Still finding it hard

[Skippy1982]

So I posted a little while ago about my best mate being pregnant after one month of trying. I’m happy for her but just highlights my sadness as I want this so bad. She’s just been for her 12 week scan and sent the pic through to me and our other friends. We are going on a hen do tomorrow and tbh I’m dreading it. The last thing i want to do is spend the weekend with her when I’m feeling sorry for myself. I can’t seem to snap out of it. No one else gets how I feel 😥xx

[Hidden]

If the party is going to upset you then don't go. The scan news I feel was like the reopening of the wound that came when you found out the news and of course you are glad for her and wouldn't wish her ill but sad for yourself and your situation as you feel like its not fair.

If you explain that you are glad for her but sorry for you as the reason you aren't going to the party then if she's a true friend she will understand.

[Skippy1982 in reply to Hidden]

Thanks for your reply catgirl. I have to go to the party cos it’s a weekend away and I can’t let my other friend down. I’m her bridesmaid and I’ve organised it all! I just wish my friends pregnancy didn’t make me feel like this. 😔

[Hidden in reply to Skippy1982]

That's it. No one plans to feel envious on purpose out of deliberate malice it's just one of those things that happens and when you go try to put on a big fake smile and when it's all finished let it out by having a good old cry as I find a good old cry really helps me when I feel like that.

[Skippy1982 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you! Xx

[Shirazlover2013]

I always dread events like this that bring me into contact with my pregnant friends. But when I’m there I remember how much I enjoy their company. It hurts like a bitch when we think about it too much and summoning the strength to attend the events is tricky. But so far I haven’t regretted going to an event. I’m currently trying to convince myself to reply to an invite to a 4y/o bday party where the mum is 7mths pregnant with twins 😒

Given you’ve got an entire weekend away to cope with I’d suggest trying to keep busy and focus on the hen and bridesmaid duty stuff. If they start talking baby then excuse yourself and go join some others to chat. And if you’re drinking be wary of quantities, it can bring out the emotions a bit too much and the hangover sadness combo is shit. But if I sound too much like your mother then ignore me and go for it!! Cheers 🍸

[Skippy1982 in reply to Shirazlover2013]

Thank you Shirazlover ! You don’t sound Like my mother lol! Good advice, I’m going to let my hair down and have a few drinks but not going crazy as I fear like you said emotions might come flooding out! It is so hard! You’re obviously a good friend to your friends attending their kids events! I should be more like you!! Thank you xxx

[Shirazlover2013 in reply to Skippy1982]

Phew! To be honest I don’t go for them, I try to go for myself so I don’t feel any more isolated than I already do. And there are some that I excuse myself from if I don’t feel it’s worth it. Not such a saint now eh 😜

[Nodds]

Does your friend know about your situation? If she does, I expect she's feeling awkward and doesn't want to upset you, but doesn't know what to do for the best. Perhaps drop her a text (speaking can sometimes be harder and leads to tears), explain that you're happy for her but are struggling with being around pregnant ladies at the moment and so if you're not your usual self, she knows its not her and not to take it personally. It won't be forever, so just give you a bit of space. If she doesn't know, I think now would be a good time to explain.

From experience; real friends will support and empathise with you.

You're stronger than you think xx

[Hidden in reply to Nodds]

That's it most people understand when you explain you are glad for them and wouldn't wish them ill but sad for you. If they are genuine they understand.

[kitscat]

I agree Shiraz lover, you are a good friend.

I think it’s envy that I have been feeling too and it’s a very difficult emotion as it makes you feel so guilty.

But Skippy you are a good friend too and you shouldn’t feel bad for how you feel. It’s natural. I agree with what everyone has said. Excuse yourself from baby talk, focus on the task in hand, enjoy it as much as you can and have something to look forward to when you come home.

Your time will come. Xx

[Hidden in reply to kitscat]

With envy you don't get any enjoyment of it and I find that I hate the fact that I feel that way.

[Skippy1982]

Thank you. yes she knows my situation. She told me she was pregnant 3 days post my 3rd transfer which I could have done without tbh!! I have sent her a text that I’m happy for her and sorry if I’ve been quiet so she gets it. Its just seein her scan pic has made me think about it all again and just feel hard done by this fertility journey!! All though I know I’m still really lucky to be on my 1st round and haven’t had to go through half the things some of you lovely ladies on here have to endure! Yet these ugly feelings keep tearing their head!! Good luck to you all xxx

[Kyell2]

Aw it’s just so tough dealing with the pregnant BF. You are happy for them but there’s still an element of sadness.

I’m really close to mine and she got pregnant for the second time just as we were told that my OH had no sperm. She told me straight away and I was randomly ok with it, my OH less so and he really distanced himself from them.

You can’t help how you feel...the good news is that pregnant ladies never last long on a hen night so I predict she’ll retire to her room early letting you have some space.

Enjoy your night as best you can xx

[Skippy1982 in reply to Kyell2]

Thank you lovely for understanding how I feel! Good luck to you on your journey. I’m going to try and put it to the back of my mind and enjoy myself xxx

[CLou21]

One of my friends announced her pregnancy by posting her scan photo into our group chat on Monday, whilst I was at work- bit of a kick in the stomach! It really took me by surprise, but Im happy for her because its one of the happiest times in her life!

Its hard not to be upset by other people good news, especially when they find it so easy and we have to endure all this. The thing I find worse is people asking when I’m going to have a baby, and I havent shared my situation with many people at all x

[Skippy1982]

Kick in the stomach is exactly how it feels!! Totally feel you when people ask! Thankfully people have stopped asking me now! Good luck on your journey! Hopefully we will all get there eventually xxx

[Bridget_rose]

I really feel your pain on this one. I have been through so many pregnancy announcements, scan pics thrust under my nose or popping up in a group message (HATE this btw!). The hardest of all for me was my best friend. Even harder than both of our little sisters announcing. My BF had tried for years and had given up all hope so we were going to be childless together! Then she fell pregnant. I cried when she told me (bad friend!). But actually that day was the worst and after that I have had so much joy from her pregnancy and her little girl. We have a new member of our best friend team and I love her so much. She’s like a mini version of my BF. I hope this weekend isn’t too painful for you. I find the breaking of the news the worst bit and then when you see your friends you are reminded how awesome they are. It’ll be your turn soon xxx

[Skippy1982 in reply to Bridget_rose]

Aw thank you Bridget! That’s exactly how it happened she sent scan pic in the group chat. I was expecting it but thought I’d be ok with it but I wasn’t! 😔Your not a bad friend for crying when your friend told you. Mine told me over the phone and I just managed to hold it together until I put the phone down. I think you’re right the breaking of the news is the worst part. Hope I’ll be able to put it behind me and enjoy it. It takes a self woman to put a friend and her little one first so I’m inspired by you! Thank you xxx

[Refocus]

Hi Skippy, I've been here so many times. Does she know your situation? There'll be lots of people on the hen do, so I would spend your time talking to those that aren't pregnant and meeting any new girls you don't know in the hen do. Being a bridesmaid it's a great excuse to flit in and out of conversations that upset you. I've found heading these situations Head on have been good, keeps you strong in the long run, even if at the time it's painful. Good luck xxx

[May37]

I think speak to get if you haven't akready. Tell her you're really happy for her but it's hard for you to deal with cause of what you've been through. Tell her you will be coming, but you might need space in your own to go for a walk etc if there's lots of baby talk. If like you say you have to go, make it work for you x

[pj2232019]

You are perfectly normal, I couldn’t tell you how many baby showers I had to endure and baby’s 1st birthdays, yes I was happy for them, but envied and just wanted to be them. I even had to support someone within my working role to have a termination at 23weeks. I lost the plot (after I completed the support), as I had literally just had my transfer the day before and I was a mess, the stress was unbearable. Constantly being told there was no reason to why I should not be pregnant. 4 failed attempts. On the 5th go, I quit my job, I quit the clinic here in the UK and I went for treatment to Abroad for a month. I was lucky, the 5th go worked. Women who can just get pregnant have absolutely no idea what we go through, even when we explain. Be kind to yourself and don’t hold it in, I did and then totally lost it, although it turned out to be the best thing I did. I wish you all the luck.

[Skippy1982 in reply to pj2232019]

Thank you, I don’t blame you for losing the plot- that must have been so tough to be faced with when it’s what your trying so hard to achieve! Good luck to you xxx

[Skippy1982]

Hello, thank you to all the lovely ladies who replied to my message and gave me some good advice! I’ve just got back from the hen do and I managed to have a great time. I had a heart to heart with my bf and told her how despite being really happy for her I’m finding it really tough but it’s my fertility situation and not her! I had a little cry as she was really sweet about it all and genuinely only wants the best for me too. I feel so much better that I’ve cleared the air and we were able to have fun together! I’m going to enjoy my summer now and get ready to give it some 💪🏻in my next frozen round probably in Sept now!

Thank you and wishing you all so much good luck & happiness xxx💕