I've been hiding and struggling. (Insensitive comments said to me in this- if feeling vulnerable dont read.)

[glt01]

I've been hiding recently after the Moderate OHSS and freeze all cycle we had after feeling so unwell. I completely buried my head in the sand about fertility and having children.

Now we're coming up to the next attempt, approximately a week off trying a FET cycle and I am stressed. Work is making me ill mentally, I'm stressed, my anxiety is coming back, I've started having panic attacks and palpitations again and I'm petrified my depression is rearing its Fugly head. I've just had a lovely week of leave but work have still found ways to contact me and make me upset and stressed when I'm not even there. I'm scared I'm going to break and this is going to effect our FET. I honestly dont know if I can face or mentally deal with a failed FET. The idea of failing again scares me so much. It makes me feel like so much of a failure especially everywhere I look there are women with young babies and pregnant bumps. Something i want so selfishly with no guarantee of it happening. Theres also no way I could deal with delaying it. We've waited so long again for the clinic to fit us in and they're already fully booked for July.

It doesn't help that my SiL is pregnant again. They weren't even trying. I want to be happy but they rub it in our faces knowing the whole IVF saga and then we have to sit through comments like "we knew you had it in you" "only real men make babies" "this is the true calling of being a women being able to have babies" "you're amazing growing a human" and they sit all smug knowing what we're going through and I find it very hard to not be bitter and keep my sanity when they clearly dont give a toss.

Sorry for the ranting. Anyone got any advice on how to not loose your sh*t going through this?

I've done everything I normally do to stop a "derailment", exercise, yoga, colouring, mindfulness, holiday, and it's not working... is it maybe time I went to my Doc and told them I'm struggling...?

[HM_3]

I'm sorry. This sounds awful. Surely your sil should know better. You have every right to be upset by some of those comments. It's a tricky road but be strong and keep going. I am sending you hugs xx

[glt01 in reply to HM_3]

Thank you ❤

[Minnie92]

It’s so so hard, your SIL should know better. With regards to those comments, going through ivf/fertility treatment does not make you any less of a woman, neither does it make your partner any less of a man just because it wasn’t natural, you’ve still made a baby in the end and actually it shows how strong we are as people that we can take going through it all, putting our bodies and mental health through something only most people can even begin to imagine what it’s like. Just remember you’re doing amazing, you need to stay positive ready for your next cycle, maybe you could distance yourself from those people who make you feel negative? Just be selfish and do whatever you want, maybe get signed off work? I was signed off throughout my whole treatment-best thing I ever did x

[glt01 in reply to Minnie92]

Thank you, I'm considering going to the Doc and explaining everything. I don't see my SiL that often and have spoken to my OH about it and he's okay with me not spending time there x

[chickp]

It sounds like you’re at breaking point and I really sympathise. Have you tried counselling? It helped loads with my anxiety but she wasn’t great at the fertility stuff so I stopped going and am looking for someone else. If you can afford to go private you would be able to start immediately and it could help get you through your next cycle?

I know this is not an easy decision but have you considered leaving your job? I get very stressed as a teacher and plan to leave in the next couple of years as I don’t see how I can keep up with it and fertility stuff. Obviously this in not ideal financially so we are looking to move house and reduce our mortgage. Just having a plan has made me feel a bit better and less trapped.

I really hope you feel better soon and I know you are strong enough to get through this, but maybe it’s time to ask for help? Xxx

[glt01 in reply to chickp]

Thank you, I'm going to leave my job, it's not worth my mental health being effected by a job! I've had counselling before when I was ill previously and found it helped brilliantly and we've had group counselling for ivf which was good. I'm going to speak to my doctor and see if she can refer me to a counseller x

[kitscat]

Im really sorry it sounds like your SIL is extremely tactless. I agree maybe distancing yourself for a bit is a sensible idea.

I think a trip to your GP for a chat and maybe a sick note is a good idea. Keep positive. The storms don’t last long and there is light at the end of the tunnel. Stay positive and keep busy. Lots of hugs xxxx

[glt01 in reply to kitscat]

Thank you xxxx

[2-shades-of-hope]

Do you get on with your in laws? There is a difference between being tactless and deliberately unkind. Some of mine are definitely deliberately unkind and cruel and there is nothing to be gained from exposing myself to that so I don’t see them. My husband still visits but has been strictly told not to mention anything about my treatment/health/life as that is my private information not a source of gossip for unkind people. You definitely are not a failure. I know how easy it is to feel that way but you are fighting with everything you have to become a parent. I would definitely ask your GP to be signed off as you are under a lot of pressure and stress. I have done this and it has helped, although going back can be difficult and a phased return might be best xx

[glt01 in reply to 2-shades-of-hope]

Thank you, my in laws are lovely and very supportive but when this stuff is said it's always out of their earshot so it makes it seem like I'm just stirring when I mention it or my OH mentions it. We dont see my SiL that often mainly because of how they are to us and if we do it's in a big group setting where I stick to my OH.

I'm going to speak to my doctor and see what she thinks is best xx

[2-shades-of-hope in reply to glt01]

That sounds like a good plan. I hope it goes well x

[Vegemite]

I loose my shit daily! People know there and then!

[glt01 in reply to Vegemite]

I've come close quite a few times but dont think I would be able to reign it back in! I would be like a one women hurricane 😂

[Vegemite in reply to glt01]

I am. I just don’t care anymore. If people can’t see I’m struggling, I make them.

[Hidden]

Definitely go to your doctor. Hopefully they can sign you off with stress. Those comments and how your sil has been would be so much easier to deal with if you were not feeling anxious, stressed or even just not yourself. Big hugs lovely xx

[glt01 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you xx

[PurpleLove19]

I’ve felt like this at work. I had 4 weeks off and when I returned I wasn’t ready. I am better now but for me I need to hit a brick wall before I resort to going the doctors.

My doctors don’t give out sick notes like sweets so I’d have to be really ill mentally to be able to go and ask. In fact my Nan came with me when I went off.

When you begin treatment you may feel lifted and positive but if you don’t then yes I would definitely go to the doctors.

As for the comments well I really don’t know how you stand for it.

My husband get easily offended and more him as he’s got a male issue.

I’ve noticed that he had been avoiding his family for a while now where it was me before.

Maybe it’s because when we go round it’s all baby talk about our nephew and his mum and sister are not always the best people to get on with.

I’d avoid them for a while and if any questions are asked just be honest.

Good luck x

[glt01 in reply to PurpleLove19]

Thank you, sorry to hear you weren't ready when you went back. My doctors are quite similar and when I was really poorly (mentally) before it took a complete mental breakdown before they would sign me off. My main worry is there is no way I can go back to being that unwell but until I am at that point they wont intervene.

We have both factors for infertility- got really lucky there... and my husband is very supportive and we dont see my SiL that often but he knows what she is like so when we do he stays around me and if I or he wants to leave then we do with minimal excuses.

Thank you for your advice x

[Militarywife7]

I was really horrified to read the comments from your sil, such cruel and insensitive words. Sorry to hear that your struggling, I would recommend visiting your doctor and maybe having some time off to recharge if possible? xx

[glt01 in reply to Militarywife7]

Thank you for your reply. I've tired to get an appt and sadly cant get one for a while but hoping things will pick up once I start this cycle 🤞🏻xx

[LunaLovegood11]

It’s definitely worth a chat with the doctor, they could help with the work situation - it’s not good to be stressed when you’re not there, you need to look after yourself.

Those comments... wow... how cruel! I’m sure all us ladies know that if it was about effort when TTC then we’d have all nailed it by now for sure. For some very lucky couples it’s no effort, but that doesn’t make them any more of a man or a woman. In fact it’s having the humanity to appreciate the feelings of others that makes you a real man or woman...

Distance yourself from those dickheads. They maybe don’t realise what they’re saying, but as they know about your IVF they must be either very mean or very stupid.

[glt01 in reply to LunaLovegood11]

Thank you for your comment, I've spoken to my husband and said I dont really want to be around them. I get it's his family and if he wants to see them that's fine but at the moment I dont. Hes quite understanding which is good.

I've tried to get a doctors appt but cant get one at the moment so trying to see if this cycle helps things pick up 🤞🏻

[Hidden in reply to glt01]

Your clinic should also offer counselling which might help? At least for now in lieu of the drs appointment? X

[glt01 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you, weve been to their group sessions which have been very useful but the 1 to 1 are really expensive and we cant really afford those / get time off work to attend them. I've put my notice in at work and it's like a weights been lifted!x

[Hidden in reply to glt01]

Oh I am so glad to hear that. Big hugs to you xx

[IVFGirlLondon]

That sounds heartbreakingly insensitive. What prats! Health issues can happen to anyone at any time and they are out of our control. It’s foolish to believe you are somehow better or cleverer because you are lucky enough to not have a health issue. I’d get signed off work by your doctor due to work related stress and then get some therapy or counselling - do your clinic offer you any?

[glt01 in reply to IVFGirlLondon]

Thank you for your reply.

The clinic do and weve been to group counselling sessions which are free but the other counselling they offer is quite expensive and we cant get time off work together in order to be able to go to them.

Also I currently cant get a doctors appt so just plodding along! I felt fine until this morning when it hit me that we're potentially going to have the FET next week and now I'm panicking 😂