First Fail

[L2D2]

Morning

I don’t write many posts here as I’ve been trying to take everything in my stride. But you are all a wonderful here.

I need to write this down so I can start to process it. This is our very first cycle of ivf. I had EC back in July but due to risk of OHSS had a freeze all. So this was FET. I’m so divided emotionally, the rational part of me knew it could fail but the other cruel part of Hope has floored me!! To see ‘Not Pregnant’ on the test this morning was devastating. I had some spotting since Tuesday but had hoped this was just something that happened (being a newbie to it all). My thoughts have gone back and fore of it being all over but actually there was still hope. But the confirmation is there now! This is probably a good thing, but I’m just so sad.

I know so many of us have been through and I’m sorry for us all, I feel so sorry for me and my partner. But we must dig deep and find hope again! Thanks for letting me off load here. Love to you all Xx

[Kat9lives]

Sorry to hear you have got a BFN lovely. Is today your OTD? Just checking first of all that you haven't tested too early. It is such a difficult process and the mental anguish and upset can really take its toll. I just wanted to say you're not alone, we all understand and are here if you want to offload. Unfortunately the first cycle is often seen by the clinic as the trial run, because it enables them to build a picture of how your body works and reacts to the drugs. Therefore, those that get a BFP first time are really really lucky. Not that this helps, but I just wanted to explain that you mustn't give up hope. The fact that you can create an embryo that is suitable for transfer is a major step forward. Take all the time you need to process this, look after yourselves and have the break you need. Sending lots of hugs xxx

[L2D2 in reply to Kat9lives]

Thank you @Kat9lives

Yea today was official OTD. I had resisted the temptation to test before this. Yea I think I was holding out a lot of hope that this first cycle would be successful! I am holding onto the positives, we have embryos on ice which is a huge positive here. It’s just all a bit exhausting when TTC for so long. But to know we are not on our own is a huge help. Thanks for your message, really appreciate it xx

[L2D2 in reply to L2D2]

Also @Kat9lives I hope all goes well for you and this positive stays put 😘

[Solly-44]

I’m so sorry love, it’s just brutal seeing that test. I had a freeze all too and I think that although it was the best option physically, the added wait and build up definitely added to the devastation of it not working.

Go easy on yourself, allow yourself so be sad and time to process it. Sending you all the hugs xx

[L2D2 in reply to Solly-44]

Hi @Solly-44

I agree totally the freeze all just seems like so much more of a wait and probably a bigger focus on today.

Time to process and then move forward.

Did your first cycle not work? Where are you in your journey? Thank you for your kind message xx

[Solly-44 in reply to L2D2]

Nope mine didn’t work, and neither did my second but just got the news that we start drugs for number 3 today.

So many ups and downs - for me my first cycle not working was the hardest. Like you said in your first post, rationally you know there’s a good chance it won’t work but it still floors you. I found I felt a lot better when I knew the next steps, when we’d be able to start again and what not. Do you have a follow up booked in yet or waiting to hear? Xx

[L2D2 in reply to Solly-44]

I’ve rang the clinic this morning and so waiting for a nurse to call me back later. So will know a bit more then I guess. It’s just emotionally exhausting. We are quite resilient but just having a moment to take it all in today.

Sorry to hear you’ve had 2 unsuccessful rounds. Wishing you all the best for this round 🤞🏻🤞🏻Keep positive - that’s all we can do and hopefully we will get there. Lots of love xx

[Hidden]

Really sorry to read this, I think the first BFN is often the hardest as you have built up so many emotions and so much energy about even starting IVF, and then by the sounds of things the OHSS and freezing must have really knocked you as well.

It won't help for now but I really believe that both our bodies and our minds grow each time with IVF, we get to know what we are doing and so many people on here whose first round fails then get a BFP in their second. Its a case of learning what we are supposed to do.

Take some time to have a good cry, then some unhealthy food and wine, and then eventually you will feel better and stronger for your next time. I also recommend counselling too - I know its helped loads of people on here (although not my bag)

Hugs lovely xx

[L2D2]

Hi Daisy1245

What a kind message! Thank you ☺️

That’s definitely true. Now that I’m sat here reflecting, it’s been such a massive build up to that moment for something that isn’t guaranteed! Yea we’ve just had some set backs in terms of time. We had hoped to start a year ago on ivf but as we had booked to go to Florida they then said we had to wait 6 months because of Zika risk. When we returned after that time the consultant said to me “why haven’t we seen you in such a long time from your last appointment?” I proceeded to remind her she had told me to wait due to Zika which she replied “but Florida is a low risk area”. How I didn’t karate kick her from the other side of the desk I don’t know 🤣 she then said “oh yes they change the protocol all the time”. Ffs

So that’s an added wait to our time frame.

I think you’re right first time round is new for us all and our bodies so next time can be a bit more experienced.

Cries,Fries&wines sounds like a good a good pick me up 😉

Thanks for taking time to send a message xx

[Hidden in reply to L2D2]

Gosh yes what a nightmare I would have decked the consultant!! I am so sorry its been such a long build up and such a let down, I am channelling positivity for round 2 xx

[Lots8788]

So sorry to hear it hasn't worked this time hun. We had our first cycle fail in August. So glad to hear you have some frosties for another go. It's not over yet! Big hugs xxx

[L2D2 in reply to Lots8788]

Thank you @Lots8788

Having Frosties is a positive to have at this time xx sorry to hear yours also failed in August. We must try and try again. Best of luck to you. Hugs back xx

[Tryagain45]

I'm sorry you've had a BFN.... The first one is most definitely the worst. Even though you tell yourself that this might take a few gos, you secretly think you are going to be one of those super lucky people who get a BFP first time out. And when you're not, it's devastating. Take time to cry and lick your wounds - bold food and wine is a must!!! I do this every time my FET fails...........

In a few days you will be able to see some positives - like the fact that you have more embryos, that you got as far as transfer so your lining responded, that your body has had a bit of a trial run now, that you've been through the process once and will find the next time a lot easier.........the only way i remain positive is to remind myself that this will eventually work, its just a matter of how many times i have to do it..............

I wish you lots of strength to get through this loss and to move forward to the next try....

X

[L2D2 in reply to Tryagain45]

Hi @Tryagain45

It’s a rough one for sure! Of course deep down I had hoped it would work first time!

You’re right there are lots of good points to focus on! And these will help to be strong again! Also hope for sure!

Thank you. I wish you strength also and keep looking forward xx

[Core]

So sorry to hear about your BFN. I remember after my first failed FET I was absolutely devastated, take time to grieve and spend quality time with your partner, in time you will find the strength and courage to go again xx

[L2D2 in reply to Core]

Thank you very much @Core

Kind words and knowing we’re not alone in all of this does help xx

[Core in reply to L2D2]

I agree, people on this forum are amazing and have helped me so much xx