Failed ICSI - First Cycle

[XOXO13]

I’ve just found out that my first cycle of IVF ICSI has failed ... I’m so heartbroken. I think I knew in my heart that it hadn’t worked but to begin with I felt positive because everyone around me was telling me that we had a high chance of success as I’m young, I’ve no known fertility issues (our issue is with sperm morphology) and we had a 5AA hatching blastocysts transferred.

My consultant doesn’t know why it’s failed.. likely due to chromosome abnormalities. I know I won’t ever give up trying, but this on top of my miscarriage in March is really taking a toll on my mental health. I feel like a broken person. I’m no longer the person I was before all of this. I feel so alone and angry, sad and lost.

I know so many couples go through this pain as well, and I’m so sorry to all of you who are going through this. I wish it wasn’t so hard.

I never thought my journey would be so difficult x

[Naddy1]

Hey hun thinking of you this is all so rubbish and know how you’re feeling. We also have morphology issues and our first round ended in a chemical but currently 5 weeks with our FET.

I know it don’t feel like it right now but things do get better ❤️

Sending you hugs 🤗 x

[XOXO13 in reply to Naddy1]

Congratulations to you, pleased you’ve had success with your FET .. and so sorry for your first loss.

Our consultant has advised we can try again with FET after Christmas .. right now, I’ve lost faith but I’ll keep trying. I’m going to ask if they can transfer two and to check my progesterone level before they transfer next time. Did you do anything different with your FET transfer?

Just feel deflated this evening. Thank you for responding to me. Wishing you all the success with this pregnancy xxx

[Naddy1 in reply to XOXO13]

Thank you hun. Hope you’re feeling a little better now.

So I had progesterone checked on transfer day and they have me on Estrogen pessaries on top of the progesterone suppositories as my lining was on the thin side on my last scan. Progesterone level ended up fine.

X

[XOXO13 in reply to Naddy1]

Thank you.

I didn’t have my progesterone checked on transfer day, but think I need to next time. I’ll mention that.

Best of luck to you xx

[Cmc2020]

Sorry to hear this it’s such a shame and such a difficult journey never give up 💚 can’t imagine the way you are feeling xx

[HemBella]

Hang in there. This journey is so hard but there are success stories. My first round IVF failed too (for different reasons) and I know that heartache. It sounds like you have at least one or two embryos in the freezer? Often our bodies are stronger for FET rather than fresh and if this was your first cycle your doctor will have learnt even more about your body and be able to adapt for your next transfer.

Hugs XXX

[XOXO13 in reply to HemBella]

Hey, thank you for responding. Sorry to hear you also experienced a failed cycle. It’s so cruel and unfair.

I have 5 fertilised eggs in the freezer (all ICSI). Not as good quality as my 5AA, but have a 3AA, 2x 3AB and 2x 3BB so I’m grateful for that. However, I’ve done so much reading that says even with great looking embryos you can have chromosome abnormalities so I’m going to ask if they can be tested before being transferred, if possible.

My consultant told me we can pick up after Christmas but it just seems too far away. I’ve also read there’s no reason why I can’t try straight away. My cycle hasn’t started yet, so I may push them to allow me to start it with this cycle rather than wait. I think if I wait, my mind will go crazy!

Have you had FET too? Xx

[Stressylady]

So sorry to hear your news. You are in the right place to be able to share how you feel as so many of us on here feel what you are going through right now.We had 2 failed ICSI fresh embryo cycles and I was kind of done by that point and totally deflated etc.... Our issue is also slightly dodgy sperm and me having a low egg count. I’m now 37 and knew that once I turn 38 the stats change a lot in terms of your chances etc.... So after our second failed cycle in July I spoke to our specialist in tears just asking why this want happening for us when everything was right up to transfer... was it me?? Why won’t MY body do what it’s supposed to do? Essentially she told us that in our situation it is all about chance and our failures were chance failures. It is a numbers game. We have a 4 in 10 chance of it working so basically the more goes you have the more likely you are for it to work. Obviously though it isn’t just as simple as that as it is pretty costly. We decided to give it one more go in September and had two embryos put back (age related really) and now I’m 9 weeks pregnant!! If you can keep pushing forward do because it might just be your chance... try and keep the faith and remember we are all here for you xx

[XOXO13 in reply to Stressylady]

Congratulations on this pregnancy, wonderful news after everything you’ve had to go through. How are you feeling?

We did fall pregnant naturally Christmas last year only to miscarry in the March a few days after my 30th birthday. With this failed cycle, I just feel completely broken all over again. And I know I have to be mentally strong, but I don’t think I’ll ever feel fully happy again until we have a healthy baby in our arms. I feel like I’ve lost so much of myself this year. I’m surrounded by so many people that I know love and care for me, but I still feel so alone and sad. Even when I’m smiling, inside I’m feeling sad. Did you find that?Does that go away?

I won’t ever give up, and stories like yours help me to hold onto hope that I’ll one day be pregnant with a healthy baby. Just one day at a time I guess xx

[daniellecb]

Hi xoxo, so sorry to hear about your failed cycle and your miscarriage this year. Its absolutely heartbreaking and its hard to find the strength to keep going...as well as the finances. I know its hard but please try and stay positive and keep faith in your body. I also feel very alone in this world, it feels like it happens for everyone else so quickly and naturally yet we are silently suffering. I know this isn't ideal as I always say its best to face problems head on, but I try and pretend that this isn't happening to me and I dont over think it, I tend to focus on the next step each time.

I had my first IVF cycle (also ICSI) in September and got a positive at 4wks 3 days, but the happiness (and shock after 2yrs trying) was unfortunately short lived as I started bleeding just over 5 weeks and a chemical pregnancy was confirmed via a second blood test. I then commenced medication for a FET this month (my clinic advised to have a full cycle in Oct then start treatment this month), anyway I found out that my womb lining was too thin for the transfer and the cycle was cancelled. I was really upset and couldn't believe my body is failing me like this. I've had a number of tests done over the years and my womb lining thickness has never come up as an issue until now! It floored me and I've started to wonder if I'll ever be able to carry a baby. We had undiagnosed infertility up until doing our fresh cycle and ICSI being performed (we were told this was due to slow motility of sperm...something that had never come up before). After discovering this we thought we had our light bulb moment of why it wasn't happening for us...but obviously not with the chemical and now my thin uterus lining. As it was news to me about my lining, I'm wondering (with you having a top grade embryo transfered) if it could be your womb thickness that is failing you? Just a thought, did you have any answers as to why you miscarried in March?

I'm due to start medication for another FET with my next cycle but I'm not confident in my womb now.

Thoughts are with you, much love xxx

[XOXO13 in reply to daniellecb]

I’m so sorry to read all of what you’ve had to go through, I hope this next cycle works for you. Are you taking any additional medications to help with your uterine lining? I’ve read that you can have your endometrium line scratched to help with implantation - has anyone talked to you about that? I don’t know much about it, but came across it recently.

My consultant said that my uterine lining was good, and I’ve had this checked previously as well. But I’m convinced my progesterone levels aren’t right and I’ll ask for those to be checked before my next transfer. I suffer from really bad cold chills as well prior to my period and previously with my last pregnancy, and I’ve always questioned that as maybe being an issue - it happens so bad that I need to change my clothes and can make me feel quite unwell. But my consultant wasn’t familiar with that as a symptom of anything. I think I question everything now as I’m convinced there is something preventing successful implantation.

After my miscarriage, we were tested for everything and nothing came back as a red flag. It was put down as chromosomes abnormality. These tests are the ones that identified my husbands sperms issues however which is what led us down the path of ICSI as normal IVF would have a much lower success rate.

Keep me posted with how you get on. I hope it works for you xxx

[daniellecb in reply to XOXO13]

Its so frustrating not knowing what is preventing our pregnancies isnt it. I really hope you have much better luck with your cycle after Xmas, its such a shame you've missed it this year because of dates. Its very difficult dealing with all of the set backs isnt it, let's pray that it WILL happen for us and all of this stress now was worth it and can be left in the past 🤞

No, I haven't heard about having my endometrium scratched, I'll have a look into that and ask my consultant about it should I have the same problems with my next treatment cycle. I was on progynova 2mg twice a day from cd2 progressing to 4 x per day from cd10 and by cd13 they cancelled the fet. They told me everything was well with my lining for my fresh transfer but they never told me the measurement of my lining...I think I'd better ask them. That sounds unusual about your cold chills and it could certainly be linked, I'm a very cold person and I've been told to use a hot water bottle during my follicular phase. So I'm trying that this month, as well as seeding (if you've heard of that) and also taking vitamin E and D.

Thanks for your advice and well wishes! I'll keep hopeful for us both to have our BFPs soon! xxx

[XOXO13 in reply to daniellecb]

Yeah definitely.. the set backs make an already stressful and difficult situation harder to manage.

Progynova I’m assuming is something to do with the increasing hormones? You should ask ... I didn’t ask the measurement of mine either but I think I will next time as it’s best to have all the information ourselves as well, even if it’s just for peace of mind.

That’s so interesting about using a hot water bottle around your follicular phase .. I’ve never been told that. I think I have trouble regulating my body’s temperature at specific times of the month which is why I experience those chills. They were terrible Thursday and that’s when I think I knew deep down that the cycle had failed.

I’ve not heard of seeding - what’s that?

I was taking FertilitySmarts but stopped after transfer as that was more for egg quality. I’m just on folic acid and 50mg thyroxine daily now, though I’ll start taking my Vitamin D again.

Best wishes 🤞🏻✨ xxx

[daniellecb in reply to XOXO13]

Ah yes I forgot to mention folic acid, I'm on that too. I havent heard of Fertility Smarts before but they look great...much better than taking lots of other tablets. If I need to do another EC I'll try them. I currently have 4 frozen embryos of mixed quality...1 x good, 2 fair and 1 low. So I'm praying one of these takes. Yes Progynova is oestrogen hormone replacement meds that I was given to me to stop me ovulating as well as encouraging the womb to thicken. It definitely worked on the former as my nurse said my ovaries were "nice and quiet".

This is some information on seeding if you are wanting to give it a try, I'm at the point were I'll give anything a try 🙈

drlaurieterzo.com/dr-laurie...

Aww gosh thats so awful you have those chills and think they could be linked, so sorry to hear you felt it Thursday and thats when you started to feel that your cycle wasn't going to have a positive result. Its so upsetting and deflating. All the waiting inbetween is horrendous too isnt it. My cycle was longer after my chemical and now my current cycle is longer too, I'm blaming it on the medication. Come on period! Im ready to start again.

I hope you are feeling more upbeat and positive to start round 2 soon, time will hopefully help you heal.

💗 xxx

[XOXO13 in reply to daniellecb]

Seeding sounds so interesting - I’ve never heard of that before! Thanks for sharing, I may give that a go - I’m the same in that I’ll try absolutely anything to make this work!

My period arrived yesterday, really heavy too. CD29 which is a little early for me but I’m glad it’s started so I can move on and focus on the next treatment.

I’m meeting my consultant this week so will try make a plan which usually helps calm my overactive mind down!!

Good luck with your treatment 🤞🏻✨ xx

[Kellylouisela1]

Ah huh I could of written this myself 3 weeks ago the exact same situation even the same embryo as you- perfect lining of 12mm and it just didn’t work! I’m now hoping to do a FET before Xmas! You will be okay- frozen is much more natural- I am having no meds at all! So hopefully you’ll be the same xxx

[XOXO13 in reply to Kellylouisela1]

I’m so sorry you’ve also gone through this 💔 My consultant said I wouldn’t be able to do FET before Christmas, I think I just miss the cut off date before they close. Though I’m seeing her next week to discuss. Have you and your consultant agreed with the no med route or is that your personal choice? Wishing you lots of luck ❤️ Xx

[Kellylouisela1 in reply to XOXO13]

Well like you I’m pretty ‘normal’ sperm motility got us here, we were lucky and we have 6 embryos left so they said I should try natural next- which I’m all for less meds less stress less money. Ask about it defo a more natural route xxx

[Peanutchips]

I really sorry lovely. BFNs are really really tough. Please don’t give up though, so many successful pregnancies happen on subsequent cycles. I’m sure your BFP is just around the corner. Hugs xxx

[XOXO13]

I really hope so 🤞🏻 Thank you 🧡

[Hidden]

I am so sorry to hear this. I am presently in the two week wait after a failed cycle. Both were/ are 5AAs so I thought it would be ok but I have lost faith too. My issue came from my husband too but then I feel there is so much focus on my body failing now.Have you tried acupuncture? I used to think it was utter crap but I conceived naturally with it before and am doing it this second time. One thing my acupuncturist said is I have a cold womb (I always am cold , cold feet , cold tummy). That's really bad for fertility so acupuncture for keeping the blood moving and always socks and slippers on to keep your feet warm. It sounds crazy but I believe it.

Fingers crossed for both of us on our FET. My brother and sister in law, who have the same issue, conceived through FET as our bodies are more receptive as we aren't pumped full of drugs and your body is ready for that egg 🤞🤞🤞🤞🤞 xxx

[XOXO13 in reply to Hidden]

Hey,

Eek fingers crossed for you - when’s your test day? This time I have w 3AA on board, my FET was yesterday.

I’m the same - my acupuncturist also told me I have a weak spleen and poor digestive system so I need to eat warm foods and keep my feet snug so I’ve been doing that!

I’ve got acupuncture tomorrow! I’ve felt a bit bloated and gassy tonight (apologies if that’s TMI) and my belly has been popping so hoping acupuncture will settle that and it doesn’t impact embaby!

Sorry you experienced a failed cycle, hopefully this time it’s better news for us both 🤍💫🤞🏻 Xxx

[Hidden in reply to XOXO13]

My acupuncturist says the same! I had a session today to try and get the blood moving. Lots of warm soups and food.My test date is next Friday, when is yours? I don't think I am going to test on the date as I feel so much pressure on that day... I just want to relax and do it over the weekend in our time. I was so heartbroken last time.

I am sooooo bloated, I can't bend over, but I was like that before so I think it's the progesterone. My poor husband, no one needs a gassy wife for romance! 😂

I keep waiting for symptoms... I was pregnant naturally our son 4 years ago and I don't know if I felt any signs (other than peeing all through the night and a blocked nose) but I am sitting around waiting for symptoms now. It's agony!!! Wishing you all the luck.

My sister in law (who had exactly the same issue, my brother has bad sperm morphology issues) conceived on FET. You are young and your eggs are young so I promise you will get there... they never thought they would and they did xxx

[XOXO13 in reply to Hidden]

Mine is next Saturday.. I’m nervous already but trying to keep positive. I’ve done everything to try put myself in a positive mindset so I just have to pray and hope it works 🙏🏼

I think it may be the progesterone too. I’m on 400mg morning and 400mg in the evening. This morning though I felt like it had leaked more than usual, so I text my consultant who told me to take an extra one at midday. How much progesterone are you on? I’m wondering if I should take three a day or stick to two. I read so much about progesterone levels!

It’s great that you conceived naturally before with your son. I conceived this time last year (found out I was pregnant a year ago Tuesday gone, the same day as my transfer) but that sadly ended in a miscarriage.

Symptom spotting is hard because not everyone gets symptoms and others get lots!

Thank you for the lovely reassurance .. I won’t give up ♥️

Good luck to you! Let’s hope next week we get our BFP!! 🤍💫 xxxx

[Hidden in reply to XOXO13]

I am on suppositories morning and night and now and injection before sleep; last time I bled before I was due to take my pregnancy test so they upped my dose. When I had Chloe I was 4 years younger and now I have just turned 38, after 2 what's of trying, so even though I have lots of eggs, they are aged. It just gives an added pressure of time on me.

Having a miscarriage is the hardest as it puts so much extra stress. Since it was natural that could have been due to your husbands sperm and this time they have picked the right ones to make the right eggs.

I had a faint pregnancy line, even though I was bleeding, the last time and the dr reminded me it's natures way of saving a child from chromosomes missing and therefore issues, as it wasn't growing right nature ended it. It almost makes it feel better as it will happen when it's perfect for you and your husband to make a perfect family. No matter how much we want it, we want it to be right xxxx

[XOXO13 in reply to Hidden]

Ah that’s good they’ve upped your dosage. I feel better being on an extra pessary a day - may text my consultant to see what she says as I don’t think additional progesterone is harmful.

And that’s very true what your doctor told you - in the moment, it’s just such a painful experience after trying for so long and having that hope. I was 12+5 when I found out baby’s heartbeat had stopped and 13+1 when I miscarried - it makes me nervous for when I’m pregnant again as I’ll always be worrying. But, I tell myself each new pregnancy is a new egg and sperm so here’s hoping the next one is okay!

I’ve just done my pessary and tablets, reading my book in bed to try get a good 8 hours!! Xx