Insensitive people! And Clomid help

[Gem560]

Hey,

I have just completed all fertility testing and found that there seems to be no reason why we can't fall pregnant.

Been trying 3 years and we are 30. I am sick to death of people's questions on when we are having kids and their comments on our age etc. We want to keep our situation private so I don't want to explain it when people ask but I come away deflated and feeling negative .

I have told a few people when they comment but then they seem to think it's ok to ask questions about it all when I don't want to discuss it with people who have no idea how it feels .

I found out my mum has told extended family and not respected our wishes to keep it private due to me not wanting to attend a baby shower. Instead of her looking 'bad' to why I won't be attending she thought it was a better idea to tell her cousin our story. I feel hurt and betrayed. And ta not the first time.

I'm not ashamed but I don't want to pity ,the questions or denied the element of surprise telling people if we ever do fall naturally or through IVF ( if we ever get there!)

What is it with people?!!

We have our appointment next week to find our next steps. I think they may offer Clomid ,which I don't really want it doesn't seem to have a high success rate? Not only that it's more waiting ! Do you know if you can say no to it and go straight into IVF?

Thanks x

[Shan123]

Gem560 I'm sorry to hear about the situation I can understand because I have also been through the same situation but my mum never told anyone instead she covered me up by telling ppz that I'm not ready for it. I had almost 4 years struggle but finally I am here 2 weeks pregnant. But still getting Lowe abdominal pain on the left. Which gets me worried.

Anyway the clomid is just a part one of your treatment they want to see if you can conceive naturally or not. Otherwise you can just simply ask them to get your n your partners tests done n see how the reports are and if all good with you n your partner then pay them the money and ask them to start the main treatment. I am sure they will be able to help you with this.

All the best and my prayers are always for you 😘

[Gem560 in reply to Shan123]

I'm so happy to hear your news but I know you will be scared so won't fuss. I wish you the very best of luck .

I am not paying for the IVF it is NHS so does this make a difference?

I did live in the USA and was paying for our fertility tests , came home and had to start all over again with NHS as they wouldn't pick up where we left off.

I wasn't ready for a baby when we first started to try but my husband begged I'm so glad we did because I would of waited and more time would of past.

Xx

[Shan123 in reply to Gem560]

No Gem560 it doesn't make any big difference but you'll have to wait for long though. I had it done through NHS and it took me long but after first cycle failed there was gap of almost 2 and half month.

If you can afford to pay then I would recommend you to go ahead but if you wanna get it done through NHS then there is a wait and my Best advice for you is that when they ask you how many embryos you want to transfer please get 2 embryo transferred as there are more success rate. They will also try n make you aware of the illnesses just listen to them and get 2 embryo transferred. When I had my first cycle I had no one to advise me what to do so I just had one embryo transferred but later on I found out that there are Moses chance to conceive either 2 embryos. I was too late for that but in my 2nd cycle I decided to get 2embryo transferred and I'm 2 weeks pregnant now😊 thank God 🙏🏻 I also wish you all the best.

[Hidden]

I’m the same as you. I’m a very private person and literally no one knew about our problems then I finally told my dad just as we were about to start and that’s it. I was ashamed to start with and embarrassed I couldn’t do a simple thing but that went away. I think more than anything I didn’t want the pity and all the questions. Recently at my work I had 5 women get pregnant in quick succession and I had been married the longest so I was getting the questions allllll the time lol it’s sooo frustrating!!

I have PCOS but not bad enough to explain why we could conceive. They said to me that as I was still ovulating then clomid would be pointless so was referred straight for IVF xx

[Gem560 in reply to Hidden]

I feel exactly the same ! Thank god people who know how it feels ! I feel like I have to defend my sensitivity to people and explain myself.

We have now told our family and friends when we ask we are keeping our progress private now sooooo in other words shut up!!

When did you start IVF? I ovulate so going on clomid seems pointless I really hope I get referred. I feel anxious and so nervous I won't hear what we are hoping to next week.

Xx

[Hidden in reply to Gem560]

Your braver than I was lol I did tell a couple of family members later on but that’s it and no one knows this pregnancy is IVF although I do feel like saying it is when people go on about how easy I’ve had it!

I was referred Aug 16 saw consultant sept 16 and started first cycle end of Oct 16 so it was pretty quick for me but I know some people have to wait a while which I can imagine is very stressful xx

[Shannon1400]

You will have to go through the extensive testing to qualify for ivf on nhs. Unfortunately it is a lengthy process and had taken us 4 years of tests and tablets. We are currently doing our ivf. Best of luck x

[Lizzielizzielizzie]

I have friends who have had children through clomid and it looks much less difficult than doing iui. I've only known it to be prescribed in cases where the woman has polycystic ovaries though so you may well not be offered it. I know it doesn't feel like it, but you do have time to try clomid then move on to ivf. With being under 35, you might also be offered iui before ivf, this is also less difficult than ivf. It's up to you but make sure you get likely success stats based on your age and health rather than general stats.

[E_05]

Sorry to hear how your feeling, like others I totally understand. I'm a private person and didn't want people to know apart from my mum and best friend. My mum never told anyone but couldn't understand why we wouldn't - I think unless people are on this journey they don't quite understand the enormity it has on your whole life.

As for clomid I tried this before IVF and felt like it was wasted months but after reading how long it's taken ladies on here to be referred I feel like my referral was quite quick as I was already under a consultant at the fertility clinic. Clomid might be beneficial to try in the interim while your having tests for IVF. Good luck xx

[Gem560]

Thank you everyone , it feels like a breath of fresh air finding people who are going through the same.

Xx

[Aleelilook]

Hi Gem560, it really does suck all the questions, I told my close friends, and also work so I could take the time off for scans etc. But word got out on the gossip mill at work, and I had one woman (who must be late 60s) come up to me and said if she was younger she'd give me a baby!😂😂😂 fortunately I work with one of my closest friends and we just laughed about it! After a year of treatment I've realised that i shouldn't be ashamed of my situation, and actually people given the chance can be quite sensitive and supportive, others will still be dicks, but that's life!!! With regards to clomid if you're ovulating I doubt you'll be offered it as it could result in multiple pregnancies, so I would have thought you'd be referred to IVF. My ccg didn't offer IUI as the odds aren't as high as IVF, but that varies around country, and it took 6 months from the first test to my first consultation. Wishing you luck xx

[Gem560 in reply to Aleelilook]

Thank you.

Where are you at now? It's so frustrating because they can't find anything scientifically wrong with us. It's always what if we are lucky .. I get my hopes up.

Xx

[Aleelilook in reply to Gem560]

Well I'm about to start round 4, round 1 was really a tester, and we didn't get very good embryos, round 2 we got pregnant with our only embryo, which was fabulous, but on our second scan they saw the heartbeat had stopped, which was destroying. We picked ourselves up again and went for round 3 where we got 6 embies all looking good, but on day 5 they had all stopped progressing, so after all of that heart ache, we've had even more organic food, more vitamins, even more effort from the husband, a puppy and a new plan, we go into round 4 hopefully better prepared!! Xx

[Gem560 in reply to Aleelilook]

Wow what a journey I'm so sorry to hear your loss I can't imagine

I wish you all the luck in the world xxx

[Aleelilook in reply to Gem560]

I wanted to also say we have unexplained infertility, but I think perhaps sperm DNA fragmentation may have played a part last time xx

[Hidden in reply to Aleelilook]

My mum in law, bless her, said "if your eggs aren't any good, would you have mine?" Erm, aside from the fact that she's almost 60 and has been through the menopause, I had to remind her that her eggs would be mixed with her son's sperm so no, I couldn't accept her eggs! The realisation freaked her out. She was just trying to be kind! Xx

[Gem560 in reply to Hidden]

Aw bless her 😂😂😂

[Hidden in reply to Gem560]

She looked so disgusted that I felt bad for her! Xx

[Aleelilook in reply to Hidden]

😂 some people are just mad!!!! Xx

[Yammie1973]

Oh sweet I know exactly how you feel. my DH and I are in our 40's and with my in laws doing IVF as well, we got all the information first hand....without even asking for it which was infuriating to say the least...not least of all the darling BIL who kept saying to my DH...you must get around to doing IVF bro....it worked first time for us....if I could have stretched my arm down the line to Aus and strangled him, I would have done. We couldn't do IVF via the 'wonderful' NHS because of age and BMI.....some of my biggest gripes with them. A few friends have made snotty comments but having a tongue that needs its own padlock, so I soon shot them down and thankfully they have kept away but that isn't the point, people are so insensitive. One thing to ask whilst at your appointment...ask about DHEA, a natural steroid which normally occurs in humans but as you get 'older' reduces in the body....it impacts GREATLY on egg quality. I made the mistake of not asking and ended up with 7 eggs on my first egg collection and only 2 fertilised and very poor quality embryos....don't make my mistake.

Hope that your appointment goes well

[Daxi16]

Hey check out my story same as you and clomid worked for me currently 29 weeks with twins xx

[Gem560 in reply to Daxi16]

Wow that's amazing ! So you could ovulate etc and they put you on it for how long ? Did you fall quite soon? Xx

[Daxi16 in reply to Gem560]

I already was ovulating just unexplained infertility. Are you already ovulating? Yes I fell second month after 3 years of trying xxx

[Gem560 in reply to Daxi16]

So maybe it is worth it and not as negative as I've read. Lovely to hear a success story really happy for you xx

[Daxi16 in reply to Gem560]

Yes it's worth a shot before IVF that was our plan xx

[Se99]

Just to jump on, I agreed with my doctor to try clomid whilst I was waiting for IVF, that maybe something you could suggest so you don’t feel like you are wasting time? I didn’t get chance to try it as I had to be immunised for rubella again and my referral came quickly but I’ve heard plenty of success stories from clomid too!x

[Gem560 in reply to Se99]

Thank you x