Just by way of update - yesterday I found out my first IVF cycle failed - I had a 3 day 2 embryo transfer.
I expected as much, but that didn’t stop the feelings of guilt, grief, loss and hopelessness, particularly as I have just turned 35 and have no frozen embryos!
I just wanted to know - what happens next? Do you ladies stick to the same hospital/clinic? How do you know when to start again? How does the sadness and guilt go away?
Also to my fellow ladies who had positives this week already - amazing news and it’s kept me going - knowing there is hope!
Xx
Written by
WorthyS
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Hey there, so sorry to hear this, it’s a painful process and everything your feeling is normal and I’m pretty sure everyone of us on here can relate to.
Just take things one day at a time and give your self chance to process everything. Grieve and feel sad and take time for you over the next few days but Please don’t feel guilty, this is not your fault , sadly sometimes even the best of embryos just don’t take. You will in time see that the pain eases and you will get yourself ready to try again if that’s what you wish but don’t ever blame yourself.
There are counseling services that may help To chat through how you’re feeling. I wish I’d used these after my failed transfer as whilst friends and family (we only told mums and very close friends) they were well meaning but can say things that when you’re so full of grief that They can end up annoying you!!! Best one to date was MIL saying “ well at least your bits may be working better now“!!!😡 Lol this is the logic of people who don’t get IVF and one who certainly didn’t get the reasons we are needing it in the first place!!! I literally felt like shouting at her ! I had to walk away as was so annoyed at her and bless it truly was just all she could think of to say I think!! 🙄
Use this forum honey, shout and scream about the unfairness if it all - we all get it believe me but don’t ever ever blame yourself 💕💕💕
Sorry it was negative. Same thing happened to me on first round. I think it’s worse on your first round at you have naive hope, on the next rounds I found I was less hopeful to self preserve. What next... depends on your situation. Do you have further nhs funded rounds, if so I expect you’ll want to use them. If not, it’s only private and the choice is yours. Many clinics have open days (which I imagine are online currently). I started again as soon as I could get an appt at my selected private clinic. I think infertility sadness never goes away, it’s definitely impacted who I am. But I keep positive by having my next step planned so I can focus on that. Make sure you take care of yourself this week, negatives are so hard so you need some ‘me’ time xx
Thank you for getting back to me - I only had one round of NHS funding - my London borough isn’t so great- unless I am missing a trick. The market for private clinics seems so saturated- in already so confused. I do want to start again ASAP - any recommendations for clinics (ofc private) would be appreciated xx
I only had one round as well. Yes it is tough deciding. I’ll private message where I am x
So sorry that it didn't work. But it rarely does on the first try. 35 is still young, don't worry, you have time for sure. You got these embryos and you'll most likely get more. Many don't get it to stick until a 3rd or 4th try or more, and that would be completely normal. Of course it's so hard to have a failed cycle, but don't give up hope. We're here for you 💕💕💕
Thank you so much - really do appreciate the support here xx
Hi WorthyS. Im so sorry reading this. As asked before do you have another round on the nhs? Im nhs and my clinic simply waits one month and you are good to go for your next cycle. But ofcourse you can slow down if you want to and grief as long as you need.
What helped me after my CP is to do some research into private clinics (uk and abroad) did some research in to supplements anything to keep me busy and only focussing on the next steps. Dont get me wrong still had many nights of crying but i needed to focus. Xx
Hi there - thank you for replying! I had one round with the NHS and have a follow up session with them on the 26th but I really want to go again and just trying to understand what clinic to go with or to stay with my hospital.
Im so sorry to hear about your failed cycle! It is devastating having through it all for what feels like nothing. Usually your clinic will give you a follow up appointment to discuss your cycle and give you some feedback. You can ask what they might do differently to improve your chances? Is there a different protocol of meds that you can try? Why are their thoughts as to why it failed - thats a bit of a grey area one as they probably dont know but still good to gauge their thoughts. I guess after you have had a chat you can decide whether you should stay with them or go somewhere else even for a consultation and see if you think their thoughts are any better etc. Hugs meantime.xx
Thank you for your message! I have a follow up appointment on the 26th and I was on the long protocol - started June 8 and ended yesterday - so very long lol. I think the issue may be me - hubby’s sperm is apparently great so. I was diagnosed with unexplained so I’m guessing my eggs are not quite good enough. Xx
It is a long time for long protocol isnt it! It may be that there are soem tweaks to be made. Sometimes for round one its just a bit of a trial run. However if you dont feel like you come away with much info for a future plan/cycle it might just be worth going elsewhere to see if they would do anything different. I see that you're only 35 however it could well be an egg quality thing. We had the same at 38 and had to make the tough decision to move onto donor eggs. Not that Im suggesting this for you just yet (we did a couple of cycles in which we only get 3x5 day blastocysts) but there are other options out there. Also the NHS for as grateful as I am to get it, was a very much one size fits all approach.xx
Have you heard of the podcast BFN? “Big Fat Negative”. I highly recommend it. On one of the episodes they say that IVF is a 3 cycle process. The first usually fails, the 2nd one is often a bit better as your team know you better and have adjusted the meds and the 3rd is the best. It’s really helped me see it as a longer process than just one cycle. Sorry your first didn’t work. Keep strong x
Thank you so much Jen - I will check this podcast out for sure! I guess it’s about calibration - it’s now the minefield of knowing where to go and what clinics are worth it XX
It’s a brilliant podcast. They cover everything!! And they are on FB, Twitter and Instagram too. I’ve found them really helpful 👍
Sorry to hear it didnt work out, as others have said its quite common for it not to work on round one, the consultants are working out what's best for your body and your body is working out what its supposed to do - I am sure that doesn't make it easier but do not despair.
as Cinderella says you will likely have a follow up appointment where you will talk through each stage of your round and what went well, what didnt go so well etc., and then discuss round 2 and what you might change - for example I did Long protocol first round and only got three eggs but round 2 changed to short protocol and got 13! so there are small tweaks that can make a big difference.
I think the first round is the hardest as you have fought so hard to get to start IVF and we all hope it will be that magic fix that sorts everything. A lot of people on here have benefitted from counselling although it didnt work for me personally.
The best advice anyone every gave me was to treat IVF as a hurdle race. One day will be positive, the next you might come crashing down, but you get over each hurdle and it gets you a step closer to having the family you crave. Just because you knock one hurdle over doesn't mean you are out of the race - you are just knocked back a bit but you can get back on track.
Take some time, drink some wine, do what you want for a while and then get back to it again xx
Thank you Daisy for your kind supportive words - I am definitely beginning to understand now how this works! I have counselling soon and due to covid and my impatience I want to restart as soon as I can! Xx
Hi. I feel the same way. I am 36 years old and just learned that my first IVF Cycle failed. I did a 5day FET with PGS testing. I was under the impressino that with PGS testing my changes were high but I guess I was wrong. I have 1 embryo left only and I am scare of trying again! I feel sad, devasted, and guilty because I dont know what went wrong. No one can explain me why it failed. So, I am not sure what can I do differently if I try again. What I did wrong? I am not sure my sadness will go away anytime soon. I have considered perhaps signing-up to therapy, because I am not sure how to overcome this by myself. Maybe this is something you can consider as well?
My experience with my clinic was great. So, I likely would continue with them. I guess that it all depends on your experience with the Clinic. If your experience is positive, then it is worth continue working with them.
I am not sure I was of any help, but just wanted to let you know that you are not alone. I am feeling the same way you are.
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