Jealous and distraught

[fridayfever]

Hi

Firstly apologises, just one of those days when I feel the need to vent.

So fed up of putting on a brave face all the time, when I just want to hide away and cry but yet again putting other people's feelings first.

Just found out the last of my oldest and closest friends is 20 weeks broken and please don't think I wish her harm but I'm sat feeling why me.

Why are we the couple who can't have children? Why have we had 3 failed rounds of IVF.

Want to sit and cry but husband can't cope when I do and friends who do know about the IVF don't ask anymore as I know they feel awkward.

[Picalilli99]

Bless you, I could have written this myself. Vent away! Sorry you are having a difficult day lovely. Sending you massive hugs xxx

[helsbels_2016]

Sending you huge amounts of love, hugs and support ❤️

Those are words I could have written myself, word for word.

Please know you are not alone in these feelings. I have had some very dark days in the last few months but somehow you will pull yourself through. You're already so much stronger than you realise.

You will always find support on here, I've found it such a huge comfort recently.

Thinking of you lovey xx

[IVFGirlLondon]

I hear you. I’ve felt the same many a time. Why me? Also all my best friends have newborns or are pregnant at the moment. I think it’s really important to be allowed space to grieve. I take myself off for walks just to let myself cry in peace! Always come back feeling better. It’s also ok to feel jealous. Of course we do! It doesn’t mean we want harm to come to anyone else but it’s because it holds a mirror up to what we don’t have. And not having a baby when you want one is potentially one of the most painful feelings on earth!! You will get through this though and you are not alone xxxx

[Mimilka]

I just want to thank all of you for this post. I have been feeling so low so many times and always tried to put brave face and stop this feeling why not me...not having a baby is a heart breaking journey and I can tell it has been the same for my husband too. I am happy ang grateful though that I still have happy days and try to focus on that

[Lorita1984]

I feel you.... Keep strong. My friends closest always talk about pregnancy and babies whenever we meet. One of them once also was putting off my idea of having Ivf when webfirst started. Few months after she sends a pic of her perfect Bfp. I fibd this forum very supportive. Should you wish to chat or vent feel free to msg me ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

[Hope25]

It is the most lonely journey but you are not alone - even when you feel like it. This forum has been fab and I have made so many new friends who know exactly what I am talking about. This jouney is rubbish and lousy and its absolutely okay to feel sad and grieve. After 4 years TTC, 6 months on meds I was told I need IVF last week. Feel so lost there is so much i'm grieving for and so much uncertainty that if I cant be sad now ....well when can I! Look after you and cry when you need to - it doesn't do to be brave all the time x x

[fridayfever]

Thank you all so much for your replies, 💕💕 think I have just put on a brave face for so long and now everything is tumbling.

Had already had a bad week as we had an appointment at a new clinic who we believed specialised in what we may need but took an instant dislike to the consultant. He pushed his bill across the desk at the beginning of the appointment and said cash or cheque after keeping us waiting an hour and a half.

Just feel useless, even had friends who watched the IVF documentary on Tuesday ask why didn't we have as many eggs collected or those couples were pregnant after IVF.

Felt like I had to defend myself and say they stated that the statistics were only 30% successful. People who haven't been through this don't have a clue.

[NMP1026]

Hey lovely

I just want to say you are most definitely not alone in this!!! For year after year I felt like this. This time 2years ago I got my 2nd BFN. Whilst my brother's girlfriend and 2 of our closest friends got pregnant and had their babies. I was so jealous and distanced myself from them. Fast forward to this year and I've got a gorgeous nephew and our friends are back in our close circle with the addition of our baby daughter. I really hope this doesnt sound insensitive it really does hurt but stay strong miracles do happen. Sending you a big hug and lots of support xx

[fridayfever in reply to NMP1026]

No thank you and congratulations.

Lovely to hear positive story xx

[Mary80]

I have vented, being happy, jealous, distraught, angry 😡 arrrrrrrrrgh, hopeless and many more. 6 years of TTC, one miscarriage, two failed ivf, dry vagina while having sex becos I'm fed up and approaching 40. My goodness!!!! Every one around me is pregnant. Even rats, dogs and cats are getting pregnant. My own case I have surrendered to God to help me carry the burden of infertility becos it's too heavy for me. I know with God on our side we will all smile someday. Starting my new job soon. I can't come and kill myself with anxiety.

Hopefully I'm trying naturally and considering donor egg. I have to save the money 💷 first. All d best and hugs

[Lorita1984]

I so know how you feel. Be strong dear and vent away. I found this Forum so helpful and supportive xxxxxx

[fridayfever]

Thank you for your reply Mary80.

I'm sadly already 40 and had 3 failed rounds and currently waiting for us both to undergo further tests before using donor eggs.

Wishing you all the best in your journey x