I canāt believe itās been two years. Feels like itās been my whole life.
It has- my whole life Iāve dreamt of being a mum. Dreamt of seeing those two lines on a stick.
My husband and I arenāt childhood sweethearts but even with my past partners Iāve had moments when my period is late and worryingly gone to buy a test. Every stick Iāve peed on Iād be secretly hoping it would be two lines even though I wasnāt in the perfect set up.
When we started to try and we werenāt having any luck I came up with all the excuses- Iāve been in the DEPO injection, been on the pill, been drinking or stressed. Blamed my job, my social life my personal stresses.
I thought there was a problem with me. Questioned all those times I forgot to take my pill or threw up and could have got caught and didnāt. So when you actively stop contraception you defiantly know something isnāt quite right. Especially when people round you are on the pill and get caught. That is something Iāve never ever got my head round and I donāt think I ever will.
Now we know my husband is the one with the issues it doesnāt make it any better because we both have a problem. We both canāt have a baby naturally.
I still question that if my body is perfectly capable of conceiving why it never happened all those years ago? I put that down to āfateā because having children with the wrong person was never part of my plan either.
I have found my one and now we have to go on this unfair journey.
I am more positive these days. I actually started thinking that I was ready to be round babies until today.
A tiny tot was right in front of me and I froze and just stared.
Iām not ready and thatās just how itās got to be. Until we have our miracle or before I just donāt know but I know itās not now!
xx
Written by
PurpleLove19
To view profiles and participate in discussions please or .
That sounds so familiar! I began to talk to my colleagues this week and not only did I discover that the people I told were supportive, but one came to me and told me her children are IVF babies! I was stunned and thrilled equally... she gets my stresses and could give me so much help. Sheās been looking out for me since, I feel a bit better now knowing sheāll rescue me if I need it. Hope you can find someone similar. X
Iām very open to everyone at work. Itās just how I am naturally. I canāt bottle my feelings. Although there are certain people Iāve stopped confiding in due to the fact I think they are just being nosey or they just basically, give shit advice. Most people enjoy telling you a success story of their best friends neighbours cousin too which sometimes gets on my nerves.
I can see now which people are good listeners and thatās what you need isnāt it? Someone that will just let you vent and listen.
Family members however, have either been amazing with us or have chosen to block us out! Thatās fine, I wonāt be making efforts to tell them the good news one day, they can find out on social media as they have not been family. x
Correct me if I'm wrong but you're still waiting to start treatment aren't you? The setbacks must be very frustrating and I'm sure that's playing a big part in what you're feeling now. I liked what you wrote about it being 'fate' not to have a child with the wrong person. I've wanted a child for years and years but now we've been lucky with IVF I can honestly say difficulty conceiving was probably a blessing in disguise for me so I didn't end up having a baby with one of the complete d***heads I used to date. The journey and the waiting has been hard but now I'm closer to the person (and the mother) I want to be and with the person I want to be with and it's right. I hope you'll be able to start treatment soon and that it's successful, and hopefully it won't be too long before you'll be able to look back and feel proud that you fought so hard to get something so important to you and satisfied that you're in the right place at the right time with the right person to welcome your baby. Keep your chin up xxx
The journey is not the easiest one. Mainly because often time we end up blaming ourselves. We are hard on ourselves to the point its not fare. One has to be to really strong. I always tell people to try their best to avoid negativity. Mainly because it is not good for you. Stay strong! Sending baby dust your way.
Iāve been avoiding my best friend lately. I love her so much but sheās trying at the moment and itās all she wants talk about. Sheās been trying for almost 6months. Her and her partner have had separate issues down there if you get me in the past and all I try to tell her is start the ball rolling with tests.
She sticks her head in the clouds and tries to be over the top positive and then my blood boils. Iām wasting my breath honestly.
She said to me the other day Iām sorry Iām rubbish at the moment as youāre going through it all and itās all I talk about.
I wouldnāt wish this on her but at the same time sheās never had to watch people close to her be pregnant.
I said for this to really hit home you need to experience someone in your family go through a happy time of being pregnant to really know how you really feel as at the moment she has no babies in her family. Iām keeping my gob shut now and when we go for drinks this Friday I may have to say I donāt want to keep going over it with you as itās not helping me. X
There's no doubt that fertility is a bloody tough journey. I'm very lucky after 12 years to have got to the end of mine and have 2 boys. I found along the way new friends who were also going through treatment who understood exactly what you were going through. There are times you cope times you just don't. Points where I decided I was done with it all then I'd find a wee bit more strength to have another shot. I hope now you know the reason that your treatment will start soon and be a success for you. Good luck x x
Content on HealthUnlocked does not replace the relationship between you and doctors or other healthcare professionals nor the advice you receive from them.
Never delay seeking advice or dialling emergency services because of something that you have read on HealthUnlocked.