My eggs don't have a chance

[Dee2017]

Today we were told that due to my age it seems that all my miscarriages (5) were due to the genetic mutations produced in the embryos. It means I will never have a baby 100% my own. I was sort of prepared for this answer, but being told by a specialist makes it more real. It's hard. I've cried the whole day. I want to give my husband a baby. We can opt for donor eggs, but am I sure I can love a baby which I will always know that is someone else's even if i carry it for 9 months? Did any of you have these thoughts? What did you decide? How did you feel once the baby was born?

[Bluelady-sing]

You write down an egg is a big move there be something wrong with you if you didn't think about it.

The genetic mutation is there no way they can do anything to help you with it?

I read about a case where a woman had some sort of procedure done with the embryo it removed the faulty Gene

[Dee2017 in reply to Bluelady-sing]

Thank you Pumpkins. It seems that there isn't much to do in my case. Maybe if we would have the money to try every possibility there might be a chance, but the odds aren't on our side.

[SConnor]

I’ve not been in this situation but just wanted to send you strength and a big hug after the very tough day today. I read here many stories of happy mums with donor eggs. Hard to tell from the outside, but I’d say they are as happy as I was with my ivf bfp with own eggs.

[Dee2017 in reply to SConnor]

Thank you SConnor xx. You see, while in the consultants office I thought 'yes' 100% but this brain of mine is very active and by the time I got home I felt like I was going crazy. I just don't want to have second thoughts once pregnant 🤔 So I will really need to analyse my thoughts and see what the next step will be

[Hidden]

For me, it was a no brainer. I was ready to adopt but my husband was not. Andi really wanted to be pregnant, to grow and nurture a baby of our own. Donor x (either sperm or egg) is the next best thing to having your own 100%. And also, with the news that epi-genetics plays a role, I didn't even blink an eye about the donor route. It has made a huge difference to our fertility journey, made a massive difference to our chance of success (from 1% with my own eggs to 50-75% with donor). I am 28 weeks pregnant tomorrow. PM me if you have any questions xxx

[Hollibob]

There’s been a lot in the news lately about poor sperm potentially being the reason behind miscarriages. I don’t think they ever really know the true causes of why these things happen.

Using my eggs, we had 3 fresh and 1 frozen round. Some rounds were better than others, our fertilisation rate was never great. There were two positives and two miscarriages. We’d experienced two miscarriages before this using clomid.

Recurrent miscarriage tests revealed nothing...

If there was a bottomless pit of money and we didn’t age, then I would have loved to keep trying my eggs, but sadly not! We were given 10% chance using my eggs and 50% with donor eggs.

I wanted to be pregnant, but most of all wanted the best chance for us to have a baby.

The love you feel straight away for your chosen donor doing this for you, the anxious calls waiting for an update, seeing your blastocyst on the screen at transfer and willing it to continue growing, doing the pregnancy tests with everything crossed, being scared that something will happen, seeing your baby for the first scan and then watching it grow over time, getting emotional telling people that you are pregnant....the baby that you are growing inside soon becomes your worry and nothing else. I would be devastated if anything happened to our baby now- just over 12 weeks.

Only you can make the decision on if that’s the next step you want to take and sometimes it takes time to get there x

[Bunnywoo]

I'm sorry to hear you are going through this Dee2017. I too have just had the news this week about using donor eggs. (Although still may have a choice with my own eggs but the chances are low due to low amh, my age and 3 previous miscarriages) The shock of this news is awful, it's ok to be really sad about it. I have been reading donor egg success stories and articles on the donor conception network to help me process it all. I think the feelings you describe are very common and completely normal. We're still deciding what to do, but I'm definitely in the process of opening my mind to donor eggs so please keep us posted on your journey. Be kind to yourself xx

[Dee2017 in reply to Bunnywoo]

Thank you hun. I will keep you posted. And all the best for you too xx

[CAS2]

We're not at the donor egg stage yet but we went to The Fertility Show in London (they have Manchester as well) and there was loads of stuff on donor eggs. Really opened my eyes to the option of donor eggs. Might be worth going there and finding out more. It was interesting.

[Dee2017 in reply to CAS2]

Thank you. This is a great idea. I will definitely have a look into it xx

[Hidden]

Sorry to hear your feeling like this. My youngest son was from DE. I thought to myself if my kidneys didn't work I'd have a transplant so my eggs don't work why not do the same? As you still go through the same process with the 2ww hoping and praying it will work I can honesty say I never gave it a second thought. My son is 100% mine people tell me he's my double and I love him exactly the same as my first born. If you do go down that route I'm sure you can have councilling. Families are made up in all sorts of ways these days. I guess it doesn't matter how I feel what counts is your feelings in your fertility journey but perhaps with time it might be an option for you. Good luck x x

[Dee2017 in reply to Hidden]

What an amazing way of thinking and omg!!!!!! You are completely correct in this. It makes so much sense. Thank you so much for this 🤗🤗❤

[Bluelady-sing]

The only other choice is adoption

[Hidden]

I know it’s not quite the same but the love I feel for my cats is so intense and I didn’t “carry” them. I’m heading down donor route. I just feel that once you are pregnant you will feel the baby is yours which will magnify even more once you have given birth and see your child for the first time. Love is love - it’s not reliant on DNA.

X

[Dee2017 in reply to Hidden]

Awwww bless you. I have two cats and I love them to bits. They are my fury boys and I'm their momma. And i thought the same....... if i love them so much then anything is possible xx

[Bluelady-sing in reply to Hidden]

Did you mention your cats

[Dee2017 in reply to Bluelady-sing]

Yes I did 😊

[Hidden in reply to Bluelady-sing]

Love is love. I love so many souls each in their unique way. I say nearly everyday to the annoyance of my husband that my cat is the love of my life. I'm sure when my baby comes (donor, owe egg or adoption) that the love will be overwhelming no matter how they came to being.

[Dee2017 in reply to Hidden]

I completely agree x

[Bluelady-sing in reply to Hidden]

Child birth is an act of nature, adoption is act from god

[Dee2017 in reply to Bluelady-sing]

Yes I believe adoption is even a higher responsibility. That child had an unfortunate start in life, so you want to make sure it doesn't happen again.

[Bluelady-sing in reply to Dee2017]

Exactly if it is a baby then is easier

[Hidden]

Oh gosh I am so sorry to hear this. Can I ask how you found out? What tests did they do?

I know what you mean about donors .. I am trying to get my head around it so interested to read other’s thoughts. Sending hugs x

[Dee2017 in reply to Hidden]

I had an ectopic and two natural conceptions which ended in miscarriage. Then went for IVF and had two rounds, first with 1 and second with two embryos transfer. All my pregnancies ended at 8 weeks or less. During the ivf cycles I had blood thinners and intra lipids (for suppressing the NK cells). All these were done just in case I had issues. I had loads of blood tests as well as my husband and had some basic genetics tests. So based on the whole history and my age this is the conclusion they reached. Of course I will need to have tests done regarding the NK cells, to get a definite answer, but because I already had intralipids and still miscarried we know these are not the problem

[sandra81]

I received same news in 2017 and cried everyday for a month. I was really stressed and the thought of donor egg really freaked me out. I read about it, talked to other by donor egg parents and joined pved. for me it was easier to move to donor egg because my sister offered and it was easier for me to use door egg from a known person. I also had only a month to decide because my sis was turning 36 in two months the cut off age for that clinic to be able to donate eggs. i have twin girls from that donation and love them to bits. I have two frozen embies they were not the best quality but i dream that one day i will go back for them. I have to convince my partner though and I worry that if they don't work i will be devastated again. dealing with infertility is a roller coaster of emotions.

[Dee2017 in reply to sandra81]

Thank you Sandra. I totally agree with. This whole thing is a roller coaster of emotions. It would be easier if I had a sister. X

[sandra81]

Want to add that one time i started thinking about what it would have been like had i used my own eggs, but could not bear the thought of never having to meet my girls.

[Hidden]

I can't believe you've been through 5 miscarriages, you absolute warrior. No experience of DE but wanted to wish you all the best z

[Dee2017 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you LaurajaneF. I am an optimist and I kept hoping that maybe next time will be different. It is hard. And even harder when all your friends get pregnant and have their babies (which you are so happy for) while you are still trying.

[Amandaholland85]

Hi dee

I have not used a egg doner it was spam doner as i was doing this as a single person and i am 26 weeks +2and it was the best decision i made. When you use doner eggs or sperm they match it to you and the people that are doners are young and healthy to give you the best chance for you. All the best xxx

[alockie]

It mainly depends on what mutations you mean. I would advise to discuss with your doc whether or not PGS NGS or PGD One might be a solution in your situation.

[Debrakay1704]

It is a very personable decision and my husband was a bit unsure at first but like you it was our best hope and you are carrying your baby and it is also getting everything it needs from you. We have been really lucky so far and our first round of IVF with DE we got pregnant, currently 10 weeks and it feels amazing. Wish you all the luck in the world and here if you need anything. xx

[Cinderella5]

It is a hard decision to move forward. I had to make the decision but the odds were stacked against me and wanted to give ourselves the best chance of being a family! Since we made the move those embryos are mine/ours....it doesnt really cross my mind that they were DE. I read this article which I found pretty useful in getting my head around things so sharing it with you....xx

Perhaps the greatest myth surrounds pregnancy. Many believe the uterus is simply an incubator. Nothing could be further from the truth. The most important aspect of all pregnancies- including egg/sperm donation pregnancies- is that as the fetus grows, every cell in the developing body is built out of the pregnant mother’s body. Tissue from her uterine lining will contribute to the formation of the placenta, which will link her and her child. The fetus will use her body’s protein, then she will replace it. The fetus uses her sugars, calcium, nitrates, and fluids, and she will replace them.

So, if you think of your dream child as your dream house, the genes provide merely a basic blueprint, the biological mother takes care of all the materials and construction, from the foundation right on up to the light fixtures.

So, although her husband’s aunt Sara or the donor’s grandfather may have genetically programmed the shape of the new baby’s earlobe, the earlobe itself is the pregnant woman’s “flesh and blood.” That means the earlobe, along with the baby herself, grew from the recipient’s body. That is why she is the child’s biological mother. That is why this child is her biological child.