It’s only taken 10 months- 10 months on top of 2 years of trying naturally!
But hey ho we got there in the end!
I know we are no where near the end. The end will be when we finally get to hold a baby in our arms and that won’t be the end it will be the beginning but the end of a turmoil journey.
The last 10 months have been, well let’s just say a rollercoaster! I was signed off with the stress of our diagnosis 10 months ago. Went back to work, too soon, but I went. Changed our lifestyle, took up running and smashed a 5K! Decided I didn’t want to run anymore and just walked my dogs and even went on a bike ride. Been on a few trips which are all well and good until you return home and faced with the reality. Had to hear my best friend is pregnant, had to watch my niece come into the family and was signed off again with work related stress. Over the last 8 weeks I’ve done everything that people have told me to do, gone on holiday, twice, enjoyed a few drinks, taken my anti-depressants, which I didn’t know I needed and il elaborate on this. I’ve arranged counselling, went to a summer school and gained a qualification and have set up a little business to keep me occupied and finally chased up our funding referral.
So this week after receiving a phone call appointment with a counsellor, my thoughts and feelings are not wrong. They are perfectly normal and in fact nothings been resolved. I questioned the pills and they have now been put to a slightly higher dose because I am actually and have been battling with depression and anxiety and quite severe depression. Yes it may have started back when we were in limbo trying naturally and spiralled when we were diagnosed but I’ve tried to fight it with all I have mentioned above, tried to be and I’m sick of this word “positive”. The work stress and our fertility struggles have lead me to this dark place I intend of getting out of! As it stands I am returning to work on Monday with a fit note which states what my employer has to do in order for me to stay in work. I will be visiting my GP every 4 weeks to review my tablets and fit note and this puts me at ease.
So now it’s time to not allow my work to impact my home life and not let our infertility affect my work life. It’s easier said than done, especially when it’s a struggle to even get out of bed and socialise most days but I’m going to give it my best shot and with this mind set I’m hoping that in the next two months I won’t be writing feelings and ranting about the same sh*t, I can actually talk about our ICSI journey.
I’m not even thinking beyond what happens after beginning treatment as that makes my anxiety hit the roof.
On the plus side, my BMI is perfect now. All the stress and strain I’ve felt has made my weight plummet so I have no worries of the clinic using my weight as a reason for it not to work.
All I can say now is- It has to work or I really don’t know.
sorry if I have rambled on but I use this forum as a diary so that one day I can look back at my journey and I am hoping that this post makes others seek the help they need to battle mental health. If only I’ve helped or reassured one person the this post was worth it x
In case anyone wants a non-judgemental space just to be angry for a second!
is this positive or indent/evap lines? 10dpo
Op 😬😬
Fourth ICSI 7DPT & terrified 
It’s time for our journey to come to an end 
