think we owe it to our own mental health to be ok with being pissed off now and again!
Yep!!! I am exactly the same and feel like you have read my mind 😆 All we can do I guess is take one day at a time and acknowledge when we are having a particularly bad day and give ourselves permission to stomp around the house / do whatever we need to do that day to get through. I also just keep telling myself these feelings are completely normal and I / we are doing the best we can on this horrible journey. Thanks for sharing and all the best for your next cycle 💕
All the best to you as well! You’re right, absolutely normal - and I’m trying to be ok with not ‘sanitising’ my feelings and being ok with being angry now and again!
It’s like you read my mind! I’m just starting stims for round 5! For some reason this time the meds have made me feel so much worse, my tummy is tough to get injections in and just feel angry that I’m here again! it’s overwhelming and I feel grateful I am in a position to keep going and that so many people have it harder than me but sometimes we just need to be allowed to be angry for a moment… then I’ll get back to positive thinking 😂Thanks for creating a space to vent today .. good luck on your journey 💕
Totally agree with all of this! It is so difficult not to be angry when other people find it so easy. I struggle with people just popping out kids like it is nothing when we have tried for so long and been through so much.
We are going through an IUI after four full IVF cycles with egg collections all failed. The last was so bad we were told not to try again with IVF so we are really in last shot salon. People can be so insensitive at times and it just makes it worse. I am now at the stage where parents tell me I am so lucky to not be tied down with kids and it just hurts. I have been tied down with medications and procedures and a strict diet for years but still no baby.
Thanks for setting up this link- it is good to vent!
Oh god I totally hear you, when rounds aren’t successful the people we love always want to try and find a positive - you’re so lucky not to have to deal with the lack of sleep etc. It comes from a good place, but it doesn’t help, and also we don’t have to find a silver lining all the time. I said this to my family after the last failed round, sometimes things are just shit and that’s ok, let me feel sad and angry for a bit!
I feel you and can totally relate…this is my second cycle, fourth transfer with embabys 5 & 6 so praying for some good news! Im bruised, swollen and sore from all the meds and I’ll gladly take it if this works but it still sucks! Meh. Sending lots of baby dust! Xxx
Hello. I had to hop on and say this is such a useful post, thank you for writing it. I’m surprising myself a little by replying as I don’t tend to post on here, although the forum and all of you on here have been a huge help to me over the last year or so. The anger is something I’m really having to manage at the moment as well, and clearly a very normal reaction, as you all say. I wanted to offer my support by adding this, for what it’s worth!
I’m currently taking a break before FET after three back to back batching cycles (now up to seven cycles in total).
Picture the scene ...beleaguered and bedraggled, totally exhausted, my partner and I enjoying a sunny, riverside dinner in a bid to relax and feel remotely normal again after all we have been through...even, shock horror, enjoy a few wines. And who sits behind us but a baby shower party.
Was just about manageable until three of the party, including the TWO pregnant women, decided to do a riverside photo shoot of their bumps right in front of our table. Not just a quick snap, the bump positioning for the best angles went on for a good 15 minutes I reckon.
Well the anger... I scared myself, I actually thought I was going to have to say something. I was shaking with anger. I wanted to push them in the flippin river!
In the end I did say something, fairly quietly, and they didn’t hear. I didn’t intend them to. However my partner was livid with me for letting it get the better of me and big row ensued.
What we have discussed since, is this anger, however irrational it maybe, has to come out (although clearly not to the extent of pushing pregnant women in a river !)
Obviously we all know those women had a right to celebrate and weren’t intentionally trying to wound me, like we know pregnant friends, friends with kids, employers who make baby announcements, parents who push us into the road when their buggies take up the whole pavement (!), aren’t trying to hurt us, but the anger is a manifestation of our fears. We have to allow ourselves to express it, privately, because internalising it will do no good at all. I think that’s best anyway... I’m still a work in progress !
Thanks again for your post x Ps yes, and the weight too !!!
Oh I feel for you so much and totally get it. Of course you’d never act it, but bloody hell there’s only so much you can take! We are pushing our bodies to the absolute limit, with no guarantees anything is going to come of it. Getting the anger out is key. We’re all a work in progress but I even feel better about writing these feelings here. Give me a shout any time if you need a judgement free vent! And 🤞🏻🤞🏻🤞🏻 for you xx
I am completely with you on this. Life is unfair! It’s ok to be angry and frustrated. You have to take each day at a time and if you want to scream and shout then go ahead and do that.
We’re just starting our 6th try after 5 failed previous and TTC for 12years. I can promise you I’ve done lots of screaming and shouting over the years😂
Yep, hear you with the anger. I also think the hormones really don’t help. I’ve just had a week away by the coast and it’s really helped. IVF is so all consuming and not only effects you physically but mentally. We deserve a medal for doing it and holding down jobs! Never mind trying to ‘be happy’ for you everyone else for ‘Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, children’s birthdays…’ it’s just non stop. It does make you feel bitter… but hopefully it’s not something that will last forever x hugs
I felt exactly the same throughout the process… But despite the long and painful road I was being very thankful that we can afford to keep trying. Some people are not as lucky and that is heartbreaking…
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