Starting to wish had not told anyone about our ivf

[Lyn84]

My boss said to me the other day she was worried i was getting stressed out about the ivf so i said what's stressing me out is its all people seem to want to talk about to me so its incredibly hard to switch your brain off from it when it seems to be all your talking about all day long which isnt too bad if you are talking to ppl who have been through it and you feel the need to talk to someone about it but everyone seems to want to give me advice my mother in law constantly keeps saying relax stay calm but remember it might not work first time and i have my friend last night msging me of all these ppl she had spoken to that had ivf and it worked first time i know she was trying to be positive for me and give me hope but somehow it wound me up and everybody else's attitude who has no clue about the process says don't worry it'll be fine it'll work first time for you i just know it. Has anyone else felt this way or is it just me?

[emmab178]

Definately felt this way. I didn't tell work though. None of their business. Just start giving yes or no answers and hopefully people will butt out. As for your friend who has been through it, tell her you wish you'd not told anyone and if she could just ignore it and carry on as normal you'd appreciate it. If you have any questions you will ask her. I'm sure she will understand. Antoine whose been through it knows what a rollercoaster it is.

[Lyn84 in reply to emmab178]

Unfortunately cos of the job i do i had to tell work as it wouldve been impossible for me to get so much time off without saying anything

[emmab178 in reply to Lyn84]

Yeah I've been lucky with mine. But when i get the positive result i have to tell them as theres a risk with the chemical sites i visit so they tie me to a desk until maternity leave.

Maybe just explain work is an escape from constantly thinking about the treatment and could they ignore it for a bit. Suppose on one hand its nice they are concerned but with all the concern coming from multiple people it gets too much

[Lyn84 in reply to emmab178]

That what my boss said its nice that ppl care but it doesn't all feel like caring half of it feels like ppl just being nosey

[Olaz]

I'm so sorry and I definitely understand how you feel. I felt the same way my first cycle. The cycle failed and one of the most difficult things for me was having to manage other peoples' disappointment while dealing with the pain myself. I eventually had to politely explain to my sister in law that her questions afterwards were not helping, even though I understood they were coming from a good place.

After that first cycle, we decided to NOT share details of subsequent cycles with anyone else - work, family, friends. The only person that knows is my best friend who has been most supportive and most importantly, knows when to give me my space and also manage to be there for me if and when I need her to.

[Lyn84 in reply to Olaz]

I have told work that once i start ivf next month i won't be sharing anymore updates unless i feel the need to as i don't want to constantly be asked if I'm pregnant yet

[Olaz in reply to Lyn84]

Sounds like a good plan. Stay strong xx

[Cinderella5]

Well I think you've hit the nail on the head! Nobody does really get it unless they have been there! In some ways I cant blame people for thinking its the magic cure for all as they only hear the good stories....not all the failures and hurt that it takes to get there but at the same time you just want to knock some people out that come away with daft comments like "relax". I have told my friends that we are doing IVF and work however after the inital cycles....(Im a bit of a veteran) I have stopped saying when its happening as the questions get on my nerves...."hows IVF going"......in my head Im thinking "well clearly its not or I would be pregnant". Grrrrr!! At least they care enough to mention it I suppose. Anyhoo, you're not alone and you always have us to vent to!!xx

[Lyn84]

I think as your having ivf ppl feel the need to know all the ins and outs of it but if you were just trying naturally ppl wouldn't be asking all the ins and outs of that the same if the first time doesn't work i certainly won't be sharing anything again lesson learnt