Advices on a surrogacy matter!

Advices on a surrogacy matter!

Hi all!

Have found your forum a wile ago. But decided to speak up only now. Hope someone can help me with some advice.

My name is Melissa, I’m 45 years old, married, have no kids. You can possibly already see the problem here. We’ve waited for too long. My husband is a diplomat, all our married life we were travelling from one country to another, we didn’t want our kids to experience such a strange life without their own place, without knowing where their home is. So we put the thought of having our own child away.

Now I regret that with all of my heart.

I went through 5 unsuccessful iui in about 4 years, now I am 45 and with each year the chances of me getting pregnant are smaller and smaller. I know that after that amount of unsuccessful ivfs you should go with a surrogacy. But I am genuinely scared of all the risks. Here in America this is really unstable to use a surrogate, because of all the legal issues. And also it is really expensive. I’ve heard that you can use a surrogacy services in clinics all over the world. But is it safe? Have someone of you experienced delivering a baby with a surrogate? I would appreciate some advices.

Thank you!

41 Replies

  • Hi- no personal experience of surrogacy but a good friend of mine is a trustee of a UK charity and had a baby through a surrogate (a wonderful experience for both her and surrogate and one she is trying to repeat). I think from your post that you are in the US but maybe you'll find some info on here that will help

    It really depends on where the problem might lie (other than natural ageing obviously!). It doesn't sound from your post as if you've done IVF- have you just done IUI? It's hard with IUI to know why you're not getting pregnant- whether it's a problem with the eggs, or implantation. So you might want to think about whether IVF/ICSI is an option for you. If its eggs that are the issue- you could consider donor eggs- lots of women in their 40s do this- I bet you the majority of these celebs who are miraculously getting pregnant in their late 40s are using donor eggs (Janet Jackson??!).

    There are still so many options for you if you still want to try them- don't give up if you still want it.


  • Hi I agree with JessR that looking at using donor eggs might be an option. I had some treatment in the Czech republic. At the time was a 43 yr old lady using donor eggs & she is now 5months pregnant (the cost is about £5k so much cheaper than the US). The other thing i'd suggest is reading 'it starts with the egg' by rebecca fett. She is an american scientist who did alot of research and gives alot of advise on supplements etc based on research studies.

    Good luck with your journey no matter where it takes you x

  • Thank you for your quick replies! I really appreciate it!

    I’m really nervous and worried right now. I think that’s why I’m going from one extreme to another. I’m going to manage an appt with the local dr to consult about all IVF/DE possibilities. As poochi said, these procedures are expensive in US, I might consider other options in Europe or elsewhere. Apart from Czech Republic, I’ve heard that there are good clinics in Ukraine and Russia…

  • Hi

    I am 43 nearly 44 and just gave birth to a gorgeous baby girl :-). Due to age i used donor eggs. I had a marvelous pregnancy, with only slightly raised BP at the end. So I would say you are definitely not to old to carry a child!.

    Wishing you all the best,


  • Thank you for your reply! You all are doing a good job of encouraging me! Lots of hugs!

  • Hi jhza700

    Lovely to hear your news of giving birth to your baby girl. many congratulations. I was wondering if I could possibly ask a few questions and share your experience.

    A little background about me. I am 44 this year and have had 6 failed ICSI cycles and lost 14 embryos. The nest step for us is to learn to live with the fact we will never have children or go down the donor egg route. The chances are far greater for us since the age of the donor is the factor rather than my age or quality of eggs etc.

    So could I ask is your baby girl your first child? How did you feel about going down the donor route and were you successful first time. Did you go down the donor route in the UK or abroad? How do you feel after giving birth? Will you tell your little girl when she gets older? Do family members know? Did you have any concerns about going down this route? Did you have counselling and what was involved with that????

    So so many questions.

    I would love to hear more about your experience.

  • Hi Dc,

    So sorry for the late reply, I have been really busy with the little one and settling in to motherhood :-)

    I am so sorry that you have had such a long unsuccessful journey, I know how hard a unsuccessful cycle is emotionally and physically *hugs*

    My ivf journey started around 3 years ago, although we had been trying for a few yrs before that. i had one unsuccessful cycle with my own eggs ( collected 2 eggs, zero fertilization ). then quickly moved on to DE, i didn't have counselling but could speak to a few good friends who had been through the process of ivf. I haven't told a lot of people about using DE, only a selected few that would understand and be supportive( i think on this journey you do find out who are your friends). I went abroad for DE ( PM if you would like info of the clinic) because of the cost; less expensive than the UK, donors are generally uni age and no waiting list. my clinic was also very professional and communication was second to none. I had one fresh transfer which resulted in a miss miscarriage, then a FET which has resulted in the birth of my little princess :-)

    I feel so very lucky to be her mother, the love is overwhelming! I don't have any issues due to her being from DE, I carried her for 9 months, gave birth to her and i am there for her at every moment. The fact is if i didn't have the help of a donor, i would never have been a mother, the donor gave me hope, when there was none. I am glad I made the decision to go down this route.

    i will tell my little one of her past, when she is age appropriate. what exactly i am going to say, i am not sure yet.

    I hope i have helped in some way.


  • We tried donor eggs for our third rounder if ICSI. The clinic reckoned we had 40% chance of success but sadly we didn't get pregnant. In the UK they'll treat ladies upto 50 years old with donor eggs. Have a look at the Donor Coneption website.

    I have no experience of surrogacy but it was mentioned as an option by our clinic.

  • I'm sorry you are having a difficult time-have you been told it may be difficult to carry a baby to term? I'm 44 with one failed IVF last month and the clinic are now pushing me toward donor egg option as they don't see issue with me carrying a child but they do see issue with the quality & reserve levels of my eggs...

    Like others have said this may be an option easier option for you and definitely cheaper abroad

  • Hi! Thank you for your reply! I've had an appt witha local dr. Test showed that I indeed can carry a baby. Yet in my country it is still too expensive. So I'm doing a research about international clinics. What I have found is that in Ukraine there are one really popular clinic where these procedures are provided. (if someone are interested in the name of the clinic you can PM me!) And also it is considerably cheap. I'm going to contact them to ask more questions. But I was advised to do so by lots of women. Hopefully everything will be okay!

    *and above everything I can colsult with them on surrogacy too.


  • Plenty of women over 40 have babies....just look at the celeb world. Cant tell me they've not been through clinic doors ! You postponed your family for honorable reasons at peace about that. Hope you have a great Dr to support you and your husband.

  • Thank you!! I've already found a suitable clinic in Ukraine (at least I hope so), sp am now going to contact it and hope that everything will go well!


  • Hi dear! Said to welcome you here!

    I’m Victoria, 50 years old. I went through a lot. My first pregnancy ended up m/c. I was 32 back then. I was receiving a treatment, having lots of appts, but unfortunately that all went for nothing. 2 years later I got pregnant for the second time. In this case everything felt different, first of all we were trying for a year, were going to the consultations but everything seemed fine…. Again it was a m/c. at that moment I lost it, I was depressed for about a year and a half. I am really thankful for my husband, for his patience.

    After 3 years we’ve decided to resume the tests and examinations in clinics, the doctors have said that I have an unexplained infertility. I’ve decided to do IVF procedure, but have failed 4 IVFs one by one. Nothing was working. So after a round of consultations, of months of research we have decided to try a surrogacy. I was researching on the internet for hours and finally we have found a Ukrainian clinic where all the procedures were done. We have concluded contract and now I am waiting for our surrogate mother to deliver! We hope for a boy, but everything is in the hands of God.

    To be quite honest, I was worried as much probably as you now, but our clinic has prepared everything so we would feel comfortable while staying in Ukraine. Our surrogate mother is a really nice woman with her own kids, we are glad we chose her. We considered a lot of clinics in USA, Russia, even Czech Republic. But we have decided to stay with one in Ukraine. There, for example, you have all the rights on your child; all the documents confirm that the baby is yours. And also it is much cheaper than you think.

    Sweetheart, I feel like it took really long to write my answer to you, so I’ll finish my reply. But if you are interested in my experience I can provide you with more information, just PM me!

    Have a great day!

    P.S By the way that clinic also provides IVF and DE procedures, so you have a choice.

  • Thank you for replying! I'm really glad you decided to share with all of us your experience! What is the clinic you were talking about, sounds amazing in my opinion. I think I need to check it out!

    Please write me more details about your journey to Ukraine.

    Have a great day!

  • The clinics name is BioTexCom. You can search it on the Web, it is really easy to find.

    We contacted the manager and were told that first of all we need to send them tests (blood, hormone, fluorography pictures). We were basically accepted due to our results were good. We went to Ukraine with previously prepared documents (marriage certificate, inquiry that testifies I can't give birth). We came to Kiev, we went through additional examinations, my husband made a sperm donation. We signed a contract on the first day, paid 1st installment and were off to go.

    Doctor chose for us a surrogate mother according to phenotype and 12 weeks later we were confirmed on a success of the pregnancy. We headed to Kiev and met Inna, surrogate mother of our future baby, we saw her most recent ultrasound and were satisfied with everything. We paid second payment and now are waiting for day of birth of our son!

    Hope this was helpful. On their site you will find more details, but I can answer you too.

  • So it is a boy! Congratulations!

    Yes, it was definitely more profound explanation of signing with a foreign clinic than I thought it would be.

    But is it really that necessary to be married to have a baby through surrogacy there in Ukraine?

    Or is it just the Bio tex thing?

  • It's due to law system of Ukraine. You just can't pretend being parent to a child if you do not have a husband in case of a surrogacy.

    But no worries for you, fortunately you have found a man of your life!

  • That's why! I understand now. Thank you for replying me!

    I'm browsing through their site for two days right now. Certainly will be contacting them as that amount of people recommends me to sign with them!

  • Good luck with that! I'm praying for you!

  • Thank you! I'm planning on making a post about our first meeting with biotex in Kiev!

  • I've also heard about biotex, but unfortunately have no experience with it. Anyways lots of great reviews have to encourage you.

    I wanted to add about Czech clinics, I know from my friend that their prices can be different from what they state. Basically they don't include many procedure prices in the whole cost of your treatment. You have to be careful with picking one up there.

    I see you have found someone to share the story with you. Wish you luck!

  • GabriellaST, hi!

    Thank you for commenting here! It's nice to know more details on foreign reproduction clinics.

    Have a great day!

  • Surrogacy is a great treatment of infertility. It’s nice you decided not to give up and look for options. I was diagnosed with glomerulonephritis after the birth of my first child. Because of this desease I had two pregnancy terminations. My dh and I decided to turn to surrogacy. It was our last chance to become parents. I was in search 24/7 during a couple of months. It was really hard to find a reliable clinic with affordable price. After some discussions with ladies on different forums we went to Ukrainian clinic biotexcom. The clinic provided us with everything needed, so we felt absolutely comfortable in foreign country. The whole process was under their control. They found surrogate mother for us in 2,5 months. Our son was born on October 2015. We paid approximately 40 000 euros for everything. Though there were so many people and lines were very long, but I think the result worth it)

  • Hello! Thank you for advising the clinic! I've already heard about it but reading another good review on it just makes it more and more desirable to sign with them. Thank you also for your support that means a lot to me!

    You say that they have found a surrogate in about two months? What is this a miracle or something? Unbelievable!

  • hi, our twin boys were conceived in Biotex, Kiev in 2014, born in 2015. I was also over 40 when my babies were born, so this isn't a point of concern. I'm sure they will help you. They do ICSI almost in all IVF procedures so it increases the success rate. Also, three embryos are usually transferred so i believe you'll get your bfp soon. like me. best wishes. feel free to pm me just in case

  • Hi!! :)

    Thanks for replying! Thanks for your kind words, that's really sweet of you! I have contacted the clinic already and we are talking about my surrogacy program, I have sent them all of the tests I've undergone and they said that I can apply for that one package where you can try 1 or 2 ivf de attempts before switching to surrogacy. I like that but still we need to check everything before. I do not think I am going to Kiev anytime soon cause bio tex for some reason clothes for 2 weeks in the next months. Maybe it is for better, I'll have some additional time to think! xx

  • surrogacy is absolutely safe if you deal with a right provider. finding gestational carrier on your own might be much risky than trusting a clinic. if you decide, please be very thorough in choosing your provider. contact only proven clinics with good overview and lots of successful stories

  • You are definitely right and that's why we all come here on the forum. Some of us to share our stories, some of us to seek for advices and after all we all get what we want. I've read lots of great reviews on the clinic I am going to choose and I am satisfied with how their managers work. We are talking a lot and I will have a month to think more about choosing the clinic but I am very positive about my decision.

  • if u have time and money to travel, you may visit several clinics you're opting. they usually don't take any charges for introductory consultations. you'll have a chance to ask all of your questions. thus it'll make your final decision more grounded. this is actually how we did in our surrogacy journey. in any case, do what's best for you. good luck x

  • Hi again. Sorry haven't responded you for the whole 6 days. Ooph. Were busy!

    You say you went through the surrogacy program?? Where? Can you tell me more? :)

    Thank you for wishing me good luck, I'll need that haha

  • yeah, donor eggs surrogacy. for us it was a bendy way. it still is. i'm worried for every single detail. our surro is 12 weeks pregnant. this last week was very important, many news and updates. she is in Kiev, Ukraine. unfortunately, we couldn't travel there again to meet our surro and to see the first ultrasound. in any case, our manager kept us updated.

    and what are your news?

  • What package exactly have you chosen? I am asking because we are signing with the clinic, had to take time because of husband's work. And I am advised to go straight with a surrogacy, my recent tests weren't that positive and the dr said that to me to get pregnant with ivf or icsi is almost impossible.. so now I am choosing between standard and vip contracts... Do not know what to choose..

    How is the baby, can you already see him on the picture? xo

  • congrats on your safe stage and the sweetest time of all pregnancy. that's fancy but we also signed up for surrogacy in Kiev. What clinic? Maybe we're opting the same?

  • thank you! it's a pleasure

    yes, it was a very important period. They send us photos of our babies in US and it was one of the best times of my life. we're waiting twins. also, all scans show low probability of genetic diseases. we waited for this time very anxiously.

    so, you're also with Ukrainian clinic? we're with Biotexcom, and you?

  • that's fancy! we're also with biotexcom. we've been to three clinics but after all chose biotex. their all inclusive packages was a very weighty argument. we signed up for standard package 39k. and you? are you satisfied with your tx and communication there? how many attempts did it take?


  • gosh, there're so many reproductive medicine clinics in ukraine, but most people still choose biotexcom. there must be certain magic beneath this success. lol.

    you know, for us, hopefully it worked from the very first attempt, but I know that some couples keep trying 5 and even more times. that's a despair. anyways, every new attempts cost is covered by the clinic. this is their "guaranteed success" principle. I guess this is the key factor for their popularity.

    our contract is economy 29k. of course, yours is better and has much more privileges like better accommodation and pediatrician after the baby is born. you also can do PGD for free. will you?

    for us, every cent was on count so we could afford only the cheapest contract. however, now I think we should have better signed for 39k contract. you see, we are waiting for twins to come. economy package doesn't cover expenses for premature delivery, unfortunately. in case of multiples, the chances of premature delivery increase dramatically. so probably we'll have to pay more.

    any updates with your program?

  • for us it worked from the second attempt in this particular clinic. we also have twins BTW

    good luck to you in your journey

    we had 39k contract and yes all medications and use of special equipment before the hospital discharged was covered by the clinic.

    when they let us home, there was a pediatrician who visited us every other day and also a baby sitter for 4 hours per day. it was very comfy. we even had time to drink a cup of tea in the cafe near our place.

    accommodation was super cool I mean interiors and facilities. The location could be better though. Our place was too remote from city center so we went sightseeing only a few times.

    with 29k, they provide smaller accommodation as far as I know still people told it was also clean and had all necessary equipment.

    btw, they have also VIP contract there where merely everything is included even choosing the baby's gender.

    I wonder is there anyone who used this contract in biotexcom?

  • Wow, so many reviews about biotexcom… To be honest, I don’t understand how can you be so positive about this clinic. My wife and I were there last month. We decided not to sign any contracts. We are now looking for another variants, which are more convenient for us. I can say nothing about doctors of this clinic or their professionalism. I can only say about first impression and my complete disappointment. When we entered the clinic, there were so many people! Lines were super long. Have their employees heard about work organization? We were literally shocked. All doctors were very busy with work. We were roaming from one medical office to another, looking for available doctor. We were standing in lines for hours! All seats were taken and there were even no place on stairs to seat. That was a real disaster! When it was finally our turn to meet a doctor, we were so exhausted. We had no desire to stay at such irresponsible clinic. Moreover signing any papers with them and pay money? No, thanks. I have shivers only imagining that each our visit be like this. To be honest, I’m impressed that they are able to find surrogate mothers so fast. Also prices in Ukraine are much lower than in any other country. Maybe it's price for all that tortures?) We thought we found perfect variant for us. Unfortunately first impression turned everything upside down. Anyway, we are not ready to bound ourselves to such “anthill”. They should think more about their clients! They should be much more responsible in their work. People go to this clinic for help and receive such negligence from the first step. Maybe our experience with this place will help someone not to hurry and think once more. And we will continue our search.

  • There are really many clinics in Ukraine and Russia. But there are a lot of cheaters among them. Be careful and pay attention to every single detail during your search. We’ve found a lot of good reviews about our clinic in the Internet. It's called BioTexCom. Also my colleague at work told me, that her friends visited clinic in Ukraine a couple of years ago. They found sm for them fast and she carried a baby for them. So I asked her to give me their phone number to talk with them directly. They told me about BioTexCom clinic. They were very satisfied with the process and the result. So after our conversation my husband and I contacted manager of the clinic by mail. We thought that it will take long to get the response. But in a couple of days we received a letter from the clinic with the questions to clarify the required info about my medical history. Also they needed our marriage certificate. After they got all required info we appointed date of our meeting with the doctor. Our main criteria were affordable price and high success rates. We considered Russia, but the fact, that they have a law, which says that surrogate mother is an actual mother, put us on guard. Who wants a stranger to take your baby away from you? Also there was an incident, when surrogate mother left child to herself and blackmailed couple, it was in the news. That’s why we decided to concentrate on Ukraine and we never regret. I liked that they have packages, which include all necessary services. So you pay single price and no more. The service was good enough. We were met at the airport by taxi driver. Also we were provided with accommodation and transportation. By the way clinic covers food supply. The clinic also provided us with English speaking manager. All these were included into our package. We didn't have to pay extra money. They have a website, where you can find all prices and terms.

  • yeah, we also had a maid who came daily and cooked food for us very tasty dishes of ukrainian and european cuisine. it was very comfy. everything fresh. we also had a babysitter covered by the clinic. they do everything to make your staying their maximally comfy. of course, we had a more expensive package that costs 39k thus we had better accommodation. but i've heard that those who had economy packages were also satisfied with the level of service. Donna, what package you signed for? what villa did you stay at?

  • Deen, I don't know what tortures you mean? We were treated very well throughout more than a year we were in surrogacy program. I had personal number of my manager so that I could contact her any time. She even answered on weekends and evening time. I'm really sorry if you had some bad experience. Who was your manager?

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