Today should have been a happy day. My husband is going to have his sperm frozen as a back up and then next week we have our first meeting with an actual fertility doctor to go through my protocol.
It was all up to Mother Nature after that, my period needs to arrive before a certain date in October in order for us to start before Christmas.
Saturday morning I woke up a little drained, as I do after working long hours all week but me and my husband were laughing and joking in the kitchen when the post box went.
He said you have a letter- I though probs junk mail for a loan or credit card. Opened it and my heart sank. A few weeks ago I went for a cervical smear. I knew I something would come up and deep down didn’t want it as I wanted to concentrate on IVF after waiting a year to start! A whole year!! I have abnormal cells and they need investigating. If it is they are likely to be cancerous I’ve got to have them removed there and then. Now it says if you are already pregnant then they don’t remove them until after giving birth but if you get pregnant in the future then there’s a risk a baby is born premature.
So I’ve obviously got to tell the clinic this as much as I’d like to lie and just go ahead with our first round. My mum said you need to look after yourself and I can’t just lie about something like this just because I want something so much!
I’m just so angry that this has got in the way! But also feel numb.
What have we ever done in our past life- we need a break. Everyone else seems to sail through life so happily around us. We just go through the motions.