Relationship struggles

[Hoping2019]

Argh had a conversation with my husband earlier and think the pressure of TTC, 5 failed IVFs and the last one ending in miscarriage has really got to us both. He's really down about everything and said maybe its fate its not working - basically maybe we aren't right together which is pretty poo to hear. He's a lovely guy and I know he's just struggling as we're both stuck in this never ending cycle of crap trying to get the other side and honestly I've wondered if it's fate too. He's gone to inlaws 2 hours away to hopefully see some friends down there too and I understand he needs some headspace but feeling a bit sorry for myself too! Only so much tv a girl can watch on her own. I struggle talking about how I feel with family so haven't told my mum etc and I don't want her having bad feelings towards him. Gutting if at the end of all this we end up separating - not sure what I'd do with myself as who wants to be with a wreck! This is all so tough :S x

[kitscat]

Oh I’m so sorry to hear everything you are going through. I think it’s only natural to feel low and for it to put a strain on your relationship. Have you had a break between cycles? Maybe you need some time off and spend it doing things you enjoy as a couple-talking about IVF/infertility should be banned then you will remember why you are together. You need to talk to someone close to you-can you talk to any friends? Thinking of you xx

[Drives]

Oh lovely. So sorry to read your post. You guys have been through so much, it's completely understandable that you might need a break from IVF.

Have you tried counselling? If you can't talk to your family or close friends this may help...?

I also think Kitscat's suggestion of a break from IVF and spending some quality time together may be just what you need. This rollercoaster of a journey can completely take over your life (and not in a good way).

Sending you lots of love and really hope you can work things out x x x x x

[fridayfever]

Oh bless, I can totally understand how you feel as myself and husband have had very same conversations about our unexplained fertility and that whether that is trying to tell us something.

I know that men don't always talk about their feelings which isn't always helpful.

You can always rely on the girls in this group to support each other and share that your not going though something someone else hasn't or isn't going through before.

Have you got a friend who can stay with you?xx

[RockPig]

I can’t say anything that’s going to make what you’re going through any easier because it’s just pure pants, but I just wanted to send you hugs. MC is really tough to deal with but remember, if you can do it once you can do it again - and the next one might stick.

[Emma04]

It’s just such a tough thing for you both to go through isn’t it? As others have said have you both had counselling, that really put some perspective for me on how my husband was actually feeling as he felt he couldn’t say too much to me due to the fact I was the one going through the procedures. For us it really really helped.i know you probably don’t want to but if you have had back to back cycles a break might be a good idea to try and be yourselves again. Whatever you decide to do I wish you both lots of luck. This is such tough journey xxx

[LKT1]

Hopefully he just needs a bit of space. Definitely think you need to put a pause on Ivf and just spend time enjoying being with each other for a while. If you can rebuild your positive relationship (fingers crossed for you) then you can have counselling as it can really help. Ultimately this awful situation that we are all in can be life changing stuff for everyone involved. If the IVF is too much of a strain then could you consider other options together like adoption of fostering? Wish you the best of luck and I hope things turn out well for you xx

[Hoping2019 in reply to LKT1]

Thank you I have asked clinic for a counselling appointment as I feel so down xx

[Hoping2019]

Thanks everyone for the responses - we have had a few months break and still one more month before next cycle. I’ll just have to wait and see what he says when he comes home today eeek. I know I can be a stress head with all this stuff and need to give him his own time and space so hopefully he can see it’s just the situation and not me in general that’s the problem! X

[Drives in reply to Hoping2019]

Will be thinking of you and hope you guys can work through this x x

[Hoping2019 in reply to Drives]

Thank you xx

[3005]

Sorry you’re going through this hunny, and I see that you say you struggle to talk about it but you very bravely just told us. Talking about this shit really does help to get things off your chest, to not have anyone to talk to just says to me that you might be bottling it all up which is not good for either of you. I can honestly recommend counselling it’s daunting yes but if nothing else it should help you to better understand each other. Mine ultimately helped me realise we’re on the same journey but could possibly be walking on different sides of the street and that is fine it’s just that we both have our own thoughts and feelings about it and maybe deal with it differently, however we are still both walking towards the same destination and we will reach the end, whatever that may be.

I hope you can sort this out and please know you’re not alone in all this and don’t have to be xxx

[Hoping2019 in reply to 3005]

Thanks I put an update below but have also emailed clinic for a counselling appt xx

[Hoping2019]

Thanks everyone unfortunately not looking good for us. He came back earlier today and said it didn’t feel like home and he was physically sick. We had a bit of a chat and a few hugs and then I left him to rest a bit and then he went to a friends and still not home. I get he needs some headspace and he hasn’t directly said it’s me but at same time he hasn’t text me since he left and it’s half 11 so I’m lying in bed feeling sick with anxiety. I did tell a couple of friends and mum how I’m feeling and told my mum I know I’ve not been easiest since miscarriage so can see how maybe I’ve pushed him away. Scared of him leaving me and then also what would I do next - I didn’t just want a baby I wanted a family with him. I feel really down and been hitting myself as I’m to blame and I’ve created the situation. At same time I can’t help feeling hurt and angry that he’s just gone off. Just so difficult I don’t know what to do. 😢 sorry for the rant xx

[Hidden]

First things first. You need self care as soon as possible. Do something that makes you happy and start taking care of yourself. Take a break from treatments and look after yourself. He will be back but it will take time. Let him have his self care. He will be more willing to come back when you're calm relaxed and happy. And the only way is if you're taking good care of yourself. Give it some time. IVF does horrible things to relationships sometimes, but you can survive this.