The bigger the high, the bigger the lows!

[PurpleLove19]

I’ve not been on properly for a week or so as I’ve been so busy.

I’m now on my EASTER break from work and it’s been the longest term at school ever!

I have mentioned on a post before that I was signed off for 4 weeks before Christmas when we found out the route of our fertility problems.

I knew when I returned that I’d be treated like I’d never been away but I expected more compassion. I’ve plodded on everyday and in a good way it’s distracted my mind from our fertility struggles. But is this healthy? It’s only when I stop that it consumes my mind. I go for dog walks and runs. My husband and I went away last weekend and had the most amazing time. I was on such a high but then our moods come crashing down this weekend. We have our second appointment next week at the clinic where we will hopefully know dates but then I have had second thoughts whether I want to start treatment whilst still in work. I’ve mentioned to my husband about waiting until the summer holidays but he is against the idea. Its taken me six months to get to a positive mind set that I’m so scared of the treatment not working that it will bring me back to that dark place I was in six months ago. I struggled to get out of bed, shut myself off from family and friends.

I’ve signed off social media as that’s not helping me at the moment. My cousin and his girlfriend are expecting in May and I’ve beaten myself up about not seeing them or not wanting to visit the baby girl when she’s here. I hate myself for it but I just can’t handle all the happiness of others.

If the clinic say we can start our first cycle this month or next I think it is safe for me to get a doctors note. I don’t see why I should put my mind and body under so much pressure. I’ve given my job my all for 6 years and I don’t feel appreciated.

My boss has arranged for me to carry out tasks as soon as we return after the break and she’s not considered my situation. People say it’s time for me to put us first.

Has anyone been or is in a similar situation or mind set.

Speaking to my mum she’s all for me going off work but I’ve said I’m not sure doctors sign you off for fertility treatment as it’s not an illness and said to say it’s work related stress. It is in a way. I’ve been allowed to attends appointments in work time- some have been in my own time but with the amount of time il need out for scans or tests during the first cycle alongside the traveling to the clinic it may be too much. Our clinic isn’t on our doorstep.

xxxxx

[Muppetgirl]

I'm a teacher. It's hard to do this during term time. Due to my age I'm having to do this in the UK. ( I live in Europe). It's easier to relax in school hols. Then you can be selfish and dedicate all your thinking time to it.

Good luck with what you decide.

[ArienAnwamane]

Check your leave allowances. You'll probably be entitled to paid time of for fertility treatment, but check what it says about having a week off when treatment starts. Maybe a doctor could put you on bed rest?

As for what's healthy: it seems to me that you and your husband are focussing on spending time together, that you're being productive and throwing yourself into tasks. Keeping your mind busy helps to keep you from dwelling on your bad news. This is giving your brain time to heal from the trauma (nb i'm not a doctor!!). When you do stop and think, you can focus your thoughts into something productive. I think it's a good thing as long as you're not avoiding it altogether. Good luck with your treatment! Xxx

[PurpleLove19 in reply to ArienAnwamane]

I am entitled to 6 days in appointments and then if I ring in sick during treatment it will go down as absence. I’m entitled to 1 week after ET I think x

[EmGLA in reply to PurpleLove19]

Hello

This sounds like you a very difficult situation. I wonder if waiting for the summer holidays would be for the best as I worry you could be anxious about returning to work so quickly if the doctor did sign you off, and you definitely don't need any added worry. If you ring in your work as sick it will go down as an absence but if you tell them you are attending for IVF it can't be counted against you (you may have to take time or unpaid leave however) I've put the link for the legal position below.

acas.org.uk/index.aspx?arti...

It may be worth speaking to your clinic. Mine have given me such good advice around a similar situation and we have decided to wait until July to start (after work deadlines and hen partys and pre-booked holidays are passed). They are also going to try their best to schedule the appointments really early so it doesn't interfere with my work so much.

I hope you get things sorted! Best of luck!!!

xxxx

[Hidden]

You don't have to be signed off due to work related stress. It can be just stress. I had to have 5 months off last year as I realised I just couldn't do it any more. I wasn't able to do my job to the level that I wanted and I had just got another bfn. Sometimes you just have to know when to say enough is enough. We are not robots. The happy ending here is that during my time off we tried again, this was after I had spent time healing (mindfulness, joined a choir, counselling, kinesiology etc). Just taking time out and learning how to be me. We tried again in March last year and got our first ever bfp. At last we knew it was possible! It was bitter sweet as we ended up having two empty sacs. However, knowing that it was possible we tried again in October and I am now 28 weeks pregnant. If you can, get signed off. Stay in bed for a few weeks, do whatever it is that you need to do. Then try again. Big hugs and good luck xxx

[PurpleLove19 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you hun.

I just get really scared about going the doctors I’ve only ever been signed off twice. One time was for anxiety and then the time we found out. I took my nan with me the first time and she requested a sick note and it went down as “Domestic stress” and when I went for an extension on it she said in her kind words that it’s something I’ve go to live with so I’ve got to return to work as soon as I can. It pressured me and I went back too soon.

Now I’m back here! Worrying about how I will cope? My boss shows now compassion really so I thought why should I but then I feel guilty on everyone else who has to fill in and the kids that loose their teacher.

Congratulations on your pregnancy. I really hope I get some positive news this year or I do worry about my mental health. My husband is so low too.

I had a dream I was pregnant the other night and now I’m thinking it will only ever be a dream x

[Hidden in reply to PurpleLove19]

It wont just be a dream. You will get there. I did have to use donor eggs in the end. But I didn't care about that. It takes one egg, one sperm, a lot of love and determination. But we do get there in the end. Otherwise none of us would be here on this forum.

If your dr isn't understanding then I would ask for another one. Good luck and allow yourself to be. Xx

[ScanNoirFan]

Hi.

I also work in a school and was determined to carry on as best as I could.

Three days into the treatment starting, I went to the GP and explained how hard I was finding it to balance all the appointments, with having an unsupportive employer. I felt that for once, I was going to put myself first. I didn't want to look back on our treatment cycle with any regrets over not giving it my best shot.

She signed me off under 'IVF treatment' for ten days.

My egg collection and embryo transfer fell in the Easter holidays so that was fine.

Test date is Tuesday, the day I'm due back at work. Not sure how I'm going to manage that, but I suppose life has to go on either way.

Being off work during the treatment had its pros and cons.

I wasn't stressing about getting back to school after appointments, or trying to explain to HR about why appointments changed so often.

However, I felt a constant sense of guilt about my colleague having to do my work when I wasn't 'really' ill. Also not looking forward to questions about why I was off when I go back. Think I'll just be honest.

Good luck with whatever you decide x

[PurpleLove19 in reply to ScanNoirFan]

I read somewhere that if you get signed off with “IVF Treatment” then your employer can decide it to pay you or not? But then I think I’ve googled the hell out of everything I’m just seeing the worse case scenarios.

I know that being in work will have its pros- distraction but there are more cons if I’m honest.

Home is my happy place. My husband works early shifts so he’s home just after lunch so there’s plenty to keep my mind occupied. He wants me to go off as he sees the strain it has on me daily.

People at work know my situation, I find it easier people knowing. I think I’m dreading what it will do to me if it is a negative.

I hope you get a positive on Tuesday. X

[LKT1]

Hi 👋 I feel for you as I’m an primary teacher and had our first round of ivf in term time. Luckily my egg collection fell over Christmas. In all honesty there are pros and cons. Being at work during your 2ww keeps you busy and distracted I would def go out of my mind at home all day for a 2ww. However, if doesn’t work...like sadly didn’t for us, you start to question if you have over done things. I was under a lot of stress as I have a lot of outbursts in my classroom which just didn’t feel safe.

We have decided to wait for our 2nd round for summer holidays. Had I had a different class I may have been happy to try again term time. I think you just need to weigh up pros/cons and risks as only you know what your work environment is like.

I know you don’t feel supported by school but try not to take that to heart. School staff sadly have no time for anything or anyone these days. It shouldn’t be how it is but remember it’s nothing personal.

I struggled with anxiety in the past. From my experience (and I know everyone is different) I was worse when I stayed home and cut my self off. It turns into a negative cycle when you are only alone with your thoughts. I had counselling through the iTalk service which you can self refer to. They were really helpful so may be worth getting in touch with them if you are not already.

Anyway I hope you make the decision which is right for you. Whilst its a decision you should make together remember it’s your body so make sure you are ready. Wishing you all the best.

X

[PurpleLove19 in reply to LKT1]

I’m going to just go day by day step by step.

We really can’t wait any longer- my husband is getting really impatient and I just want to get going. If it doesn’t work I’d like to think my six weeks hols can be used to go on a holiday and prepare for a second go.

My environment at work can vary. I get ran into quite often by children, I have to really be firm about that. The behaviour of my class is really draining too!

Thanks x