Advices on a surrogacy matter!

Advices on a surrogacy matter!

Hi all!

Have found your forum a wile ago. But decided to speak up only now. Hope someone can help me with some advice.

My name is Melissa, I’m 45 years old, married, have no kids. You can possibly already see the problem here. We’ve waited for too long. My husband is a diplomat, all our married life we were travelling from one country to another, we didn’t want our kids to experience such a strange life without their own place, without knowing where their home is. So we put the thought of having our own child away.

Now I regret that with all of my heart.

I went through 5 unsuccessful iui in about 4 years, now I am 45 and with each year the chances of me getting pregnant are smaller and smaller. I know that after that amount of unsuccessful ivfs you should go with a surrogacy. But I am genuinely scared of all the risks. Here in America this is really unstable to use a surrogate, because of all the legal issues. And also it is really expensive. I’ve heard that you can use a surrogacy services in clinics all over the world. But is it safe? Have someone of you experienced delivering a baby with a surrogate? I would appreciate some advices.

Thank you!

25 Replies

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  • Hi- no personal experience of surrogacy but a good friend of mine is a trustee of a UK charity and had a baby through a surrogate (a wonderful experience for both her and surrogate and one she is trying to repeat). I think from your post that you are in the US but maybe you'll find some info on here that will help surrogacyuk.org/home

    It really depends on where the problem might lie (other than natural ageing obviously!). It doesn't sound from your post as if you've done IVF- have you just done IUI? It's hard with IUI to know why you're not getting pregnant- whether it's a problem with the eggs, or implantation. So you might want to think about whether IVF/ICSI is an option for you. If its eggs that are the issue- you could consider donor eggs- lots of women in their 40s do this- I bet you the majority of these celebs who are miraculously getting pregnant in their late 40s are using donor eggs (Janet Jackson??!).

    There are still so many options for you if you still want to try them- don't give up if you still want it.

    x

  • Hi I agree with JessR that looking at using donor eggs might be an option. I had some treatment in the Czech republic. At the time was a 43 yr old lady using donor eggs & she is now 5months pregnant (the cost is about £5k so much cheaper than the US). The other thing i'd suggest is reading 'it starts with the egg' by rebecca fett. She is an american scientist who did alot of research and gives alot of advise on supplements etc based on research studies.

    Good luck with your journey no matter where it takes you x

  • Thank you for your quick replies! I really appreciate it!

    I’m really nervous and worried right now. I think that’s why I’m going from one extreme to another. I’m going to manage an appt with the local dr to consult about all IVF/DE possibilities. As poochi said, these procedures are expensive in US, I might consider other options in Europe or elsewhere. Apart from Czech Republic, I’ve heard that there are good clinics in Ukraine and Russia…

  • Hi

    I am 43 nearly 44 and just gave birth to a gorgeous baby girl :-). Due to age i used donor eggs. I had a marvelous pregnancy, with only slightly raised BP at the end. So I would say you are definitely not to old to carry a child!.

    Wishing you all the best,

    Jx

  • Thank you for your reply! You all are doing a good job of encouraging me! Lots of hugs!

  • Hi jhza700

    Lovely to hear your news of giving birth to your baby girl. many congratulations. I was wondering if I could possibly ask a few questions and share your experience.

    A little background about me. I am 44 this year and have had 6 failed ICSI cycles and lost 14 embryos. The nest step for us is to learn to live with the fact we will never have children or go down the donor egg route. The chances are far greater for us since the age of the donor is the factor rather than my age or quality of eggs etc.

    So could I ask is your baby girl your first child? How did you feel about going down the donor route and were you successful first time. Did you go down the donor route in the UK or abroad? How do you feel after giving birth? Will you tell your little girl when she gets older? Do family members know? Did you have any concerns about going down this route? Did you have counselling and what was involved with that????

    So so many questions.

    I would love to hear more about your experience.

  • Hi Dc,

    So sorry for the late reply, I have been really busy with the little one and settling in to motherhood :-)

    I am so sorry that you have had such a long unsuccessful journey, I know how hard a unsuccessful cycle is emotionally and physically *hugs*

    My ivf journey started around 3 years ago, although we had been trying for a few yrs before that. i had one unsuccessful cycle with my own eggs ( collected 2 eggs, zero fertilization ). then quickly moved on to DE, i didn't have counselling but could speak to a few good friends who had been through the process of ivf. I haven't told a lot of people about using DE, only a selected few that would understand and be supportive( i think on this journey you do find out who are your friends). I went abroad for DE ( PM if you would like info of the clinic) because of the cost; less expensive than the UK, donors are generally uni age and no waiting list. my clinic was also very professional and communication was second to none. I had one fresh transfer which resulted in a miss miscarriage, then a FET which has resulted in the birth of my little princess :-)

    I feel so very lucky to be her mother, the love is overwhelming! I don't have any issues due to her being from DE, I carried her for 9 months, gave birth to her and i am there for her at every moment. The fact is if i didn't have the help of a donor, i would never have been a mother, the donor gave me hope, when there was none. I am glad I made the decision to go down this route.

    i will tell my little one of her past, when she is age appropriate. what exactly i am going to say, i am not sure yet.

    I hope i have helped in some way.

    Jx

  • We tried donor eggs for our third rounder if ICSI. The clinic reckoned we had 40% chance of success but sadly we didn't get pregnant. In the UK they'll treat ladies upto 50 years old with donor eggs. Have a look at the Donor Coneption website.

    I have no experience of surrogacy but it was mentioned as an option by our clinic.

  • I'm sorry you are having a difficult time-have you been told it may be difficult to carry a baby to term? I'm 44 with one failed IVF last month and the clinic are now pushing me toward donor egg option as they don't see issue with me carrying a child but they do see issue with the quality & reserve levels of my eggs...

    Like others have said this may be an option easier option for you and definitely cheaper abroad

  • Hi! Thank you for your reply! I've had an appt witha local dr. Test showed that I indeed can carry a baby. Yet in my country it is still too expensive. So I'm doing a research about international clinics. What I have found is that in Ukraine there are one really popular clinic where these procedures are provided. (if someone are interested in the name of the clinic you can PM me!) And also it is considerably cheap. I'm going to contact them to ask more questions. But I was advised to do so by lots of women. Hopefully everything will be okay!

    *and above everything I can colsult with them on surrogacy too.

    xx

  • Plenty of women over 40 have babies....just look at the celeb world. Cant tell me they've not been through clinic doors ! You postponed your family for honorable reasons ..be at peace about that. Hope you have a great Dr to support you and your husband.

  • Thank you!! I've already found a suitable clinic in Ukraine (at least I hope so), sp am now going to contact it and hope that everything will go well!

    xx

  • Thank you for replying! I'm really glad you decided to share with all of us your experience! What is the clinic you were talking about, sounds amazing in my opinion. I think I need to check it out!

    Please write me more details about your journey to Ukraine.

    Have a great day!

  • That's why! I understand now. Thank you for replying me!

    I'm browsing through their site for two days right now. Certainly will be contacting them as that amount of people recommends me to sign with them!

  • GabriellaST, hi!

    Thank you for commenting here! It's nice to know more details on foreign reproduction clinics.

    Have a great day!

  • Hello! Thank you for advising the clinic! I've already heard about it but reading another good review on it just makes it more and more desirable to sign with them. Thank you also for your support that means a lot to me!

    You say that they have found a surrogate in about two months? What is this a miracle or something? Unbelievable!

  • surrogacy is absolutely safe if you deal with a right provider. finding gestational carrier on your own might be much risky than trusting a clinic. if you decide, please be very thorough in choosing your provider. contact only proven clinics with good overview and lots of successful stories

  • You are definitely right and that's why we all come here on the forum. Some of us to share our stories, some of us to seek for advices and after all we all get what we want. I've read lots of great reviews on the clinic I am going to choose and I am satisfied with how their managers work. We are talking a lot and I will have a month to think more about choosing the clinic but I am very positive about my decision.

  • if u have time and money to travel, you may visit several clinics you're opting. they usually don't take any charges for introductory consultations. you'll have a chance to ask all of your questions. thus it'll make your final decision more grounded. this is actually how we did in our surrogacy journey. in any case, do what's best for you. good luck x

  • Hi again. Sorry haven't responded you for the whole 6 days. Ooph. Were busy!

    You say you went through the surrogacy program?? Where? Can you tell me more? :)

    Thank you for wishing me good luck, I'll need that haha

  • yeah, donor eggs surrogacy. for us it was a bendy way. it still is. i'm worried for every single detail. our surro is 12 weeks pregnant. this last week was very important, many news and updates. she is in Kiev, Ukraine. unfortunately, we couldn't travel there again to meet our surro and to see the first ultrasound. in any case, our manager kept us updated.

    and what are your news?

  • What package exactly have you chosen? I am asking because we are signing with the clinic, had to take time because of husband's work. And I am advised to go straight with a surrogacy, my recent tests weren't that positive and the dr said that to me to get pregnant with ivf or icsi is almost impossible.. so now I am choosing between standard and vip contracts... Do not know what to choose..

    How is the baby, can you already see him on the picture? xo

  • yeah, we also had a maid who came daily and cooked food for us very tasty dishes of ukrainian and european cuisine. it was very comfy. everything fresh. we also had a babysitter covered by the clinic. they do everything to make your staying their maximally comfy. of course, we had a more expensive package that costs 39k thus we had better accommodation. but i've heard that those who had economy packages were also satisfied with the level of service. Donna, what package you signed for? what villa did you stay at?

  • Deen, I don't know what tortures you mean? We were treated very well throughout more than a year we were in surrogacy program. I had personal number of my manager so that I could contact her any time. She even answered on weekends and evening time. I'm really sorry if you had some bad experience. Who was your manager?

  • dear lotus123, they will transfer only 1 embryo if you don't want twins. you just need to discuss it with your doctor. you should also realize that with a single embryo transferred you have less chance for positive. still, this is your baby and you're the one to take the decision (and your partner, of course)

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