New to IVF. What about my career?

[VMJ007]

Hi Everyone. I have my first IVF session in 2 weeks. My diagnosis is “you’re 38 years old with 2 tubes that are “filling but not spilling and a polyp. Time to seek IVF and fast”. So the journey begins. I’m worried about work. I have a corporate job with lots of responsibility. It’s worn me down in the past (previous stage 4 endo) and it burned me out managing a “double life” of health vs work .

How disruptive is IVF to working life? I am very private and don’t want to tell my colleagues who are mostly male. Please share your experiences.

[RhinoCat]

It’s time to put yourself first. No one in your work deserves for you to not follow your hearts desire. I struggled with not putting myself first too. Then I thought , stuff it, they all

Have 2 or 3 children, this is how I have to try and have my own so ..... if it unsettles them.... so be it. You’d be best to find out what your clinic advises with regards to days needed and length of time to recover etc. Now I’ve been through two cycles I’d say. The first cycle , take more time than you think you need , then the next time take less etc. You won’t know how your body recovers etc until you’ve been through a cycle. Mine needed 10 days each time. (Fir the egg collection part) When you have got this information then tell work and agree their support for your treatment and need to have as little stress about time at appointments as possible. It’s terrible that we feel we have to tell the world our most private journey and then for them not to really support ya through it because they don’t get it. It’s a hard one but defo ask your clinic first and my personal opinion is you need more time for your head than the procedure takes. It depends what your job is but if you can work from home on appointment days do it otherwise you’ll face questions from the nations and from people you don’t need questions from.

Your career will be there after .

Now is the time to focus and be selfish in a good way 😘

[Gabrielagrazebrook]

Hi VMJ, I agree with RhinoCat. I have a stressful and high pressured job but luckily as it is a small company I was able to be ‘vague’ about my 1st IVF dates. I didn’t need to present doctor’s notes. I unfortunately learned the hard way in round 1 how much stress was affecting me, and very probably my fertility too. It led to cardiologist appts and putting IVF on hold until my heart rate normalised.

We each react in different ways/intensities, but for me I’ve learned that I can’t wait for my body to complain from work exhaustion for me to stop. When IVF/fertility is in game, I need to be slowing down even before I can feel the stress pile.

I’ve also learned that giving 80% of myself at times and 100% at others is FINE. Its NORMAL. No one will notice that you have ‘dipped below full speed’ and you will need to invest your time in yourself x

I hope this helps you a bit 💪🏼

[DianeArnold Partner Nurse Fertility Network UK]

Hi VMJ. Well, If you have decided to go ahead and have IVF, then you are intelligent enough to know that you need to start pretty soon. The issue with your Fallopian tubes may mean that you need to have them clipped or removed before commencing IVF as it is widely believed that the excess lubrication in your tubes can only drain into your womb, possibly preventing a developing embryo from implanting. Usually this is a day case procedure with minimal recovery time. IVF needs days off for egg collection and transfer of an embryo, so best part of a week for that. 2 week wait is up to you whether you want the time off, or perhaps that could be annual leave?? You can self certify or ask your GP to sign you off for medical procedures if you prefer, so there are several ways round it all. Just really wanted to wish you well and of course for success. Diane

[FlatFooted]

Gosh VMJ007, this rings so many bells for me. I’m also 38, fast-tracking straight to IVF and have a terribly stressful job, which I’m convinced has played a part in my struggle to conceive naturally (although I also have PCOS). I usually dedicate myself to my job, but have decided that in the long run it’s my desire to have a family that matters more, so for now, for once, I’m going to put myself first and not give 100%.

I feel very lucky that I’m working from home at the moment, which will give me much more flexibility. Not sure how on earth it would be possible if I was currently office based! I’m planning on using holiday to cover as much absence as possible as my team won’t question me too much on that.

I’ve told my boss what I’m going through and she has, fortunately, been incredibly supportive about it. I have no intention of telling anybody else, though. It’s simply none of their business.

[VMJ007 in reply to FlatFooted]

Good to hear! Yes I’m going to negotiate a drop down to 4 days and work from home 1 day. I guess there’s also the part where giving 110% to all things work will need to give. My boss is a man, tough but fair, I’ve told him I’m going through a “health thing” and so far he’s been really supportive. I too feel that the stress of my job has swamped me and this has agitated my fertility. Glad to know I’m not the only one, it can feel quite isolating so thanks for sharing.

[jengi]

I can relate to what you have written. It’s important you learn to put you first on the IVF journey. I haven’t told my manager but it got really difficult managing all the appointments, I ended up telling my manager that I had some health issues & would need time off for hospital appointments. She asked no questions. However, after a few challenging situations I had to get HR involved and confided in them. They were very supportive & kept it confidential. We don’t have an IVF policy at work which didn’t help at all. After about a year on the IVF journey I knew something had to change at work so I asked to consolidate my hours to 4 days. I had to tell some big fat white lies but it’s the best thing I’ve ever done. I generally have Monday’s off, work 8-5:30 with half hour break Tues-Friday. I used my Monday’s for counselling sessions to deal with failed IVF. It’s definitely helped my mindset. I also took up mindfulness and yoga to help too. I also learned the importance of putting me first, I still struggle as I’m a ‘yes’ person and have to learn the power of ‘no, not right now’. I also travelled a lot with work and had to carefully navigate a way to reduce my hours on the road, for example I took the train more to get work done while travelling or got a lift with a colleague to avoid getting tired from driving. This of course, is only my experience but maybe there is something useful for you. Best of luck Xx

[VMJ007 in reply to jengi]

Thankyou for sharing. It’s early on the journey for me, and I’m hoping that dropping down to a 4 day working week and work from home will make a difference.

How many appointments do you do on average a week? I’m still new to this. What does IVF mean for a normal working week? I read somewhere that a member was doing injections in her on her lunch break.

[jengi in reply to VMJ007]

Normally 1-2 a week for couple of weeks for scans to see how your follicles are responding & blood tests to check hormone profile. My work is only 20 minutes from the hospital but I normally have to leave an hour for traffic & to get parking (it’s a nightmare). Also they rarely run to time so you have to be prepared to wait though covid probably means they work more efficiently now. I did acupuncture on top so that created more appointments. I used to try to keep my work diary as clear as possible for the weeks around treatment, egg collection & transfer. You have to take the day of transfer off work and I took the next day too. For embryo transfers I always take 2 weeks to relax before & after the transfer. Work is incredibly stressful sometimes & often unexpectedly so I err on the side of caution & avoid work completely by booking 2 weeks off. If your company has an IVF policy then they may give you this time. It’s a bit of a juggling act. I did my injections in the evening after work, my injections needed to be kept refrigerated, I wouldn’t have wanted to bring them to work. There are lots of reasons for infertility & there are lots of different treatments & drug protocols depending on the issue. So best to wait and see what treatment & protocol you’ll be advised to go on, What tests have you had already? Have you had an AMH test? Xx

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Echoing what RhinoCat said, you don't know yet what sort of a toll that IVF will take on you, and that is the only way you can really determine. Having just done two cycles since June (one cancelled, second one resulted in 2 frosties), I was surprised by how rough I felt after my egg collection, and frankly still do—it was just six days ago. I'm taking Ketoprofen for the pain. I've got endometrioma on my ovaries, and to be honest they still really hurt if not on drugs. The pain went away by Saturday, but then once I tried to get up and try to do things it came back. I took Friday off and thought I'd be able to get back to work on Monday. I did go to work and work a full 8 hour day, but drank a rare decaf café creme and ate raw onions too soon and then felt really sick that night and had to take off early from yesterday, and today I am still resting.

When I did a longer stimulation cycle, I found that it was really hard for me to work during the second of the two weeks of injections, and so I took the time off. I felt more foggy, more tired, etc. But I don't know if some of that is just from the stress and anticipation rather than the drugs only and the physical experience, so everyone is different. But if you have endo, you may, if you're like me, have more down time required after egg collection than women who don't have that can expect.

If at all possible to take off a full week for your egg collection, some days before and some days after, that may be a minimum. I also got really bad mood swings with the drugs, and didn't entirely feel like myself, so it was important to minimize stressers. If I did that and got enough sleep, I could still work.